The Absence of Shadows

A recent experience of mine

There are only a handful of moments in life that can bring the type of happiness that finding someone you truly connect with does.  When words aren't necessary and the whispers and promises shared between stares could fill the pages of a million books, if the worlds greatest authors and poets wouldn't fail in attempts to pen what even imagination cannot fully explain.   

Even now, I feel hopeless in my own attempt, as I know that there is no way to truly illustrate for you exactly what I mean.  How amazing it feels when someone just simply "gets" you, completely, and it's obvious that your happiness is instantly and wholly reflected back like a beacon of light between their eyes and yours.  And, the millions of sensations, all different...all intimate...spread like photons in a beam of light, pulse through your body enveloping you both, b/c its as much as part of who you are together, as your own face is to you.  

When a moment away, even an hour, seems like days, and though conversation is not a necessary part of any of it, the conversations that you have go through so many layers.  It reminds you of an appetizer- like seven layer dip- or a succulent desert, that you don't dare eat quickly, but savor, tiny bites at a time.  

Alas, such a beautiful and brilliant light can only exist in a world that can be equivocally dark and dreary.  One with the absence of shadows.  A world where one feels only loss.

And, never have I felt the agonizing pain of loss more acutely then I have over the last five days.  When it feels as though all of the light in the world is suddenly gone, and there is nothing but cold, and tears mimic endless raindrops falling all around.  Except that there is no shelter away from this storm;  no blanket, or coat, or fire to light a candle or warm your bones, or shadows.  

Author's Note

your insight would be most welcome...although I think for this particular one...it doesn't matter what anyone says...im fucked