Two

Two

My eyes open and instead of a white ceiling, it’s black with fairy lights, they almost look like stars. I frown, sitting up, I look around the room. The walls are also black and like the ceiling are plastered with little lights. I’m lying in a single bed with a white headrest. In the far corner is a desk which is below pictures after pictures people. I twist my feet round and turn my body. I sit on the edge of the bed, on the wall in front is a mirror and for the first time since I first woke up in hospital, I see myself. The first thing that stands out are my eyes, they’re a deep blue that makes my head spin. My skin is pale and my frame is fragile. I have dirty ash blonde hair which is tied away from my face. I look back at the pictures, I see the same girl I see in the mirror in all of them. I turn to the mirror, I look different now. It’s not my scars from a crash I can’t remember that makes me feel this way. I look at the pictures quickly then turn my head back to the mirror. The reason I look so different is because that girl in the pictures is happy. I don’t know why I am not; just something inside me has stopped. Something important. And I don’t know what.
     “Lana?” Calls a voice from downstairs. “Breakfast”
I slip out of bed and walk down the stairs, like back at the hospital, I am barefooted. I walk into a small kitchen in the middle there is a round wooden table holding five people.
I can tell who three of them are from when I was still in the hospital, one is my mother, another is my sister and the last is my father. I look at my ‘sisters’ face, the burns are still there. It looks better than from before, but she obviously hasn’t had skin grafting.
     “Lana?” my mother’s voice is shaking.
I look at her and frown, then at the two other people. They are both girls, the first has light auburn hair and tanned skin, her eyes are brown. The other has black raven hair and green eyes.
     “Is she okay?” the first girl asks.

I stare at her.
     “I’m not being rude and don’t be offended, but who are you?”
She frowns.
     “Lana, I’ve been coming to see you for a month, I’m Millie. Don’t you remember?”
I knit my brow; I don’t know who she is.
     “Do you know me?” the second girl asks.
I shake my head.
     “I’m Lis.”
I try to remember, but nothing comes to me.
     “Again, not to be rude, but why are you here?”
My mother stands up and leads me over to me seat next to her. In front of me is a bagel filled with bacon and egg.
     “You invited them. Don’t you remember? Yesterday, you said it would be nice for them to come for breakfast”
I push my food away.
     “I don’t remember that.” I turn to her “How long have I been away from the hospital?”
She pushes it back to me.
     “Lana, you have to eat. Just a bite? And you’ve been out for about two months” my father nods.
     “But, I’ve just woke up”
Lis and Millie stand up.
     “We’ll go, sorry”
They leave and my father turns to me.
     “Lana, that was rude. If you didn’t want them to stay you could have just told us, not make up a lie. Lying is never an option in this house, you know that-” he stops and hopes no one notices.
     “I don’t know, do I?” I snap.
My sister turns to him.
     “Dad, I don’t think she is lying. Look at her” her eyes shift back to me. “She looks paler than usual.”
They all look at me.
     “I’ll call Dr. Samuel” My mother gets up and hurries out of the room.
I hear mumbles and then she comes back in.
     “Lana, go get dressed, I’m taking you back to the hospital”
I get up and walk away.
     “Mary, she’s just came out, I don’t think she wants to go back!” I stop at the stairs and listen.
“Arthur, she was just getting her life back in order. She’s losing it again, you saw the way she look at us, it was as if she had just woken up after she collapsed in your ward”
I head upstairs just as I hear footsteps. I slip into my room and walk over to the wardrobe; I pull out clothes and put them on. I decide to sit on the bed as I tie my hair up again, looking in the mirror as I go. There was something about the sadness in my eyes that made me wonder if that emotion was pain, somewhere deep down, I wonder if it was something else. A raw emotion that I had never felt before, something about the way they were reflecting back was different from any other set of eyes. I put my arms to my side and carry on staring at myself. For some reason I felt like I was watching myself from outside my body, I could tell I was ‘sad’ but I couldn’t feel it. It was like I was a character in a story, it didn’t belong to me, but I read it. I was the character, the plot was my life, yet it wasn’t mine or I was in someone else’s skin, ruining their life a breath at a time.
     “Lana? Are you ready?” my mother calls up.
I nod to myself.
     “Yeah, I’m coming”

I get up and walk down stairs, my mother is holding out a coat, I slip my arms into it and wrap the fabric around my body. She smiles at me and leads me outside, we both get in the car and mother drives off.
     “Can I ask you something?”
She glances at me, and then nods.
     “Yeah, sure. Anything, sweetheart”
I consider what to ask her, before actually speaking.
     “What happened in the crash?”
She doesn’t reply instantly.
     “Sorry, I didn’t mean to bring back memories” I close my eyes, realizing how stupid that was to say, but she laughs at my comment.
     “It was your Uncle Ben’s wedding, your father had drunk too much so I took the wheel. You and Astrid were in the back, laughing at your dad’s drunkenness” she smiles, but then it fades.
     “I can’t remember why I stopped so urgently, but there obviously was a reason and before I knew it, we were rolling upside down. I could hear you and your sister’s screams, it made my heart ache with guilt” a tear falls down her face and I wish I had the strength to comfort her, but I don’t, because I just meet this woman.
     “I heard a smash and I opened my eyes, there was so much fire. Astrid was unconscious and then I heard you. You were calling for me, but I couldn’t move. You were calling out for me and I couldn’t do anything but listen. Then it was black, the next thing I know, I’m waking up in hospital, a doctor telling me my heart had stopped, my daughters face had almost been burnt off, my other daughter not remembering anything and my husband with broken bones. It wasn’t easy to except. Nothing is, to be honest”
She looks at me then back at the road.
     “It’s my entire fault. It’s my fault that my youngest will always look different to us, it’s my fault that my other daughter can’t remember who I am. It’s my fault that our family is being ripped apart because of a crash, a crash that I caused.”
A tear falls down her face.
     “Mother, it isn’t. Everything happens for a reason, but it isn’t your fault.” I pause and consider what to say next.
     “I do remember something” her head snaps back to me. “I remember someone once telling me that no one is perfect, everyone has made a mistake. If you haven’t you need to let go of your idea of a perfect human, because not one exists” she smiles.
     “I told you that, you had just chucked my wedding ring down the sink and you were crying, saying that you were so sorry and it was your entire fault. I sat you down and I told you that”
     “I hate that I remember small tiny things, but I can’t remember it all. It actually hurts to look in the mirror and know that once a upon a time, I was happy.”
She pulls into a space in a empty car park and looks at me.
     “I’m going to make you that girl again, okay? The girl who used to come down stairs and just be smiling even if I heard her cry herself to sleep last night. You’re strong, weather you remember it or not.”
I can’t help but smile, because for the first time since I woke up, I feel familiar.
     “Let’s go” she grabs her bag and climbs out the car.
I slip out and shut the door behind me. We walk into the building and go to the front desk.
     “Hi, I booked an appointment with Dr. Samuel for my daughter, Lana Willow”
The lady behind the desk looks up to me, she smiles and types something on the old fashioned computer that sits in front of her. She looks back at us.
     “She’ll be with you shortly; would you like to take a seat while you wait?” My mother leads us to seats near the brown door.
For the first time since we entered, I look around. Instinctively, I look up and see a T.V in the air, it’s on mute. I watch it for a few seconds before shifting my head away. I see a boy sitting with his mother. He looks about my age, maybe older. He looks up at me and smiles. I grin back, biting my lip slightly. My mother notices this and laughs
     “I see you knack of picking cute boys isn’t forgotten” I look at her and chuckle, her eyes brighten up.
     “I was good at picking boys?” I ask.
She looks at him then back to me.
     “Yes, you must have my gene.” I smile. “If only you could remember you last boyfriend, seriously, if he was eighteen years older, I would defiantly have considered him” I laugh and look at him once again, he smiles.
     “What happened to him?” I ask, turning back to her.
Her smile fades.
     “I guess you could pick the lookers, but never the stickers.”
I look to my hands.
     “It doesn’t matter, Lana. Not anymore. All that matters is that you’re here and you’re safe. You could have any boy, because you’re beautiful” she smiles.
     “Lana Willow” someone calls.
We look up and see Dr. Samuel standing above us. I stand up and she walks away, we follow.
I look back to the boy and see him watching me. I turn forwards and enter the brown door. She walks into a small room and takes a seat behind a desk; we sit down in the seats in front of her.
     “Hello, Lana. How are you?”
She smiles at me.
     “I’m good, thanks”
 She then turns to my mother.
     “So, Mary, why did you call? You said it was urgent?”
My mother looks at me and takes my hand. Then turns back,
     “When Lana came down stairs, she couldn’t remember anything from the last few months. The day before she invited her two friends who had been coming round since she got out, but when she came down all she could remember was collapsing in the hospital. I’m worried. I’m-” her voice breaks and she covers it up by a cough. “I’m so worried about her.”
I can’t help but notice her eyes filling up with water. Dr. Samuel passes her a tissue then turns to me.
     “I’m sorry, Lana, but I’ve never heard of such thing. I’ll try and find out what’s happening, but for the time just keep taking drinking a lot of water and look at pictures from before the accident. It might trigger something” I nod.
     “I actually did remember something, before we came here I remember someone telling me someone. The memory is all blurred, but I can hear the voice”
Dr. Samuel frowns.
     “Who is the voice?” she asks.
I look at my mother.
     “I am” she says.
The doctor smiles.
      “Progress is progress”
I nod.
     “Okay, I better get on. You have my number in case of this happening again, I’ll call if I find out what’s going on with you, Lana” she gets up and shakes hands with my mother.
We walk out and go through the brown doors. The boy still sits there, the woman who was with him, nowhere to be seen.
     “You should go and talk to him” My mother says, nodding to him.
I look at her and she smiles.
     “Okay, I won’t be long” she laughs and takes a seat as I walk over to him.
He has brown hair, almost black and his eyes are a chocolate brown. I smile and sit down in the chair next to him.
     “Hi, I’m Lana”
He looks at me and smiles.
     “Hey, Lana. I’m Matt”
I grin.
     “Why are you in here, then?” I ask.
He points to his ankle
     “Broke it playing football” he turns red. “What about you?”
I look to my lap.
     “A few months ago, I got in a car crash. I went through the wind screen and forgot everything. Woke up in hospital, they told me I was lucky to be alive. I’ve been home for a long time and this morning I woke up, and I couldn’t remember it. The past few months all wiped from my mind, it’s as if someone is pressing delete in my brain”
I look at him and his eyes are full of sorrow.
     “I’m so sorry to hear that”
I smile.
     “Why are you sorry, it wasn’t you fault”
The corners of his mouth turn up.
     “Give me your phone” he says.
I raise my eyebrows at him.
     “It’s not like I’m going to run away with it, I mean I can’t even walk away with it” I laugh.
     “My mum’s getting me a wheelchair.”
Handing him my phone, he pulls out his. He types something on mine and hands it back.
     “My number, in case you want to hang out sometime” I smile. “It’s not fake, I promise, look text me” he hands my phone back and I click on his name.
I type a message and press send, a few seconds later, his phone goes. He shows me the screen, my text is there and I smile.
     “See” he smiles and looks behind me.
     “I have to go, my mum is back”
I nod and get up.
     “Yeah, sure. I’ll call you sometime”
He smiles at me.
     “I’d like that.”|
The corners of my mouth turn up.
     “I better go then, bye” I say
     “See ya” he replies.
I walk back to my mother who is waiting for me.
     “Got his number?” she asks.
Nodding, I look round to him. I smile.
     “Something like that”