Loneliness

A Poem by Sheeba

Lonely moments make me understand more of me and give me new strength.

I love to be at sea shore when the sun takes a short nap and moon her day.

I live in my sweet memories which are now lost dreams. The music of the waves adds up colours to my dreams n the cold breeze comforts me. The dazzling stars give me a good dinner. The music from the violin played by a stranger from remoteness give a new energy which makes me live in my dreams.

The whispering and dancing of the small flies in the light of the sea shore lantern really fill my heart with all happiness. Ah! My soul flies like the kits in the air freely without any restriction. I love to be here for hours and hours, days and days, months and months, years and years or till my last breath enjoying this sweet loneliness. Oh no!!!!! The big sound of the siren made a hindrance to my world of pleasure. It reminds me of my duties which had been bestowed on me by time and fate.

© 2013 Sheeba

My Review

Would you like to review this Poem?
Login | Register

Featured Review

Maxine

Lovely Poem! I adored the line " I live in my sweet memories which are now lost dreams." Its beautiful and eloquent and simple yet has lots of power and resonates in you. Really the only suggestion I can find is to perhaps change the second "dream" in the fifth line (where it says "the colours to my dreams"). It could have just been my own weirdness, but I thought the word was repeated to close together and made it a little distracting to the overall piece. Perhaps there is a different way to phrase it?
Other than that it was truly lovely, though! :) Thank-you so much for sharing it with us!

Posted 11 Years Ago

1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Reviews

Gobinder Singh Dhindsa

Your writing is so Good. Well Done! Keep Writing Friend!

Do u read mine 2 "Why?, Who is a Poet"

If possible then give your reviews..

Regards,
Lucky

Posted 11 Years Ago

1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Sheeba

Dear James Hanna-Magill
sir, i don't have word to thank you. I thank you for finding patience in reading my poem and catching up all the feelings in it. Thanks a lot sir.

Posted 11 Years Ago

James Hanna-Magill

Dear Sheeba

And now my turn to review you.

In choosing which piece of yours to review first, I was struck by its title and immediately saw in it a correspondence between us both.

And then in opening and reading it, I found I was not disappointed.

Let me, if you may, review this as it comes.

I have written many short pieces, micro stories of 60 words exactly, which have been published as par of an anthology.

This piece in my view is somewhere between that and what I would call poetry in prose - the territory of some of our antecedents, such as the 19th French poet, Charles Baudelaire in his 'Fleurs du Mal'.

If I look at form here, it is delightfully unstructured.

Rather it is a form of stream of consciousness.

You say nothing much about yourself in your profile.

But you reveal all in your quote at the beginning of this piece:

'Lonely moments make me understand more of me and give me new strength'

I have written many pieces on solitude and loneliness.

It seems to me that over the 53 years I have spent on this blue planet, it has been a constant whilst all the rest just surface values.

Whilst apparently charming and engaging in company (I am a people's person) silence has largely reigned as it does even now.

Let me pick from your poem the pieces that I relate to and like most.

Your first sentence to begin with. If you are going to catch the reader's eye, with all writing you have to do right upfront and so:

' I love to be at sea shore when the sun takes a short nap and moon her day'.

I find the play of being asleep and awake here, moon and sun attractive.

Next:

'The music of the waves adds up colours to my dreams n the cold breeze comforts me'

What interests me above all about that single line is that you manage to capture 3 of the 5 senses in 1.

Sound: 'music
Sight: 'colours'
Touch: 'breeze'

Bravo!

'The music from the violin played by a stranger from remoteness give a new energy which makes me live in my dreams'

Somehow you as writer and me as one of your many readers take me back to times gone back where I worked in the South of France out of Marseille or in Paris and my then wife was divorcing me.

It is being lost in a crowd.

You have no identity in it as a person but you still find comfort in the oblique sounds of a violin. In fact it inspires you.

However much your loneliness may be scourge, you find solace in it.

But like me in France, in the end, what keeps us tied into life and its habits is the routine. Hence your parting words:

'The big sound of the siren made a hindrance to my world of pleasure. It reminds me of my duties which had been bestowed on me by time and fate'.

I say this often, but it is worth repeating in parting.

We all may think as a writer we have an audience.

Not so.

What we have is an intimate conversation with an individual reader, one at a time, the one who holds your book in their hands or who views you on screen.

That conversation revolves around the experiences of both.

One reader will always give you a different reaction, even if only in the slightest of ways.

And so you have had my response.

There is something delicate about this piece which draws me personally back to times in my past.

Like the word you use 'breeze' wafting always from behind.

And in so doing you have moved me - what I consider to be the most important tool in any writer's armoury.

Inspiring and beautifully elegiac.

With my thanks

James Hanna-Magill

Posted 11 Years Ago

Dear Sheeba

And now my turn to review you.

In choosing which piece of yours to review first, I was struck by its title and immediately saw in it a correspondence between us both.

And then in opening and reading it, I found I was not disappointed.

Let me, if you may, review this as it comes.

I have written many short pieces, micro stories of 60 words exactly, which have been published as par of an anthology.

This piece in my view is somewhere between that and what I would call poetry in prose - the territory of some of our antecedents, such as the 19th French poet, Charles Baudelaire in his 'Fleurs du Mal'.

If I look at form here, it is delightfully unstructured.

Rather it is a form of stream of consciousness.

You say nothing much about yourself in your profile.

But you reveal all in your quote at the beginning of this piece:

'Lonely moments make me understand more of me and give me new strength'

I have written many pieces on solitude and loneliness.

It seems to me that over the 53 years I have spent on this blue planet, it has been a constant whilst all the rest just surface values.

Whilst apparently charming and engaging in company (I am a people's person) silence has largely reigned as it does even now.

Let me pick from your poem the pieces that I relate to and like most.

Your first sentence to begin with. If you are going to catch the reader's eye, with all writing you have to do right upfront and so:

' I love to be at sea shore when the sun takes a short nap and moon her day'.

I find the play of being asleep and awake here, moon and sun attractive.

'The music of the waves adds up colours to my dreams n the cold breeze comforts me'

What interests me above all about that single line is that you manage to capture 3 of the 5 senses in 1.

Sound: 'music
Sight: 'colours'
Touch: 'breeze'

Bravo!

'The music from the violin played by a stranger from remoteness give a new energy which makes me live in my dreams'

Somehow you as writer and me as one of your many readers take me back to times gone back where I worked in the South of France out of Marseille or in Paris and my then wife was divorcing me.

It is being lost in a crowd.

You have no identity in it as a person but you still find comfort in the oblique sounds of a violin. In fact it inspires you.

However much your loneliness may be scourge, you find solace in it.

But like me in France, in the end, what keeps us tied into life and its habits is the routine. Hence your parting words:

'The big sound of the siren made a hindrance to my world of pleasure. It reminds me of my duties which had been bestowed on me by time and fate'.

I say this often, but it is worth repeating in parting.

We all may think as a writer we have an audience.

Not so.

What we have is an intimate conversation with an individual reader, one at a time, the one who holds your book in their hands or who views you on screen.

That conversation revolves around the experiences of both.

One reader will always give you a different reaction, even if only in the slightest of ways.

And so you have had my response.

There is something delicate about this piece which draws me personally back to times in my past.

Like the word you use 'breeze' wafting always from behind.

And in so doing you have moved me - what I consider to be the most important tool in any writer's armoury.

Inspiring and beautifully elegiac.

With my thanks

James Hanna-Magill

Rating /100