The End

I looked up the word random on google and told myself the first word after it, I'd write a poem about... the word was suicide

I choked

All that was left to show I tried

Were the burning tears

Cascading down my cheek.

 

The revelation of the soft robe,

Now laying on the ground,

Instead of stifling my throat,

Was almost disheartening.

 

I was too close,

A miniscule of a second more,

And I would have been… no more,

I would have finished my life.

 

I lugged my body to my bed,

Tore open the pasty envelope on it,

And shredded the contents inside;

My suicide letter.

 

I find it hard living,

I find it hard dying,

Although, all I wish for,

Is…

 

THE END

Author's Note

Read the description, read the poem, and um... tell me what you think

Reviews

[.shalynn.009.]

"All that was left to showed I tried" Should be "show"

"I choked
All that was left to showed I tried
Were the burning tears
Cascading down my cheek." I was going to say that the first line of this should have a period after it, but I noticed every stanza was one sentence. In order to make that pattern work with this stanza, you would have to rework it. Por ejemple:
"I choked,
all left to show I tried
the burning tears
cascading down my cheeks." But if that wasn't the intention, you could just make the first line one sentence.

"Was almost disheartening." A good contrast to what the reader was expecting and foreshadowing the difficult, conflicting emotions at the end of the poem.


"A miniscule of a second more," I'm pretty sure it isn't correct to say a miniscule of a second. Perhaps if you just said "a millisecond longer"?

"Tore open the pasty envelope on it,And shredded the contents inside " This is good. Makes the reader think of a body in place of an envelope. "Tore open" mimics what the speaker was figuritively going to do to herself, while "pasty envelope" would symbolize the body left behind. The shredded contents inside would be her broken soul.

"I find it hard living,
I find it hard dying," These two lines are good. The number two in literature symbolizes dualism, which reinforces the struggle she faces in neither being able to live nor die.

I liked the ending because of it's many connotations. The speaker wishes for the end of her life, that is clear enough, but she also longs for the end of her pain and struggles. Similarly, she would want to end her back and forht about the decision to live or die. ANd then the obvious, End Of Story. Overall, a very good wite. I enjoyed this.

[roy mccarthy]

ok,read both....
the poem is great,
reminds me of a plath or anne sexton type poem,
darkly written,
but full of talent!

[Moflo]

Pretty interesting write from just a single word. Your last stanza is very good, it shows the uncertainty in want that is part of life. Good write!

[SoLongAndThanksForAllTh..]

This shows that sometimes inspiration can strike in the most unusual way. Perhaps more of us should try using Google as a muse!

I think what's worked particularly well here is that despite the subject being so shocking you've treated it very subtly. It would have been so easy to wade straight into a gory poem guaranteed to shock but as you've focused on an abandoned attempt the poems is somehow all the more intriguing. The fact that your suicidal narrator doesn't go through with the act means that not only does the reader wonder why she wants to die but also why she wants to live just a little bit more. Is it truly just the simple fact that she finds "it hard dying"? As a reader we can only guess what she's about to tell us.

[bookworm]

gooooooooooood

[S. C. McDaniel]

Very good over all. I found it to be very relatable for me at least. The only things I would change are "Cheek" to Cheeks, in the first stanza. along with a few other minor tweaks. But over all a very good piece.

[Tommy]

The torment of a forsaken heart. Those who long for death have tasted hell, and I must tell that it is the misfortune of this tale that speaks the story of regret. I have lived these words; not proudly, but truly, and regret the very thought of those thoughts expressed. I will say that it is not God who forsakes the heart but those who live with the pain within it. I sense I have said too much, but it is that of those who have lived to tell the tale who speak for the dead. And I am proud to say I am alive!
I hope never again to feel these words you have writ, for they speak of essences that haunt my heart. I guess this just shows how well you channeled the muse of a forsaken heart.

Solemn Write!
RLG,
Tommy

[Writer *78*]

Alot of writers when they have blocks, they tend to try to free themselves from it. Some of them write a different part of a story. Others tend to look up words and the first word they come across is what they choose to write about. Which is what you did. Suicide is a tough thing to talk about for many people. I think what is protrayed here by you is very meaningful and deep. You take the reader to the 'point of no return' as if it were a dream, and them BAM! you bring them back to reality. I can tell you that very few writers have a way of doing this. I enjoyed this very much so. Its another great piece of work to add to your portfolio when you show agents who are looking for clients. Again, great work. I am impressed.

-Writer *78*

[~~Mere~d~i~t--h~~]

Very sad, And I can't say as I relate, but it's very well written and well Portrayed =)

[Akshat♥]

i really the concept of the poem..
the feeling here are miserable and hard..
ending of life is not the perfect solution ...
keep trying is what we meant for..
good poem:)

[Theodore]

I like this one very deep understand where you coming from keep up the good work..