Naked and Ashamed

  This is one story about my life in which Iam embarrassed to talk about, but feel I need to share this. Telling my stories here may help someone else who is going through the same thing that Iam. I am a woman that stays in the house 24 hours a day, and I can't open the window or curtains unless my husband (my abuser) is home. I would be dead if he found out that I was telling these things online, so what I do is write things on paper and let him approve it.

I also write other things but I write my true feelings and the horrible life that I live to. Everyone all ways tell me to leave, I did that a couple of times and he treaten to hurt my family and kids. So of course I would come back to protect them, they mean the world to me. There are times when I don't know if my parents, my sibling or even my children are dead or alive. This man I married is a monster, I call him the two sides. He fits right in the category along with some other controlling people in the world like Idi Amin, Atitila The Haun and Dr. Jekell and Mr. Hyde.

Naked and ashamed is a story that happen in the late 1990's, my husband had been beating me, torturing me and raping for about 4 days. His reason was that a man from my past in which I went to school reconized me and said hello. I know the it was going to be hell to pay, I introduced my husband to him and I could tell he was furious and wanted to beat the crap out of me. I tried to explain that he was just a classmate and I knew him from school. I have not seen this guy for over 20 years.

So at the end of the 4 day beating because of this, he gets the idea to humiliate me in front of our kids. He called them into the gaurage after he had made me strip naked, I mean no close at all. The kids come in the gaurage, they were in elementary school at the time and he told the to look at your mama, she aint nothing but a w***e. Then he lifted up the gaurage door so that people riding by would see me naked. I wanted to die, but I was more worried about what my children thought of me, at the time he had the brain wash.

I'm trying to escape and leave, but he knows that and won't let me out of his site. If he has to leave he would pay someone to come over and watch me from outside. When I do get the chance to leave I will have to live my life in fear and hiding. I couldn't have contact with my family or kids becacuse I wouldn't want to put them into any danger.

If any of you truly knew the whole 25 year story, you wouldn't believe how can such a human being do these thing to anyone. There were physical abuse, mental, emotional and down right to the mind games. I have accepted that this is my fate and that I am going to die in this hell. But I stiil pray for God to come in and deliver me from this madness, I pray for his protect and most of all to be cover in the blood of Jesus.

Author's Note

I will give anything to live my life free of abuse. And to be free to love my family and kids without straints.

Reviews

[Rory CJ Frankson]

Keep at it Shiela, I doubt if this jerk below is really a Doctor. If he was, he would have some compassion for the truly abused. Reading his comments I'm led to believe... he is just an act. Yes you have some spelling issues, time and a lot of writing will correct them as you will yourself to grow and move beyond shame.

God loves saints and sinners equally, never doubt that you can rise with love and find a pride, in your beauty. The will to have strength in the power of yourself, can and does change events and god can remove these tortures from your world... believe that with all your heart! That you are here to share, is what your getting out of this... Getting out... from under your trials.

I'll pray for you!

Hmmm, yes I checked and this Doctor? Is no longer on this site and a very bitter disturbed man. I hope you didn't take what this a*****e said to heart?

[Doctor JKC]

"brain wash"
Perfect

God and Jesus will be of no help.
One just looks on and the other is dead.
Call the cops and ACLU and get
a free lawyer. I'm a psychologist with
training in drug abuse and crime.
I must ask, "Just what are you getting out of all this."
The victim is almost as culpable as the aggressor. Since you have a computer you must have "spell check"
and your words would be more credible should
you choose to use it.
Otherwise it could look like you are just an act,
as I am considering you might be.
Unless you get real help, I could consider you disordered,
especially since you claim your children are adults.
Dr. Callaghan