I’m dying�"as my fears finallycatch
up to me and over come my half-hearted defenses. Why? How? I cry in
thenight but none come to comfort me; tears leak out in a crowd, but
those aroundme turn away, oblivious to my inner turmoil. Am I going
insane? Am I losing itcompletely, irreversibly�"my mind is gone
altogether… My brain is still functioning;see how I continue to
breathe…? But my rational side, that part of me thatdefines logic and
thinking in general… this, my friend, is gone. At least thefood here is
good… the staff is nice, and the days all blur into one�"like asingle
blob in my plane of existence, my past is all I can recollect;
mypresent is inexistent and my future just isn’t there. I miss those
days oflightness, those days where I danced in the sunlight… now I
hardly see the day,and when I do�"I shrink from the bright colors. Every
thing here is washedout�"the sheets, the gowns, the socks… even the
carpet looks faded, like themany footsteps that have trekked across
their edges have worn it away somehow.I will take this place with me
when I leave… whenever that will be. The nursesshake their heads as I
cower from the light flooding my sparse room from theopen blinds; the
windows are nailed shut, I look out on a parking lot labeled“visitors”
that none ever seem to enter. I’m dying�"I know it… my insides are atwar
and my mind has long since lost the battle to retain dominance. What
hashappened to me? I was once so happy, so smart, so charismatic.
People weredrawn to my glow, but now that glow has dimmed and I wallow
in this placewithout an internal light to guide me. Why? How? Even now
as I cry, none cansee me and they pass me by without a glance. I, my
friend, am inexistent andhave lost my sense of self. I… am gone.
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