The End

I looked up the word random on google and told myself the first word after it, I'd write a poem about... the word was suicide

I choked

All that was left to show I tried

Were the burning tears

Cascading down my cheek.

 

The revelation of the soft robe,

Now laying on the ground,

Instead of stifling my throat,

Was almost disheartening.

 

I was too close,

A miniscule of a second more,

And I would have been… no more,

I would have finished my life.

 

I lugged my body to my bed,

Tore open the pasty envelope on it,

And shredded the contents inside;

My suicide letter.

 

I find it hard living,

I find it hard dying,

Although, all I wish for,

Is…

 

THE END

Author's Note

Read the description, read the poem, and um... tell me what you think

Reviews

[.shalynn.009.]

"All that was left to showed I tried" Should be "show"

"I choked
All that was left to showed I tried
Were the burning tears
Cascading down my cheek." I was going to say that the first line of this should have a period after it, but I noticed every stanza was one sentence. In order to make that pattern work with this stanza, you would have to rework it. Por ejemple:
"I choked,
all left to show I tried
the burning tears
cascading down my cheeks." But if that wasn't the intention, you could just make the first line one sentence.

"Was almost disheartening." A good contrast to what the reader was expecting and foreshadowing the difficult, conflicting emotions at the end of the poem.


"A miniscule of a second more," I'm pretty sure it isn't correct to say a miniscule of a second. Perhaps if you just said "a millisecond longer"?

"Tore open the pasty envelope on it,And shredded the contents inside " This is good. Makes the reader think of a body in place of an envelope. "Tore open" mimics what the speaker was figuritively going to do to herself, while "pasty envelope" would symbolize the body left behind. The shredded contents inside would be her broken soul.

"I find it hard living,
I find it hard dying," These two lines are good. The number two in literature symbolizes dualism, which reinforces the struggle she faces in neither being able to live nor die.

I liked the ending because of it's many connotations. The speaker wishes for the end of her life, that is clear enough, but she also longs for the end of her pain and struggles. Similarly, she would want to end her back and forht about the decision to live or die. ANd then the obvious, End Of Story. Overall, a very good wite. I enjoyed this.

[Ashley June Canfield]

i really like this.

[Safe&sound<3 ♫]

very very nice(: nice... wording. everything was amazing

[KAREN]

Very strong poweful poem!
I find it hard living,
I find it hard dying,
Although, all I wish for,
is....
THE END (Alot of poeple feels just that way!)

[E.H. Monroe]

yeah, the attempt and the big fat fail..
know why?
because the s**t ain't no better on the other side of the fence.

Or you'll end up sitting around for eternity waiting for the happiness that never quite gets there.

yo ho, nicely done

[Pax Analog]

Beckett wrote: "I can't go on. I must go on."

I realize you were randomizing "suicide" -- hence the droll deadpan delivery.

This is a seed piece that suggests a lot of developmental asides. The End is always another beginning. One intuits the inherent infinite.

The way you randomized "suicide" gives a Russian roulette feel, the sense of menace possible in language.

I would free-associate off some of the branches of this "tree" poem too, if I were you.

End/Beginning/Transcendence.

Anyway, you have a good feel for language and the starkness of existence.

[Short.Nerd]

I love it! This was written very nicely. Great job (:

[Dilan Gray]

This poem is really amazing. I love the strong images, it's wonderful

[SOUL LESS]

lol at Uprising...
The first word is not Suicide. Anyway...it's a terribly nice poem.

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

I found this quite interesting... the solemn images of the poem do reflect the lost feeling one feels when wanting to end it... nicely done, especially for writing on a random subject.

[Jeff]

Wonderfully written poem.