The Legal Way

In the English Lit AP class I'm in we are exploring Satire. This is my attempt at such writing. I've only mildly edited it from the first version according to some suggestions to the teacher made. Luckily, he (the teacher) liked it and even gave me an

Mr. Mark Marlow:

It has come to my attention that, as a student that looks for a challenge in
classes, there are few options for me to push my knowledge further. Instead, all
options for different level classes are those that are lower than average for students that cannot do as well in regular classes. These students usually just don’t like doing homework or paying attention during classes and take the “easy way out.” I think it’s time we give them, and us, the students that would like to learn more, just that in a new way.

What I propose is eliminating the aforementioned “lower” classes and replace them with a new “life skills” program that will teach students not looking for a higher education in the already given areas in school, such as English, History, et cetera, but rather a different way to later make a comfortable living. This program would include a few areas of learning that students could choose from or be placed in by the teachers of those classes that think the area would suit them better.

The teachers of the old classes could teach the upper-level students, allowing them to expand their knowledge in smaller classes taught by the new teachers in junction with the ones already teaching the upper-level students. This would help said students excel further than before and open them to new classes, too. However, to keep things easier, the upper- (those that upper-level students would take part in) and lower-level (the new program of classes) classes would not mix student types. This ensures smoother learning.

The new program would offer, as I mentioned, a wide variety of classes that taught valuable life skills that would both make these children money later in life but also give them a safe lifestyle to follow. Order is essential in a stable life!

The prototype classes list I’ve come up with that I think would be best accepted consists of the following professional areas:

         -Gambling
         -Prostitution
         -Becoming a Successful Drug Lord
         -How to Be a Bootlegger
         -How to Successfully Use the Black Market
         -Exploiting Children for Manufacturing Purposes

It’s obvious how easily such courses could promote a better understanding of current life and society as well as teach skills to take to the bank, even at a young age. Who needs minimum wage when you can get thousands by selling just one kidney or a few hours of your time and body?

Finding teachers for such classes wouldn’t be hard; no real formal education would be needed on their part, as this would be classified now as more of “street smarts” rather than textbook knowledge. Many would be willing to teach, too, I’m sure, for nothing more than a small salary.

The other great benefit is that, although some may call these professions less professional that some careers, learning them in school, in a safe environment, would ensure the children’s safety once they practice their newly acquired skills. Also, once they’re out there, perfecting their services, and making money, they’ll probably be so glad that they were taught what they know from their very own local school and be much more willing to make donations or mentor younger students with similar aspirations as they had!

I hope you consider this offer; I’m always available to discuss this matter further and brainstorm other ideas for new classes for the new program. I’m sure we’d all benefit from such a change, student and teacher alike.

           Sincerely,
           Shayna Medinger

Author's Note

I probably will not be re-writing or editing this one as it's not important, but still feel free to review.