Losing Time
Have you ever found yourself longing for something, so bad, that it feels like nothing around you is happening? Like, the world passes you by in a blur, while you sit, staring at a void where there was once happiness? You reach out to touch it, to grab ahold of what is no longer there, and you touch a passerby, who looks at you strangely, and continues on their way. They don’t know you, and you don’t know them, but the desperation in your eyes frightens them, and they walk faster in hopes of leaving the haunting look far behind them. At this point, you look at the time. Not because you have somewhere you need to be, although to be completely honest, you probably do, you just don’t remember. No, you look at the time, to see how long it’s been. How much time has passed? And every time you check, only a few minutes, a few small moments that lasted for decades, has gone by. Every second is an hour, and every minute lasts a lifetime, when you’re empty inside. You go back to sitting, staring at that void, and you lose track again. There eventually comes a time, when you even forget what it was, that you were longing for. You forget what it was, that you wanted so bad. The void has consumed all rational thought, and your eyes glaze over, losing the spark that kept them lit. Like that paint, that sits beside “Gloss”…. The flat paint, although for some reason, they give it a fancy name. They should just call it “Lifeless”, because that’s the only way to describe that paint, and it’s the only way to describe your eyes. You look down at your clasped hands, and you don’t remember clasping them. Are you breathing? You put your hand to your chest, to check. Yes, you are. But you don’t realize the effort your body is putting into that simple task. What your body is doing to keep you alive. You don’t want to die, that’s not why you’re slowly letting go. You just don’t notice anymore. You care, at least… You used to. But you can’t even remember that time. It feels so long ago… You glance again at the clock… A few more minutes have passed. Or maybe a few days passed, and by some coincidence you happened to glance at the clock three minutes, and three days, since the first time. Maybe… You lose track of what it was that you were pondering, and close your eyes, you’ll only rest for a moment, only a moment. Your head feels heavy, so you lean against the void, and as you slowly fall in, your last conscious thought is wondering how much time has passed.
By: Shayla Sayer
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