Last one to go home

Story about the wait that shaped me

Looking around the playground, watching the auto rickshaws and the school buses leave the premises one by one; added another heartbeat in me, waiting for father to show up.

Clad in shorts, school bag and tie, kept neat throughout the day; I took a sip from the bottle, it was almost empty, so was my patience.
From anger, to fear; the school ground empty, I stood at the same spot trembling.
Scared if the teacher asked him never to take me home again, I prayed for better grades so that father would love me more. Just when the first tear rolled down my cheeks, I saw his scooter at the gates. His reassuring smile told me that I will never be left alone, he will always be there to take me home.   

The End

Author's Note

Do review.

Reviews

[Carol Cashes]

People assume that children are full of innocence and cotton candy dreams, when too many times, they are filled with such fear!!! Lucky children have parents who follow through, who are there as much as they can be. Imagine the child whose father didn't show.
Hmmph! Short and powerful. Good Read for me, Great write for you.

[Ashwin Shanker]

I wrote this and posted this here because I know this is one sentiment that is shared and understood around the world

[Anjali]

A nicely written poem describing a kid waiting at school for his father to take him home. It surely made me feel nostalgic.

[Themistocles Parnassos]

That was a very short and very cool story, beautifully written.

[Zoya]

Haha, that used to happen with me everyday in preparatory school! I was a real cry-baby back then. So very relatable. Thank you for sharing.

[Ashwin Shanker]

Thank your for the review Zoe

[Zoya]

You're welcome

[Kate mccracken]

This is really unique writing. For a situation that usually isn't beautiful you were able to make the writing beautiful

[Ashwin Shanker]

Glad to know you liked it Kate

[Coyote Poetry]

I liked the journey shared in the story. A play ground by a school. Some hard memories and some good ones. I liked the story told in the poem. Very good ending to the amazing words and thoughts. I did like this one.
Coyote

[Ashwin Shanker]

Thank you for the review Coyote

[Coyote Poetry]

You are welcome my friend.

[Pragati Chaudhary]

Hahahahahaha

I could surely relate to this :D
It brought a huge smile on my face :D

:)

[Ashwin Shanker]

thank you for the review Pragati

[KWP]

Hey Ashwin,

I had to read this a couple of times to grasp the intent behind it. On first read, of the first two paragraphs I thought it was the teacher still waiting at school. That was because of the line 'I took a sip from my bottle, it was empty, so was my patience'.

This line seems too old for a young school kid to say, especially if they are still at an age where they are worrying of their father is coming to get them.

The wee story theme is excellent, I do feel though that if you changed the language to suit that of a child it would have much more impact.

I'd also like to get more a feel for the scene of the playground. What does the child hear, smell, touch?

Love Indian writing - thank you X

[Ashwin Shanker]

Thank you so much, would definitely love to read your reviews for some of my other short stories as well

[Sami Khalil]

Very endearing write. School life, the fear and the bonding. You do it all right.

[Ashwin Shanker]

Thank you for the review Sami

[Sami Khalil]

You are immensely welcome.

[Ghania]

Oh wow, the unfathomable love and bonding.
As a daughter, I have always found my Dad as my saviour. He being the one, who's always present there, no matter what others say.
You have described the blessing in a lovely way!

[Ashwin Shanker]

Glad to know you loved it NerdyBeauty