Fight Me

Lets Do This!

Fight Me

From across the Lot he glared at my friend,

on a good note i knew this night wouldn't end.

He walks up to her and spins her around,

alcohol on his breath.

I shout,

Waking the misery.

FIGHT ME!

Or leave now.

FIGHT ME!

I wont back down!

FIGHT ME!

For glory!

FIGHT ME!

For honor!

For a piece of my flesh!

STRIKE ME!

To Hurt me!

Lets see if i can bleed!

Back off!

Get away!

TAKE ME!

Lets see!

If your man enough to go toe to toe!

FIGHT ME!

TAKE ME!

Strike me to the cold ground!

or watch me spin you head around!

As i stare at him bleeding on the ground i smile as i feel my eye swelling up from the bruise. I wrap my arm around her and we leave.

Author's Note

a bar fight can be nasty, thank you billy for pissingme off and makein me think of this lol

Reviews

[Nina Kari]

i like it. :D maybe because im just naturally violent but i actually like this peice. no its not the best flow but i dont think it was meant to be a flowy write. it was brutal and yet funny beacause i could actually see this scene. great work here
Strike me to the cold ground!
or watch me spin you head around!


As i stare at him bleeding on the ground i smile as i feel my eye swelling up from the bruise. I wrap my arm around her and we leave.----- dude! loved that part! :D 1000!

[Mike Espinosa]

You paint the picture well in this poem. From your language choice, I can see the scenery and many other implied details.

You chose to use a couplet in your first two lines, which is a nice thought and it separates the lines form the rest of the scene well. However, I think it may interrupt the flow of the poem a bit. Since you don't use couplets throughout the rest of the poem, it might be beneficial to change the second line to "I knew this night wouldn't end on a good note" or even "...end well."

In the middle of the poem, you have a call-and-response motif going on and it captures the emotion and passion you want to convey well. There's just one place where it felt like there should be another "FIGHT ME!" to keep the device consistent. The place I'm thinking of is between "For honor!" and "For a piece of my flesh!"

Overall, I think you did a splendid job on this poem. The break away from verse for the last stanza, where you give us the resolution to the story, is wonderful. Well done!

[Rose Tyler]

Good job describing how a bar fight would go on, and how a guy would protect his girl from a drunk person.

[Dakota]

Good depiction of a bar fight, been witness to many of those being around Marines. Nice write!

[Gomer LePoet]

great venting, but a large waste of energy that is meant to do honorable things with our lives. The real man walks away unless cornered with no recourse.

[Young Mountain]

For a piece of my flesh!
STRIKE ME!
To Hurt me!
Lets see if i can bleed!

Really loved that piece of writing there.

Thanks for sharing.

[Coyote Poetry]

Most fights are not necessary. But sometime we have no option. Come to my family. I will fight of course. A very good poem with a very good ending. A outstanding poem.
Coyote

[Undying Glory]

great work, this was very good. and nice inspiration too btw. awesome

[heich]

nice..great..

[NoneOfYourBusiness akaK..]

vibrant vivid rage displayed with profound effect~ the formatting works well to relate the fight/flight struggle of the biter and bitten~ so to speak~ well done~

[Jonathan]

wooow lol nice