Sweet Angel

Behind the tragic death of a super model was a few confessions from the ones she loved.

December 15th

The cemetery welcomes another. Relatives and friends clad in black cursed with the memories of this departed soul.

‘She is too young to die' thought some.

‘Her beauty was her curse' thought another.

Rini Maria, 24 years of age, has died of heroin overdose. The medical report required further investigation, her family denied it. Their daughter would never come back to life, they didn't want to cut open her lifeless body.

Rini lay in a white gown; her eyes closed and lips sewn together. Father Joseph was praying as her relatives and friends assembled beside her coffin.

Rini's mother Marlene's not crying. She shed no tears to blur her vision as the last moments of her daughter passed. Marlene was deaf to the father's prayers, her eyes blind to everyone around. 

Her memories drifted, to a summer eight years ago.

March 8th

Rini was late from school that day.

Marlene was at the door, waiting for her.

Rini set the bag on the table and quickly rushed to the bathroom.

Marlene opened her schoolbag. Void of any books, it contained a neatly folded, dazzling red gown.

Rini came out of the bathroom, and it began.

"Not a single notebook, are you going to a public school or a fashion institute?" Marlene's eyes narrowed.

Rini's eyes turned red. "Checked my bag again, didn't you. You know something woman, the moment I get out of the house in the morning, I change into that skirt and roam around the city with my boyfriend!"

Marlene's mouth dropped open, "What did you just say?"

Rini gave a smile and a wink, "Just joking mom; I had to practice for the fashion show. Just a few days left for the school fest (ball) remember?"

Marlene's blood pressure shot up"What! Fashion show? Again?"

"Mother, that's what I want, to be a model and then maybe an actress too."

"Actress! Did you know that you would probably have to sleep with a producer to get such a chance without any background in the industry? It's not a profession fit for a grounded family like ours." She crossed her arms. End of story.

"I have the talent to make it to the top, and I know my limits when I deal with men. I promise that I won't cross it." Rini went forward and hugged her mother. Marlene's frown gently turned to a smile.

"Do promise me that you will earn some bread in between and feed this old woman of yours." 

"Goes without saying mother, I love you" with a kiss on the cheek.

"I love you too, my sweet angel," Marlene's lips mumbled as her heart crumbled with each passing moment. Rini had a gentle smile. 

‘Was she happy when she died,' 

‘Did she use drugs to attain happiness, was her life void of any joy without it?'  

Rini's relatives drew a cross on their chest and soon departed. The coffin was under the earth. A picture of her daughter placed in front of the cross, honeydew eyes, sharp nose and thick lips; that was Rini.

 

Two Days later.

Rini's younger brother Thomas's breath was shallow as he drew closer to his sister's grave. Rini Maria now belongs to this patch of earth for all eternity.

He knelt before her stone, stared at her picture for a few seconds as tears brimmed in his eyes. "You've got the media attention you know, they are doing a huge story on how the fashion industry is dependent on drugs to cope with the pressure. I hope you are enjoying this attention from wherever you are right now, for whatever the worth of that heroin shot, I hope it would make up for the tears shed in your name." 

His voice started to quiver, "You never bothered about what the family or the community expected from you, you had your way, whether it was approved or not. I don't know if I should call that an independent pursuit of destiny or just plain selfishness." 

He cried.

"May your soul rest in peace, amen," he drew a cross on his chest and got up.

One week later

Jacqueline, or Jay, was Rini's best friend. She had once given Rini a pendant with a butterfly-shaped figure attached. She felt that the beautiful creature aptly symbolized Rini's nature.  Rini would flutter from one person to another spreading her energy between them. She was the perfect party host as well as the best show-stopper. The crowd would stay glued to her at a fashion show. 

"I still remember what James said after he met you. Her face is so perfect, and her lips are so alluring that a man would want to kiss her first and then say hello.'  If only you wouldn't have started to smoke, your face would've still held that glow", said Jay. 

"Every time I see your empty bed, I feel that you might be staying over somewhere else, I forget for a moment that you have left us behind." Tears started to ooze through her make-up. "I can feel you around me when I look at myself in the washroom mirror. I feel that you are beside me striking poses and smiles. 

When I walk through the mall, I feel that you are walking beside me, with guys staring at you with their jaws on the floor." Jay couldn't help but smile in between as those beautiful days with her deceased friend crossed her mind. 

"Am I the one who led you to your death? Wasn't I the one who gave you shots of vodka, and then cigarettes? Am I the one who made you take those baby steps towards this ultimate plunge?" 

She burst out in tears "Heroin! What were you thinking Rini?!" She cried, guilt engulfed her.

Jay heard footsteps behind her, a palm nestled on her left shoulder, and she tilted her head to the towering figure of Simon who smiled at her. He helped her to her feet and took his handkerchief out to mop her tears. 

"I'm sorry Simon; I just couldn't help but let out what was burning inside me for two weeks," she said as she dabbed her tears away.  

Simon was an artist and a mutual friend. He had a tall and well-sculpted body with long hair tied back into a ponytail; Rini used to adore him; once told Jay, "Women would just melt in that man's arms."

Simon broke the silence, "How I wish I could weep like you and be relieved of the pain. Here lies a woman who has given us lots of love and left, taking everything." Jay placed a rose on the gravestone and left the cemetery bidding Simon and Rini goodbye. As soon as Jay left the vicinity, Simon picked up the rose from the gravestone as he felt that Rini prompted him to do it. He remembered an incident where she had once told him how much she hated roses. She said that they have a beautiful face but grow thorns, like cute girls who b***h from behind. 

Simon knelt down to his knees and said his prayers to the Lord to give her peace. He closed his eyes but was haunted by her memories.

 Memories of the last day he saw her alive.

 

It happened at Simon's personal studio; Rini was dressing down in the changing room after a photo shoot. Simon switched off the key lights and opened his laptop to edit the pictures. Rini came out and took a chair beside Simon. 

"You don't know how to use the ISO correctly, the lighting is not right in this picture; what a lousy photographer you are" she complained pointing to a picture in the center of the screen. 

"What did I tell you about diplomacy?" Simon asked. 

"I say what I feel; I hide only my perversions and delusions from the public. Everything else that runs beneath these curls is for the crowd to feast", she said making an expansive gesture with her hands.

"Aren't you scared of being judged?" asked Simon. He received a variety of answers to this question, even from those girls who say that they don't give a damn.

He works with some of the most beautiful women in the metro and finds one thing common to them all;  it was a feeling of insecurity. They are being paid excessive amounts of money for their looks. Still, they never fail to find faults with their face or body. They fear judgment in their professional as well as personal life.

"Judgment is for people who have built walls inside their head. Why should I let myself be a part of the circus of others' minds?" Rini ran her hand through her silky hair. 

"Freedom; is that what drives you?"

  "Nature never built walls or drew territories, we humans did. I wish I could be a muse for a work of freedom." Rini said as her eyes sparkled at the thought.

"If I were to sculpt that statue, would you like to be a part of it?" Simon's question threw Rini off-guard.

"Do you have a model?"

"Wait a second," Simon jogged off to another room, he returned with one of his works. It was a picture of a bald, naked woman meditating with her eyes closed. Her expression brought one word to Rini's mind ‘Bliss.'

Simon expected laughter followed by a formal denial of being this dream sculpture, but Rini stared at the work of art with a sense of belonging. She would look at herself this way in the mirror. Simon came closer to Rini and explained his work. "The woman is completely free from human judgment; her naked body symbolizes freedom from all worldly possession, her bald head symbolizes freedom from ego. The smile with closed eyes stands for peace as a result of meditation. I wish to turn this drawing into a sculpture and would like the help of a human model for dimensions. 

"I will do it," Rini said, her eyes still fixed in the lady's smile.

"You will have to shave your head."

"My ego will grow back with my hair, it won't be a problem," She said as she slowly made her way towards the exit. 

Simon opened his eyes in the cemetery to find them blurred with tears. He'd heard the news of her death the very next day. What prompted this woman to try out such a lethal dose of heroin? Was this a perversion which she hid from him? 

He prayed for her soul once more before departing from the grave. He took another look at her picture before returning. He would feel her void for the rest of his life.

Two months later

It was a rainy night; a motorbike stopped outside the cemetery gate. The headlights switch off and a man clad in a raincoat enters. He glances around the vicinity and makes sure that the place was isolated.

He walked to Rini's tombstone and placed a red rose on the cross. Rini's picture blurred with water droplets; he wiped the frame, revealing the smiling face of Rini. He lived adjacent to Rini's apartment.

"I am sorry, sorry for everything I've done to you." 

He closed his eyes and flashes of horror drifted through his mind. 

Her welcoming smile as she let him inside her apartment on that fateful day. The look of surprise and fear in her eyes as he grabbed her and injected the drugs into her. The silence in the apartment which stood witness to the beast he let loose inside him on that night.

"I drugged you so that you wouldn't resist; I never meant to kill you. You were good to me, smiling at me each time you passed my apartment; even joined me for the morning jog. I drugged you because I was umm... I would worship it through the cameras that I hid in your bathroom. 

I grew unaware of my urges growing stronger with each passing day. Now I have made your beautiful body lifeless with my bare hands!" He wept bitterly in the rain. Nobody would ever find out who he was. The man in the raincoat was yet another beast who would prowl freely in this jungle, maybe searching for prey in between.

 ---------------------------

The next morning:

It was a Sunday; two months have passed since Rini's death. Her mother returned to the graveyard after having a conversation with the father of the church. 

Now was the time to converse with the daughter's departed soul.

"Not every couple in love would have a child, those who do; will be expected to take good care of it by the Lord, it's the biggest responsibility a person could ever have. The children not given enough care in childhood later grow up to be allies of the devil. The Lord shall then question the parents who didn't fulfill the responsibilities he bestowed upon then," she said.

"I should've been a better mother to you, listened to you and your dreams without trying to obstruct them with my conservative opinions. If only I were a good mother, you wouldn't have had to resort to drugs to find peace of mind from life's pressures. 

I am sorry, I am, my sweet angel."

The End

Author's Note

Grammar nazis would like this edited version much better now. Thanks to Grammarly.
But still dear to me as this was one of my most appreciated works.
Let me know your thoughts as well. Else just drop in a 'Hi'. And we can have a sweet conversation :P

Reviews

[Sami Khalil]

Very sad and well presented. Reminds me of the death of Marilyn Monroe but with a different situation and the shock of it all. I like the questioning of life and faith in this as trying to make sense of the tragedy. An excellent one...:)...................

[Ashwin Shanker]

Thanks a lot Sami, Well appreciated

[Sami Khalil]

You are welcome. ...:))))

[andrew mitchell]

You have covered many a loss of models or people who died from an overdose. Nice sad write

[Ashwin Shanker]

Thank you the review Andrew :)

[Kathrin S]

Hi Ashan

Here, as promised, my technical review of the story. I really enjoyed reading the different reactions to her death, and especially liked the twist towards the end.

General comments:
- The grammar is quite good, I think there aren't many problems left. There are mainly two things I'd pay attention to:

- Be consistent with your tenses. The very first sentence is in the present, but then you switch to the past. Choose a tense and stick to it.

- Pay attention with speech marks, they're not always correct. e.g.: "She is too young to die(,)' thought some."


Technical notes:

- "The medical ..." This sentence is very long. Maybe put a full stop after 'denied it'.

- "Marlene's" -> "Marlene was" tense.

- "of her daughter pass(ed)."

- "Marlene opened her schoolbag" - the next part isn't a complete sentence. Put a full stop after this, then write something like: "Void of any books, it contained a neatly folded, dazzling red gown."

- "turned red(.)"

- "school fest" - change 'fest', it isn't usually used in this way. Maybe 'school ball'?

- "family like ours". -> ." Speech marks.

- "cross it(.)"

- At this point, make sure we know we're back in the present day. I was a bit confused at first.

- "her heart kept crumbled" - cut 'kept'

- "for whatever is worth for that ..." This sentence didn't make sense to me, maybe re-write

- "Jacqueline ..." This part could be re-written, e.g.: "Jacqueline, or Jay, was Rini's best friend. She had once given Rini a pendant with a butterfly-shaped figure attached. She felt that the beautiful creature aptly symbolized Rini's nature."

- "met you(. H)er"

- "say a hello" -> "say hello"

- "of Simon, who smiled (at) her"

- "and left(,) taking (everything)."

- "It was Simon's" -> 'had been' Here, you're going further into the past, so change the tense.

- "would be for the crowd to feast" -> 'is for the crowd to feast'

- "common in them all together" -> "common to them all"

- "He('d) heard of the news of her death"

- "Rini's Picture" -> 'picture' no capital letter here

- "each time you pass(ed)"

- "The next day morning" cut 'day'

"have a child, those who are" - not 'are', but 'do'

- "upon then(,)" (s)he said."

Hope this is helpful! I think the story is already good and using grammarly has helped I'm sure.

[Ashwin Shanker]

Thanks for the excellent review, where you picked each tiny grammatical detail and helped me improve the presentation of this story, bringing it closer to perfection than before.
Really appreciate this.
I am happy that you loved the crux of the story as well.

[MightyMouse]

This is the kind of work that really hits people. I can only imagine how many times this actually happens. It also highlights the tendencies of humans to think that everything bad is their fault. It's really well done.

[Ashwin Shanker]

I am glad that you were able to read the thought I wanted to convey to the people through this short story. I am glad that you were able to relate with the story and its characters.

[Surabhi Kaushik]

Nice writing, with some profound thoughts. I like the way you try to blend reality with fiction. I loved the line "with her lips sewn together" talks not only of her death, but also of the life she lived

[Ashwin Shanker]

Thank you very much Surabhi.

[Mikayla Tyler]

This is so beautiful. You showed all the different perspectives of grief when someone dies so young and senselessly. I recently lost a friend to a drug overdose. She was 19 and wanted to model. This really resonated with me as I read each friend's story. The twist at the end was unexpected and thought provoking. Well done.

[Ashwin Shanker]

Very sorry to hear about your friend, May she R.I.P.
Happy to know that you have enjoyed reading this story, and has resonated with you.

[Thomas]

Hey Ashan, I'm going to review this piece because it's one of your longer stories and I feel like the dialogue of the characters is interesting enough to note. I'll start with that then. Though your entire story follows the free-form prose of a usual story, I think you dialogue at times follows a rhyme and is more proper than modern English.

"I still remember what James said after he met you, ‘her face is so perfect and her lips are so alluring that a man would want to kiss her first and then say a hello'.
If only you wouldn't have started to smoke, your face would've still held that glow"

"Am I the one who led you to your death? Wasn't I the one who gave you shots of vodka, and then cigarettes?

These two lines can best show that. You have rhyme and assonance like you would see in poetry. I think this works well in the story because I picture reading it as a play rather than traditional fiction and storytelling. You have varying scenes not set around a main character and the characters tend to go on their soliloquies. Characters speak in various metaphors and they often keep their words symbolic and meaningful. Normally, I think the story would have come off as awkward if you attempted to express the ideas you put forward without the dramatic styling of the story, but because there is somewhat of a mimicry to a play it works. So I applaud you for pulling that off because I think it was intentional.

Another thing I want to mention is the building of Rini as a character. I think the best thing you did to build her character was through the past memories of the friends and family. The reader can only assume so much from the words at a funeral or gravestone because they are secondhand. They may say Rini was a great person and they are mournful, but the reader never truly understands the character. Instead, you offer the past memories of Rini and her dialogue with both her mother and Simon. The reader gets to learn the free-thinking side of Rini and her playful, yet kind attitude. She isn't dull and I like that.

Finally, your surprising twist at the end really added to the tragedy. Again, you follow the path of plays by having your dramatic irony. I think it works well. It adds a further feeling of sorrow to the suffering of the friends and family because they blame themselves for the problem.

I enjoyed reading this piece and I'm not sure what I an offer to make it better. This style of writing isn't something I'm used to seeing, but I think it does well. There are grammar issues here and there, most of it is syntax with commas rather than the use of incorrect words or misspelling. Good work, I can tell you put effort into this and expressed your own ideas.

[Ashwin Shanker]

Hey Thomas,
First of all, Whoa. I was thrilled to see such a long and elaborate review. You taking your precious time to write this in itself tells me that you have indeed enjoyed the story. After reading your review, I am even happier to note that you have figured out certain key elements which I intended to stand out. You have certainly dug out the Easter eggs in this story. Yes, I did mention previously in a comment that poetic writing is kind of my style. I would like to build on that if it makes meaningful and engaging dialogue.
Let me give you a slight back story, Rini was born while I was watching this music video
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JyvQeV8zKWA
Check it out - Its classic Indian bollywood at its 90's best.
This music video is about a fashion model. And I hated this video so much that I wanted to kill the girl in it :P ... So, then I thought, why not make it constructive and make a short story out of it. The result was three years of writing and re-writing, to perfect what you have just read. It still isn't judging by the grammatical errors which you have spotted. However, I am happy that you haven't seen many strewn over.
I thoroughly enjoyed reading your thoughts and would love to see this kind of support as I work hard to improve my craft. Do have a look at my poem, 'Silence of the gods' as well. I think you might like it. I would further welcome more constructive criticism and support from you in future.
Regards

[T. Edana Talbott]

I really do enjoy sorrowful pieces, melancholy works. This, for me, was another sad treasure. I see no reason to pick at little things - for me there really isn't anything to pick at, it's wonderfully written with great dialogue.

[Marianne Rose]

I can see why this is such a dear piece to you - it is very moving witnessing the different people in her life reacting emotionally to her death, and their relationship with her, as well as the assumptions and judgements they make that the heroin OD was self- inflicted. When she spoke in the flashbacks, there was no hint of why she would do this- which added to the mystery - if she didn't who did? I like the resolution to this in the introduction of the predator that killed her, and his warped thinking and strange type of remorse. The ending is touching with the mother I burdening herself of the sense of guilt and regret. Very sweet and interesting story, especially told from so many points of view. Thank you.

[Ashwin Shanker]

Thank you very much for your review Marianne.
I hope that you loved the flow of the story and the presentation?

[Marianne Rose]

I did like the headings that marked the time from her death- that added to the coherence and also showed a sense of the movement of grief. Your other review talked quite a bit about presentation, paragraphs and so on. I'm accustomed to seeing more space between paragraphs and dialogue lines, but I'm not a "grammar nazi" on this site- I figure if you publish something, you'll have an editor who works on formatting. I instead pay attention to how I'm feeling as I read something, whether I invest my heart in the characters, whether they come to life for me. She did come to life for me, and that's what I care about. If you develop this more, you might explore giving the other characters more three dimensional depth- but as it is, it is her story, so she is the one that becomes a real person as we see her through others' eyes and hear a bit of her voice. I'm really not here to edit, but to give feedback on how the story affects me . . . It moved me to know her and I grief that she came to such a tragic end.

[Daniel-Andre]

Yet, another creation. Let`s get down to business, shall we?

Firstly, I`ll fry you in the frying pan with my complaints before we continue to the good stuff. So let`s get to it. Which you`re already aware of is the grammatical errors you`ve got in this text. It`s good you`re already aware of them but they need to be mentioned as they`re present despite your knowledge of them. Second is the paragraphs once again. Honestly, I think the paragraphs in this piece are much better than the ones in that creation I read the other day. The only complaint is that I personally think there`s too many sentences in the paragraphs. The last complaint I have is the ending, you don`t have to point out that your story is finished. We can see that ourselves on our own. Remember, your job as the writer is to give your readers an immersive story, you are supposed to paint the pictures we see and the emotions we feel. The readers know this and not everyone, but many will feel like you believe the audience is stupid when you highlight the ending like that.

Anyways, enough ranting. Let`s talk about the good stuff. What I did like was the dialogue once again, I think it`s great. In addition, like I said, I think the paragraphs looks much better here than they did in that last text of yours. Here, they actually look visually appealing. In addition, you`re really good at painting the picture, in other words, describing things. Short and precise and leaves the rest to the reader`s imagination. Just how I like it :p As it comes to the plot, I think the plot was interesting and appealing. Lastly, you showed and didn`t tell throughout the entire journey from the hook sentence and all the way down to the very last one. Nice job.

As a final conclusion, I think this was a good read. Continue to write like this, and I`ll gladly continue to review your work. Good job, indeed. Be proud!

[Ashwin Shanker]

We will need to message each other about paragraphs. I worked a bit more on it while presenting it here because you highlighted the same last time. I took extra care this time around.
Showing vs telling: Thank you for pointing that out, but I guess I might need some time (a couple months maybe) to work around that.
Description/ Dialogue: I work hard on these two areas. I feel stories should speak more and describe less. I hate it when writers describe like, She was 6 feet tall, blue eyes, wheatish skin... this that..
I feel that a picture of that character can be a subjective one for each person and should be left to the readers imagination. Which is why I loved the point you noted later. (Leaving things to the readers imagination).. people may differ with me on this point but yeah, I believe so.

Thanks again for a wonderful review. Great acknowledgement. Waiting for the others to respond as well.

[Daniel-Andre]

Glad you found it helpful. And true, I don`t like it when there`s too much description either. For instance, I like historical fiction, fantasy, and a little sci-fi. That sci-fi bit, there`s a novel series called Republic Commandos by an author named Karen Travis. Which is about a group of Elite Commando Clone Troopers during the Clone Wars in the Star Wars universe. I liked the movies and the video game called "Star Wars Republic Commando" which is based around the same squad of Clone Troopers. But... there was too much description in those novels, man. I couldn`t bring myself to finish them :/ Which sucks, cuz I like Star Wars as a whole. Well, I`m not a fanboy like I was back in the day when I was just six but still, it sucks I couldn`t finish those novels :(