Behind Each Door

Behind Each Door

A Story by Ashwin Shanker
"

Every door hides a story

"

Prologue: Different rooms in the three-star hotel ‘Emerald’ have different stories to tell about each night and each guest. Let us have a look at what happened in the hotel on the night of October 6th, 2014.

 

Room Number No: 001

 

The three-year-old girl in the picture, with her dad throwing her up towards the sky, the girl was laughing and her eyes fixed on her father. She knew he would never let her fall. Her mother shot with a 8mm camera; it was then scanned to a floppy disk, and then copied to a DVD, now it is in her father’s android tablet.


He was 32 years old when this picture was taken, now he is 71, lying in the bed, looking into the IPS screen and gathering whatever he could recall of that day.


The girl in the picture was supposed to meet him with her son for their New Year festival. She had not met him even once after her mother’s funeral two years ago.


The phone on the coffee table began to vibrate, it was her.

“Hello Beta (child), where are you now?” The old man said.


“Daddy, I am still caught up at work, I’m sorry, but I guess I’ll have to cancel tomorrow’s flight. The new marketing manager is dropping in for a visit; my pretty face would be expected at the front gate to greet him. You know, with being the new tech head and all.” She seemed to be walking somewhere in a hurry.


“Kamla, but you promised me, baby”


“I know, dear, but what to do, weren’t you the one who always would tell me that work should come first.”


“Yes, dear, work should always come first.” The pension he got for 45 years of service allowed him to afford a room in this five star hotel. But the social isolation, which came from spending too much time in office, has led to no visitors.


“I will be there next season for sure alright, please ask varadhamma to prepare my favorite fish curry when I come alright?”


“Varadhamma died last week Kamla.”


“What! Oh my god…”


Silence followed for a moment.

“Kamla, a lot of things have changed here, please drop by to find out what all they are.”


“Alright dad, I got to go now, call you later ok?”


“Ok Kamla, it’s time for me to go to sleep as well, good night.”


The old man was once very proud that his daughter was abroad, working for a multi-national software company. He even supported her when she expressed the desire to marry an American.


A few years later, he was by her side when the man left her and their son for another woman. He trained her in meditation and helped her focus her attention towards her career and the welfare of her son.

 

The old man would usually take half a pill to fall asleep, today he mixed ten of them in his milk. He stirred them well and drank it in one gulp, much like how he would gulp down MILO as a twelve-year-old.


He lay on his back and flipped through the images on the screen once more, he saw his wife and daughter through the best times of his life, the times he wants to take with him as he prepares to say goodbye to everything else.

………………………………………….

Room No: 420.

 

The fan in the room creaked louder each time Jerry tried to turn down the knob of the regulator.


“I swear to god, I am going to shoot that thing!” Santosh said.


“George would find our room a lot easier then, but he would be followed by the hotel staff and the police.” Jerry moves to the small coffee table and picks up the newspaper.


“Why isn’t he responding, it’s almost midnight,” Santosh checked his wristwatch, placed it near his ear to check for the ticking sound. He leaned forward to hold a large briefcase next to the coffee table.

“He is a man of his word, must be stuck somewhere.”


“Where can he possibly get stuck at this hour?”


“He is on his way Santosh, now calm down.”


“Man, it shouldn’t be like last time, you remember how narrow that was?” Santosh placed the briefcase on the table.


“That rat son-of-a-b***h actually did put bags of salt on top; I thought he was joking,” Jerry said, “Hey, why are you opening the suitcase?”


“To see how much stock we have hanging on our bellies,” He opened and his eyes grew wide, Jerry leaned forward to look, four large transparent bags, and within it, several clusters of smaller pouches, each filled with crystalline silver powder.


“I thought its color is white,” Santosh said.


“They skip the last phase of processing until it reaches the delivery unit so that crackheads like you don’t snort it off along the way.”


“That’s bullshit, I never heard of any such thing, I need a whiff right now and I am going to try this s**t.” Santosh was shivering as he held the briefcase in both hands.

“One whiff of this silver will blow your lights out the next second you fool, and why the heck are you acting so weird? I thought you were off it now, which was why I called you for this in the first place.” Jerry said, as he got up, his hand went into his holster and unbuckled it. Santosh’s eyes were fixed on the briefcase as it was like a treasure.


“Yeah, yeah, I am off it, but no man can resist a sight like this brother, so much… I can see heaven before my eyes brother… heaven…”


“Santosh, close the briefcase right now...”


Santosh turned around to see a colt 45 pointed right at him, he broke into a cheeky smile. “I was just joking brother, just joking… See my hand…” He held out his fist at Jerry, It was firm.


Jerry lowered his gun and calmed down. “Business is business Santosh, friendship can only take you so far, and I care for you alright… Now, let me just take a leak, keep the bag behind the television box now.”


“Alright, alright sir. I can’t beat you playing the honorable one with the gun” Santosh zipped the bag, keeping a small pouch of the silver into his pocket.

………………………………………….

Room No: 377


Sunil poured tea into two cups on the coffee table, clad in a shower towel. Mahesh was reading the newspaper from the bed; he was nude except for the blanket tucked around his waist.


“What did you order for dinner?” Mahesh said, flipping through the pages of the menu.


“Steak for you, Pasta for me,”


“You ordered soup?” Mahesh said, looking up.


Sunil smiled.


“Oh, you did… which one?”


“One of your favorites, of course,”


“Is it Sweet corn?”

Sunil nodded, handing Mahesh a cup of tea.


“Oh my god, I love you,” Mahesh leaned in for a kiss while receiving the cup from his beloved.


“Don’t be so excited, I am going to taste it before I let you have it this time.”


“Oh come on sweetheart, I am sure this place has good cooks, let us leave that little diarrhea episode behind us. At what time are we supposed to arrive at the embassy tomorrow?”


“11:00 a.m. I have called my friend Karan there, he said Mr. John, who will be interviewing us is a very reasonable man. It will not be much of a hassle when we present our case. He also feels that John might even help us, but we need to present both our offer letters and everything.” Sunil said he looked down intently and had a slow sip of tea, “I can’t believe this, everything is happening so fast.”


“You think we are rushing into this?” Mahesh came closer and ran his fingers through Sunil’s hair.


“No, it's not that at all, please… Just that, I wonder why it is so hard to live the way we aspire to in this country.” Sunil said, staring at the bed lamp.


“Hmm… Yeah…” Mahesh said.

“I mean, why should we run away to another country to get married?” Sunil said.


“Let’s save this discussion for the next generation shall we Sweety,” Mahesh said, “For this one, this is the only option that we have.”


“I wish I could see him one last time before we leave.” Sunil said, his head lowered.


“Who?”


“You know him, my brother Santosh. He was the only one who spoke on my behalf when I revealed my sexual identity before my dad.”


“Even he got into trouble later on didn’t he? Isn’t he the one who was pulled up for rehab?” Mahesh said.


“Yes, he is a very gullible person, easily influenced. I am sure that it was his friends, getting him into trouble.”


The room bell rang. “Room service,”


“One second,” Sunil said, as he quickly put on a pajama lying on the floor. He proceeded to open the door.


The young boy, must be around thirteen, entered the room, dragging a tray with two platters. He looked very flustered & jittery as he was serving the food to each plate.

“What happened boy?” Sunil said, glancing at Mahesh for a second.


“Nothing, sir,”


“Look at me,” the boy looked up at Sunil, “What is wrong?” He asked slowly.


“Well, Sirji, there has been a death in room number 420, a young brother there consumed something and died. The police and all came you know, the top floor is congested now. I saw the man as they took him away on a stretcher, blood coming from his nose and eyes, it was scary… There was another man with him at the time it seems, they are all searching for him now. I have just started work last week and this is so...” He bent down and wiped his eyes.  

“Oh my god, don’t you be scared young man…” Mahesh came forward to comfort the kid, but the boy moved away, slightly repulsed.


“Hmm… Don’t worry, everything will be alright, I have been here many times before, suicides are becoming very common in star hotels these days. Have a seat; I will make you some tea to calm you down.”


The young man jumped up, “That’s alright sir, I have a few more deliveries to make. Thank you, bye.” He rushed towards the door.

Sunil leaned forward to shut it. He turned to Mahesh, “You creep people out sometimes, and you know that?”

“I am sorry baby.”

………………………………………………..


Room No: 969.


Kamla was slowly opening her bags and arranging the clothes on the bed beside her. The room door bell rings. She proceeds to open it.


“Oh my god Kamla, you look so different!” Laina shrieked.


Kamla grinned widely, “You have gorgified yourself too a lot!”


“Is it some new American word or something? I don’t remember reading of ‘Gorgified’ anywhere in the dictionary.”


“Haha, but hey, let me show you something that is truly… American.” Kamla slowly took out a bottle of Jim Beam, “Tadaaa”


“Wow girl, Whiskey!  It’s a woman’s best friend.” Laina said with her eyes wide.


“I thought it was diamonds,” Kamla said, slowly handing over the bottle to her childhood friend.


“Diamonds are expensive,” Laina said, receiving Jim Beam with both her hands. “Oh, by the way, when are you meeting your father, and what’s up with this surprise thing?”


“Oh, that, well, I just thought of connecting with a few of his old friends through Facebook, arranged a meet-up at the Hyatt this weekend, a super grand reunion of sorts you can say.” Kamla took out two glasses from the table and handed one to Laina. “He needs to get around, you know, I keep hearing that he hardly leaves home these days,” Kamla said.


“Well, that’s sort of true you know, I remember how uncle was always so busy with his job and everything, but now he is free, but he still is at home all the time,” Laina said, she opened the bottle and started pouring the drink for both of them.


“He kept very little time aside to build relationships with other circles, then what makes you think he is going to change now?” Kamla dropped two cubes of ice for each of them.

“Let’s hope that your surprise helps him then. To Uncle and his social life,” Laina raised her glass.


“To my dad and his good health,” Kamla raised hers. “Oh, I forgot, I should call dad and tell him that I won’t be able to make it tomorrow.” She picked up her phone and started to dial.

The End.


© 2017 Ashwin Shanker


Author's Note

Ashwin Shanker
Please do let me know your thoughts. Honest ones. Behind each review is a hidden 'Thank you' :P

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Featured Review

Hello Ashwin Shanker,

I really liked the concept behind your stories: behind every door there is a unique story. Each story has its own special quality, which I like. There appeared to be a few sentences that were worded a bit awkwardly, which happens all the time. We edit a sentence and forget to remove a word. Not a bit deal.

If I could offer one piece of advice, it would be to utilize your paragraphs better. Add a line of space between paragraphs and allow the reader to pause and let your story wash over them, paragraph by paragraph. Otherwise, it was a good solid story, with vibrant dialogue which gave each story its own life. Great job!

Thank you for sharing!

Kind regards,

Schatzi

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Ashwin Shanker

8 Years Ago

I have split the paragraphs to make them easy for the eye. Have a look if it's fine now.
Tha.. read more



Reviews

What an intriguing idea! I really like the piece, it's a great concept. Love how you tie the different stories together, especially the first and the last ones.

General comments:
- Try to separate sentences a bit. Often you don't put question marks at the end of questions, and sometimes you combine sentences unnecessarily.

- Keep the tense consistent. You skip from past to present and back - decide on a tense and keep it throughout the piece.

- Look up the rules for speech marks - sometimes they're not entirely correct.

Grammar:

- "Different rooms in the three-star hotel 'Emerald' has" -> 'have'

- Do you need a prolog? I think readers can figure this out themselves, you don't have to state it. You could put the prolog as the pitch - to me, that would make more sense.

Room 001

- "The four-year-old girl ..." Sentence isn't correct. Change; e.g.: "The four-year-old girl in the picture was thrown towards the sky by her dad. She was laughing, her eyes fixed on her father."

- Order of phrases is wrong in the next bit. Change to something like: "shot the picture with an 8 mm camera"

- "The three-year-old ..." Wasn't she 4 years old a minute ago?

- "; post her mother's" -> "; after her mother's"

- "Hello (B)eta"

- "in front (of the) gate"

- Put a ? at: "but what to do?"

- "A few years later ..." A lot of repetition of 'her' in these 2 sentences. Re-read and consider changing this.

Room 420

- ", and with in it," - 'them' because it's more than one

- "Jerry said(. A)s he got up,"

- "Stephen, (c)lose"

- "Now, (l)et me ... (k)eep"

- "nursing" - word choice seems off. Instead, put something like 'slipping'

Room 377

- "tucked until" -> "tucked around"

- "good cooks(.) Let us ... behind us(.) At"

- "I wonder why is it" -> "I wonder why it is"

- "as he quickly wore" -> "as he quickly put on" Also, change 'a pajama' to 'pajamas'

- "deliveries to make(. T)hank you"

Room 969

- "or something(?) I don't"

- "baby in the bottle" This was the only bit I didn't understand - I was confused by this.

- "that I wouldn't be able" -> "that I won't be able"

That's all! Hope this helps. Let me know if you're confused by anything I wrote.

Posted 8 Years Ago


its funny everyone has a different story but how they interconnect with others is very interesting.just like one door opens another closes concept. good story.

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Nice concept..behind the door. The flow of the story shifting from one room to another gave me the feel of a short film. Good job. I would like to see more description of the characters, perhaps what they looked like.

Posted 8 Years Ago


That's a very interesting story you have got there. I just loved reading it!

Posted 8 Years Ago


Good strategizer , attentive to detail, strong conversationalist. A snapshot of different lives , incidents, places. Stories with good values...:)))

Posted 8 Years Ago


Hello Ashwin Shanker,

I really liked the concept behind your stories: behind every door there is a unique story. Each story has its own special quality, which I like. There appeared to be a few sentences that were worded a bit awkwardly, which happens all the time. We edit a sentence and forget to remove a word. Not a bit deal.

If I could offer one piece of advice, it would be to utilize your paragraphs better. Add a line of space between paragraphs and allow the reader to pause and let your story wash over them, paragraph by paragraph. Otherwise, it was a good solid story, with vibrant dialogue which gave each story its own life. Great job!

Thank you for sharing!

Kind regards,

Schatzi

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Ashwin Shanker

8 Years Ago

I have split the paragraphs to make them easy for the eye. Have a look if it's fine now.
Tha.. read more
Oh my, this is wonderful. I love the stories and how they interlock. This really had me attached and emotional through it all. Great work!

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Ashwin Shanker

8 Years Ago

Thank you very much Brittanie.
All in all, I think this was a good read. Decent story, indeed.

Anyways, before we talk about the good stuff, let`s talk about the things that made me scratch my head. First of all, you had a few moments where you told instead of showed. An example is in room 420 at the very end. You wrote this, "lowered his gun and calmed down". This is telling, not showing. Stuff you should look into. Another issue I found were a couple of grammar mistakes. As we all know, that`s not the end of the world so it`s fine. Just my perfectional side shining through :p I also think you need to work on your paragraphing skills.

A`ight, let`s talk about the good stuff. You had very few grammar mistakes, and I personally thought that you mastered the art of writing dialogue. Very nice dialogue, indeed. However, what impressed me the most was how you tied the different stories of these rooms together. For example room 420 and room 377. Gotta be honest, I was a little mind-blown :) Other things I liked was that this piece as a whole was creative. In addition, the plot was solid and interesting. Which made me sorry to see that this story was so short. Especially after reading the room 420 part, because it made me wish for something more! Truth be told, room 420 made me see a potential for a whole novel :) Lastly, the overall text had a good flow which made it easy to read.

As a conclusion, I thought this was a great story. Keep writing, improve your writing and never stop! :D That`s the only way to become better, and I`d like to see more of your creations in the future. So don`t you dare to stop!

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Daniel-Andre

8 Years Ago

Nah, because an overhaul of a text is basically deleting the most of it and rewrite it. As far the g.. read more
Ashwin Shanker

8 Years Ago

Point noted. Will work on it for my future write ups
Daniel-Andre

8 Years Ago

Do that, man. And don`t ever stop! The only way to become a better author is by continuing to write .. read more
I must say, I really enjoyed your strategy in taking the beginning to the end and giving the story a sense of dread and suspense. I must say, I also like the route you took in revealing the sexuality of the two characters in Room 377, starting with the slight repulsion of the room service boy and then the revelation that Sunil was a 'he'.

You crafting of this is incredible not for anything else but for the dialogue. The dialogue gave life to each character more than a description of their faces would've (although you might want to give a little description in the future). All in all, this was a very good and entertaining read, if i may use the words of the other reviewer. I really enjoyed the fact that it did not come of dull or forced. Nice one Ashwin. Nice one.

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Ashwin Shanker

8 Years Ago

Thank you Mifa for your generous review. I enjoyed reading your work as well. Will share more as and.. read more
This was an entertaining read. Of the four rooms, the old man's trip down memory lane was the most vivid. That story has enough legs to be a short story on its own. Somehow the drama with the drug smugglers, was too much of a contrast to the soft emotion of the old man's story.....as if a little bit more character development was required before all the "mess" developed......

Great write. I'd like to see some poetry too. :)

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Ashwin Shanker

8 Years Ago

Thank you very much Sleepless Volcano. I appreciate you taking time to read my work. I wanted to hig.. read more
Ashwin Shanker

8 Years Ago

I write poetry too. Will share one soon :) .... Keep posted.

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Added on August 16, 2016
Last Updated on January 13, 2017
Tags: Drama, Fiction

Author

Ashwin Shanker
Ashwin Shanker

Calicut, Kerala, India



About
I am 25 years old, copywriter working at Mullen Lowe Lintas Group, Mumbai. I love writing and have been doing the same since six-years-old. I am a huge fan of communities of writers who support eac.. more..

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