Let's go for a drive

I'm trying to find the moon

I'm on my mother's lap. She's trying to be very gentle with me. Treating every touch like a gift.

I have an idea why.

The moon disappeared

I can't see it from where I am.

I'm laying down and being small

My dad is driving, it's quiet and dark. He's not looking back and I don't know if it'll be better if he was.

It came back. The moon. It's bright and full.

It would have been a beautiful night for a drive.

I try to concentrate on how it comes and goes, maybe use it to try and fold my mind into something coherent and safe.

It's quiet and dark.

I would almost find it funny how my thoughts are subtle and chaotic at the same time.

I never would have imagined being alone in a room full of people,

You can never imagine it. Yet there's still phrases like 'I understand'

How? When even I struggle to understand

So the world must be a lie.

The moon an illusion, the car a pretence. My parents fictional characters and I...

the intangible conflict,

the one that makes the great protagonist suffer

That way it makes sense that I ruin all these lives. That's the way it was foretold.

We're trying to find something to bring me back. Things I do we do know.

You see, it hurts them that I'm doing this alone, so they create their own little lie

Maybe we'll get some ice cream. Yes. That will fix everything.

I smile.

Maybe that will help them forget, enjoy their little lie

But I can never pretend

However it is the least I can do, for all the life that I've ruined

I'll keep searching for the moon. Make it my little lie

Try to make it enough

Always keep trying right?

Reviews

[Einstein Noodle]

first of all ... welcome to the Cafe' .. i noticed your moniker from a review you left on a poem i also read and had to stop by ..
i think you most definitely have a knack for writing ... your prose/poem drew me in with it's honest vulnerability .. you make it real .. i am empathetic start to close .. the metaphor of the "ride" is stunning in its simplicity, i think .. a child in the mother's lap .. the moon in and out of focus and grasp .. the world view reflected in "Let's go for a drive" is deeper than many teens aquire as adults ... depression is a serious thing ... the "parents" here seem engaged in their own struggle .. unable to help .. lacking understanding they perhaps blame themselves actually ... hmmmm a haunting read .. smooth flow .. the theme is important .. imaging keeps me right there in the car with everyone .. well done .. glad i stopped ... see you around eh!? right here at the Cafe'
E.

[sharleenm]

I’m really glad you found my writing. We’ll be seeing each other around, right here

[Caroline B A Maguire]

The moon does disappear once a month for a few days..I only found that out a couple of months ago...imagine 52 years old and not knowing that..!?lol..just to say adults dont know s**t either ..we all just kids playing grown up. Noone will understand your story because it is unique to you..not just your struggle but all of your story..my psychosis and depression started 30 years ago and I let it define me for a time but now I'm kinda proud of it and myself for making it out through the storm..you will get there too ..and it won't take you 30 years nor anywhere near it i can assure you because u have an outlet I didn't have then ..your writing..which is exceptionally mature and belies your Young age..so keep at the writing my friend. You have much to say and you need to say it and I for one want to hear it ! Much love.caroline 🤗

[sharleenm]

I needed that. Thank you