A Long Drop And A Sudden Stop

lol cooked dis one up after repo

A Long Drop And A Sudden Stop

 

Watchen your weight,

Wishen you were still twenty eight.

Bitchen bout polotics,

Try’in not to be an alchoholic.

Old grudges,

Past loven.

Sometimes I wonder why it bothers us all.

Payin bills,

Poppin pills,

Sometimes I wonder why we  just don’t get with it!

Cause we all wind up in alittle pine box,

With a kinda long drop,

And a sudden stop!

Author's Note

the grave robber to me is the best character ever in a rock opera, i wish i was him lol, and i wish he would read this lol

Reviews

[Clockwork]

This reminds me of the line from the first Pirates of the Caribbean movie. I think the reason we can't just "get with it" is because we will wind up in that "pine box" very soon. So why go with the flow if it is not your own?

[Mike Espinosa]

I like the way you captured the narrator's speech patterns in the poem. They were consistent enough to be believable and genuine.

Have you considered separating the poem up into stanzas? I think putting this into four stanzas (4-3-3-3) could help make the messages you're telling the reader more distinct and clear. Especially with the first two ending with periods and the last two with exclamation marks. It shows a crescendo of message and emotion through the piece.

You did a great job on this poem. You captures your character well, and showed the various different things he's worried about or doesn't think we should worry about. Well done!

[Rose Tyler]

This is a great write.

[Anthony M Smith Jr]

HaHo,
Yes, to visualize death and wonder was it fun?
Life and Light!
TT-TTO-NI-K
Elk

[NinjaPi]

Speaking truth with a bit of demented very interesting. This poen is very relatable to everyone in all mature places in life. Very nice.

[Gomer LePoet]

thats a tough one ShaneBerry. But, what else we got to do. thanks for sharing

[Stammers]

The way you've written some of your words ( I don't know if they were mispelt or intended to be that way) does kind of work, it's got an under-class feeling, nice, quirky write, a little different from your usual which can be self-indulgent at times.

[Coyote Poetry]

I don't know. A grave robber could be a dangerous job. I like this poem. The many questions so many ask daily. Are we doing anything for any purpose? No wasted words. A strong poem with a very good ending. Thank you.
Coyote

[jose]

good write

[Angelauthor1204]

goo job