Bakery Chocolates

For the childhood that comes alive

 

One of the happiest times of my life: school years.
My mom, who’s been working at a hill station until then, just got transferred to our city. So my room, which used to be cleaned once a week now, awakens to fresh, sheets every day.

My room would be spotless, like the surface of a mirror. My mom would be so happy that she was back, that now she could visit her favourite bakery every day. The white plastic bag of ‘Bhava Bakery’ was usual in her hands while walking home from work.

I would always make it a point to reach half an hour before her. It was not a ‘me’ time; it was a whole house to myself time. When she reaches the gate, I would be by the window upstairs. My trusty umbrella/sniper rifle pointed at her, scanning the white plastic bags. If there were no bags with sweets in it, her well-rehearsed excuses were scrutinised. If the bags were there, then she received a dimpled smile.

I spotted the white bag in her hands, check.

Round one clear. I had asked her to bring chocolates today instead of the usual biscuits. I went downstairs to receive her, said a Hi and clutched the bag. I found a metallic box inside. I remembered seeing this before.

“It’s my lunch box”, mother said.

“Where is the other box?”

“There is no other box today.”

“Why not?”

 “I am bringing it almost daily now; I do not want to make it a habit for you.”

“What is wrong with every day?” I said, “Life is short, right?”

“Life is not short, you are. And too little to be eating so much of sweets, go back to your room. Did you do your homework?”

With lowered tone, “No, “I said disappointed.

It was much later in life that I realised that the best way to make anyone listen to your command is to make them feel guilty first.

I turned towards my bedroom; head held down. No chocolate filled half-hour of cartoon network today. Maybe she forgot, or maybe she got shouted at by her boss or something.

Once I finished my homework, my mom asked me to bring her mobile phone from her hand bag. I opened it and found “Dairy milk” in it. I took the chocolate and ran to her.

“Thank you, Amma”.

She looked at me and smiled.

I love surprises, still do.

However, for a week, there was no bag; slowly I had to coerce her to get it one more time. She brought home sweets twice or thrice a week perhaps. I would aim my sniper scope at her from my room upstairs (a broken half of my binoculars) the scope was an upgrade that I added to my fully functional rifle/ umbrella. Just a hole and trigger was missing.

It was a Wednesday. Mother had promised to bring a few chocolate cakes on her way back from office. The deals are usually made over the phone while she is about to leave office. I would have to give her an account of my day at school. I would make it a point to highlight even the smallest of accolades I had during the day. Good days usually resulted in a treat. I learnt the basics of salesmanship at a very young age.

It was another Wednesday, and I had won an award for the best essay in class. Actually, my English teacher said, “very good” after reading my essay which she didn’t to anyone else, so logically that would qualify me for an award if there ever was one, Right?

It was 5:30 p.m. and the lever of the gate clanged.

I ran below to receive her. She smiled at me for a job well done. I smirked with an academic air and stretched my right hand, but she brought her hand, but I just took the bag and ran.

I still drool when I see a plastic bag from that bakery. It is no wonder that I often don’t throw away the covers from my room after eating the sweets. It fills the room with sweet possibilities of tomorrow. 

As I took the plastic bag from her and looked inside, I found her metallic lunchbox inside. “You want me to eat your leftovers for writing the best essay in school?”

“You didn’t write the best essay or anything; I had a word with your teacher from my office.”

“What? Why did you call her?”

“I had called her to set another meeting, but I guess I would have to keep calling her now and then, now that you have started winning so many awards in class.”

People who say children have it all easy are welcome to fill in my shoes for a couple of days.

 

I was dejected as I took the lunchbox with the plastic bag inside. I will now have to conjure up new tricks to stay floating in the trade. While she was having a bath, I checked her bag, there was no dairy milk inside, No surprises today I guess.

I finished my homework early and treated myself to an hour of the 16-bit video game on T.V. Mom didn’t object to it. I also volunteered to wash the dishes as it was a part of the new set of tricks. As I finished with the dishes, my mom handed me her lunch box “Really? Hate this box right now.”

“Please wash this too please?”

“Alright,” as I took the box and opened it. The “Dairy milk” was inside.

I love surprises, I always do.

 

THE END

Reviews

[Jenny]

Is this story really about your childhood? or just pieces?

I think the hardest part for me was the part when he slapped his mother's hand away and took the bag (could even say "snatched" there...it might work a little better). I couldn't help but think about if I did that to my mother.

I felt like he was greedy. At the same time the story was incredibly honest and captured how some children really act and react to situations. But were the mother's reactions accurate?

You also expressed joy, childlike innocence, and the narrator's mishciveous personality so well, whille showing an endearing relationship between a mother and son.

Thank you for sharing

[Ashwin Shanker]

Thank you for the review Jenny :)

[Jenny]

Anytime ;)

[Parvathy Nandan]

this is beautiful, i mean beautiful expressions...one could, u know, feel that little boy's yearning for that piece of chocolate....and that's the hallmark of a very good writer....gud work
Cheers

[Ashwin Shanker]

Most of what I have written here is my own childhood. A wonderful childhood, so the beauty of it has come on to the paper.

[Parvathy Nandan]

☺ the personal element was very evident..

[D Connolly]

This is a wonderful story. I love chocolate too :)

[Ashwin Shanker]

Yaaay... :D hehehe

[Alka]

I loved how you have captured the kids expectations ,innocence ..very well written

[Ashwin Shanker]

Thank you for the review Alka

[Lauren_s97x]

I really enjoyed this story - the concept was very well thought out & it was entertaining too.

The only thing I would pick up on is the way you have written it out. Some of the paragraphs were cut short & new ones were started even though they were continuing from the previous sentence, for example:

"My mom would be so happy that she was back, that now she visits her favourite bakery every day.
The white plastic bag of ‘Bhava Bakery’ was usual in her hands while walking home from work.

I would be there, always making it a point to reach half an hour before she does." - To me, I feel as though this should have been in the same paragraph as it is talking about the same situation.

Maybe it is just me, some may disagree.

Other than that it was a great read & I was able to really picture the home & umbrella sniper you thought of. Very entertaining.

[Ashwin Shanker]

Thank you for the review Lauren. I have edited the story, hope it is presented much better now.
read moreThank you for the review Lauren. I have edited the story, hope it is presented much better now.

[Kathrin S]

I really liked the idea of this - the concept and structure are very good. Here are some things I liked:

- Pacing: it was interesting throughout.
- The amount of different themes/motifs you added. You put in a few cultural references (like the word for mother), you touched on salesmanship or learning tricks to gain things, and of course the fact that it's about sweets doesn't hurt, either.
- The main character: You told us quite a bit about him in your short poem. He's mischievous, but you can sympathize with him because everybody would want sweets!!
- The dialog with the mother is well done.
- The rifle-umbrella was a nice touch.

What I had some trouble with are some of your expressions and the wording. I can usually figure out what is meant, so if you're not planning on publishing this, it's probably fine. But the expressions don't always seem appropriate. Some examples from the beginning of the poem:
- "spot any" - this doesn't seem right use of language, you could say something like "search for" because 'spot' means that you can actually see it, and here he can't see any dust.
- By 'sixth standard', do you mean sixth grade? If that's what it's called in your country, maybe you should clarify or explain.
- "My mom would be so happy ..." should be "My mom was so happy ..." because it's not just hypothetical, it's actually happened.