Burned Out

Feeling like your life is all to please someone else

I'm restless for something I don't know

Lie awake at night repeating the show

Thoughts that narrate

Memories that irritate

And feelings that frustrate

Is this living hell, or does it get worse

Because I lost all the money from my purse

Don't tell, but the purse is my heart

Money is my soul, but that's only the start

Cause I'm burned out like candles on a birthday cake

Wishes from everyone else, feeling like another mistake

I'd do anything to dig this grave and bury the remains

Say goodbye to this bloody heart, cover up the ugly stains

Lay to rest these troubled fears

Wipe away all the dirty black tears

Plaster on that "pretty" smile

Just to play the part of "happy" for a while

You'll never catch me fall apart

Cause if you remember I was nothing from the start

Author's Note

I would love to hear what you think about this poem

Reviews

[FocusedAmnesia]

The imagery your words create is unreal, which is hard to do when rhyming. I also love the last two lines. Great read.

[Glen Yumang Manese]

The metaphors in this one really speak out: Don't tell, but the purse is my heart
Money is my soul, but that's only the start... and then you give us the reader a formidable read with the rest of the lines... just flows and goes about the subject matter...

[sheila.j]

Thank you! Making the metaphors in this flow well and also stand out was exactly what I aimed to do

[Hester Vane]

This beautifully tragic, but very well crafted and conveyed. I think everyone has felt like this at some point and you have made the feelings very accessible.

[sheila.j]

Thank you! I was hoping to show those feelings in a really easy to understand way :)

[Ohhhwillow]

"Thoughts that narrate, memories that irritate", these two lines are great, and undead frustratingly familiar! Your analogy of the purse ad the money is very interesting, and I actually realised what you were getting at without the description. Perhaps here the following two lines are unneeded, and those who do not get it immediately will be filled with even more pleasure from your poem, at the ingenuity of your metaphor. :D The only other help I have for this is that the last line may be stronger without the word "cause". :) This is a nice piece Shiela, it reflects the realisation we all look for after tormenting ourself with physo-analysis of every detail of our memories. It represents a new beginning, and I think everyone is entitled to one of those. Well done :)

[sheila.j]

Thank you!! Especially for your helpful criticism :)

[kublakhan27]

Wonderful piece, with a lot of things I think about myself...you have a great knack for rhyme as well :)

[sheila.j]

Thank you!

[cimmy wuv xxxooo]

This was really good and interesting, lots of emotion seems like you really put your heart into it which was great :) The rhyme scheme was amazing which only made it more enjoyable to read. Seems like you have real talent. i think you should be getting more feedback :) Great write :)

[sheila.j]

Thank you so much!

[cimmy wuv xxxooo]

your most welcome hun keep writing your great :)

[sheila.j]

I don't plan on stopping anytime soon! (:

[cimmy wuv xxxooo]

good :) writing is great :)