A False Start

Watch the sun rise breaking the horizon with its rays

Today is a new day, a better day, goodbye to the dark days

Deep in my bones I feel this warmth opening my eyes

Everything awake and alive and a smile to my surprise

Dances on my lips then tumbles to my heart

And in my mind flowers bloom and my life begins to start

 

 

 

 

 

But truthfully the sun never rose and didn't show its rays

Today is an old day, a harder day, hello to the darker days

Deep in my bones I feel this chill closing my eyes

Everything asleep and barely alive and to my surprise

A tear slides to my lips and tumbles to my heart

And in my mind flowers wilt and my life doesn't start

Author's Note

I honestly put so much emotion into this and it's really close to my heart. I hope you feel the emotions as you read it

Reviews

[Max5870]

your poem is an actual representation of how life is. there's joy, there's sorrow, and it's just a cycle, really. very good tbh

[Sami Khalil]

"Everything awake and alive and a smile to my surprise

Dances on my lips then tumbles to my heart"

[zainul]

Your have expressed your position quite eloquently.
Despite the frustration caused by misleading perception of a good day,your hope for a good day is quite appreciable.
Let's always hope for the best.
We know that joy follows sorrow.

[SquinklaPsyOps]

Simply divine, great work, keep them cumming.

[Sami Khalil]

The title , the poem , the form are all wonderful...Thank you for penning...:)

[cimmy wuv xxxooo]

Life doesn't always work out infact its hard and i can really relate to this.
Its like your explaining how you want to feel how you want your days to be.
But the truth is life sucks most of the time and its hard to be happy most of the time.

I wish life could be the way you described it at first and it probably could be but it takes allot of work.
Really pored out your heart very emotional, sad and touching.

[Kyle Sky]

Simply wonderful. The title really matches the entire poem. The structure was creative and the flow was admirable, but what really makes this poem great is the portrayal of idea, theme and mood.

You portrayed two different ideas, two different moods, and one powerful meaning. You portrayed the ideas of optimism and pessimism at the same time. You portrayed the mood of both hopefulness and disappointment. But the what truly made this admirable is the portrayal of the sad truth behind a hopeful beginning- it was not a good, bright day, but it was hope that made you see it as such.

A truly admired piece.

[sheila.j]

Thank you so much for such a detailed review! I'm really glad you noticed all the different moods I was trying to convey

[MrKnowAll]

Wonderful Poem! The structure , the content, the contradiction - all together play in harmony towards giving us the full coverage of what you are trying to convey.
"A false start" suits right to this poem. As we read, we think of this a poem that shows light overcoming dark, yet then we are opposed with the truth. Light didn't win, we just wish it will win.

Thank you for sharing!

[sheila.j]

Thank you so much for taking the time to read and review this!

[~*~Peace Keeper~*~]

I like how this flows I especially like the beginning but I can relate to both sides of this poem. We all have good and bad days but we hope that we have more good than bad.

Good Job

[sheila.j]

Thank you!

[~*~Peace Keeper~*~]

You're welcome