An Open Apology to the Aliens Who Abducted Me...

An Open Apology to the Aliens Who Abducted Me and Upon Whom I Inflicted Great Destruction While Having a Panic Attack Aboard the Mother Ship... (for a contest)

Dear Aliens,

I am so very sorry

For what I did...

To you...

To your ship...

To. Your. Leader.

I should be grateful,

It was a wonderful experience!

Floating in the bright lights,

Hearing your language,

Being experimented on,

To learn more about... Me!

I should have felt honored.

But I didn't.

Your bright lights blinded me,

Sent me into an anxiety attack,

So I punched you in your gruzzleflof.

Then, hearing your language,

Made me freeze up,

Before I bit off the guards antenna

And broke the door down to escape,

Which I failed.

And being experimented on made me laugh.

You cut my pants and jacket open

Thinking it was my skin!

But then you continued for layer two...

Then you

PENETRATED MY SKIN,

Hooked me to a machine,

And chopped my hair to be,

"Further analyzed."

That made me panic.

So after that, I'm sorry for

Tearing the machine apart,

Punching a hole in you wall

And tearing the wires inside the wall out,

Making your plane malfunction,

Then throwing the broken machine...

Through the window...

And knocking out your pilot...

Making your Mother Ship crash,

And land right in Area 51.

Once more, I'm sorry.

             -Shelbylugal

Author's Note

Tell me what you think about it. I know it's random but I did it for a contest. :)

Reviews

[Greg Close]

It works as a stream of consciousness thing, and the idea itself is obviously pretty amusing. Some of the punctuation choices threw me off a bit, eg. the ellipses on the successive lines "the broken machine... Through the window... knocking out your pilot..." It might work better as one long line, or without the ellipses, maybe?

Kudos for "So I punched you in your gruzzleflof." Inexplicably fantastic nonsense word! :)

[Green]

This is funny and totally original. Good job.

[nicolo]

HAHAHAHAHAHA

[Alicia Hirshey]

i really like this, it gives my laugh lines.

[Solidad]

This has to be one of THE MOST amazing takes on this subject known to date. I love this piece and the cinematic quality of it. J'adore

[SoLongAndThanksForAllTh..]

I really enjoyed reading this. I actually laughed out loud at the line, "Before I bit off the guards antenna"!

I think what makes this resonate so is the fact that I've seen so many interviews with alien-abductees on television and they always seems the most reasonable people saying the most unreasonable things. What you've done is taken that serious attitude and reversed it so that effectively it's as if you're saying, with tongue in cheek, "I know I'm supposed to take this seriously but..."

Your invention of the word "gruzzleflof" is pretty cool too. Leaving it up entirely to the reader lets us imagine just how painful that could have been for these poor little creatures who were only trying to do a bit of science!

I think this is a cracking read and I've added it to my favourites.

[Ashley June Canfield]

(: Good write.

[Sarusai Hiryu]

Random?
Impressive irony, anyway.

[Short.Nerd]

I love this! It was hilarious and amazing! Great job! (: