Life After

It has been 10 months and 20 days since I last heard your voice. Since I last found myself delighting in your laughter. Since I last voiced my concern for your wellbeing to you. It has been 10 months and 17 days since I last searched for you. Strange how time has passed since you did. I used to spend nearly every waking hour thinking of you, checking on you, laughing with you, crying with you, sitting in silence with you, passing time with you breathing the same air as I still do. Often I fall into a state of believing you are still here; here as in living on this same ridiculous space rock. I imagine your adventures, your schemes, your worry inducing encounters. I sometimes try to embody your carefree nature and your desire for weird new experiences. I try to quench your thirst for life by living doubly for us. But I also often find myself numb. More numb than I have ever been before. Lost. So lost. Scared too and frequently lonely. Like having my home destroyed and my heart removed. I yearn for you with every breath. Sometimes I want to burn the whole world down just to see if the flames feel like your warm embrace. Just to see if that might melt the ice in my veins. I will never understand why you had to go so soon. I miss you. My world, my heart, my comfort. For now I will move forward for you, for our daughter, and maybe someday for me too. I still can't say goodbye, but I will continue to say I love you. Always have and always will. 

Reviews

[willweb]

When I began reading this, maybe in 5,6 lines my thoughts were...I know exactly how this feels, the sadness, the pain, the missing someone. Yep, I'm a poet and I have been there but as I read further it became clear to me that I have no idea at all how this feels. I can say I felt tears welling up in my eyes as I thought about how it must have felt inside to write this. This was deep and it was affecting. Thank you for sharing this.