Collapsing

It hurts when I fail not because I'm afraid of what others think, but of what I think

The pressure of keeping up, of excelling farther, of pushing harder is a nuise around my neck

and I stand on this tipping chair, legs chewed down like toothpicks ready to split

to drop my weight and collapse into worn down pieces of wood for a fire that will never burn

waiting for a spark that will never light because the matches are drenched in anxious sweat

and I will hang above the floor with vacant eyes of someone too ambitious for their age

someone who was possibly dead before the rope snapped their vertibra ceising the connections

 

 

Author's Note

Should I write more to this or leave it where it is??

Reviews

[~*~Peace Keeper~*~]

hmm well what I get out of this is someone that doesn't like to fail in their own eyes, they don't want to see themselves as a failure and when they do fail they feel like giving up and that they may not be worthy to stay alive in their own sight...I could be wrong but that's just what i got from it. I don't think anything else needs to be added to it unless you feel like you have forgotten something.

Good Job

[Kyle Sky]

Wonderful poem. This poem presented a very interesting and lovely concept. Although the idea was good, there is a lack of beauty that makes a poem attrative. There should be more figures that help the poem produce a stronger athmosphere and quality. The quality admirable in this poem is that it expressed good detail although it seems short.
My advice is that you continue this. i suggest that if you continue to write this, try to lengthen the stanzas and shorten the verses. But all in all, i think that this is simply good.

[Ohhhwillow]

"Nuise" should be "noose"

You show the beginning of a blossoming poem, of anxiety and loss of hope, however you seem to only hint upon what is tearing your world apart. Of course, it is not a necessity, but I'd hate to see this piece become nought but another teenage display of not but depression.. Definitely write more

[Margarette]

I suggest adding more lines to this as it only expresses a thought that tends to go back and forth like a cycle but overall, I really like the concept. You have displayed details that added a nice flow to the poem. Also, it would help if you portray this with verses, if you intend on continuing this as a poem since it really looked more like an essay or diary of some sort. You are a very good writer and I really appreciate you sharing your work. Thanks!