Episode One: The Two Brothers

i have decided to make it into episodes rather than chapters, to convey a much grander scale of interpretation.

Episode One: The Two Brothers

Terron looked up at his old teachers grave. for the past Ten years the man had taught him the ways of the blade. Terron could still see the mans patient face, with his groomed white mustache, and his crowning bald head, with the puffy white fluffs of hair sticking out of the sides like koala ears.

"I know his death was a surprise for you my son." Said Maximilien as he walked up behind Terron, who sat crouched at Gyebaeks' grave. Maximilien then turned to face the setting sun,

"You know... when we first met, back before you lost your memories... I stood on a hillside with you like this. you were grief stricken by the death of your parents." He said in a caring demeanor. The boys long hair held back in a band blew in the wind, it was as coal black as his eyes. His long black coat covered a white button up cotton shirt, which breathed like he wore nothing, and the shoes upon his feet were of the finest quality Rhino skin, he wore the attire of a modern day prince, for he lived in the great castle Robespierre, named after Maximilien's family tree. Which was also known as the home of the ruling Fuhrer of Minoa.

"Yes, you have told me this before...But this is different, I can actually feel the pain now." Replied Terron with sunken eyes, and a busied heart.

Maximilien walked over to Terron, his finest military uniform. A Royal blue uniform littered with neatly organized metals and awards, his sabre blade neatly tucked away in its cover, the golden hilt shined in the dim sunset light. His brushed back canary yellow hair Amplified the coloring of his Baby Blue eyes.

"Terron, I know you were attached to him, But he was a betrayer of our people.And as Fuhrer of Minoa it is my solemn duty to protect my people and my military." Replied Maximilien proudly.

"Even if it was from me?" asked Terron in a serious manner. As he asked, Maximilien let out a deep exhale of breath.

"Yes my son... Even if was you, or Judas for that matter. Speaking of Judas, have you seen him anywhere?" Asked Maximilien looking around for him.

Terron then stood up, he dusted the dirt off of his Jacket, and looked around, his eyes seemed smaller and narrower than that of his Step-father, and brother. But he could see better than they had ever wished.

"He's probably out in the forest being a child again." Answered Terron looking to a tree which shook violently in the distance, he knew his brother was there, climbing the branches like an ignorant youth.

"You know. It amazes me when i see how grown up you are compared to your brother, five year separation, yet you act like the twenty-one year old, and he the seventeen.MY LORD FUHRER!" Said First Lieutenant Obilic ending on a salute.

"As you were Milos." Ordered Maximilien calmly.

Terron trusted the first lieutenant with his own life, as did the Fuhrer. Milos Obilic was an expert in assassination and long ranged attacks with a crossbow he always carried with him. At his side was his Blade, a Damascus Blade, Damascus was rumored to be able to cut through lesser blades, and even pierce the armor of a tank.

"Milos, how have you been? how are things on the front lines?" Asked the Fuhrer smileing, as Terron slowly creeped away he heard the Lieutenant say,

"Quiet as always, but i have herd rumors of an Angkor Wat rebel group... I believe they know why we have started this war."

Terron walked away, he cared nothing for the war that was "ended" but in truth it raged on silently, the Fuhrer had special ops created called "Blayders" it was Judas's dream to become a Blayder and help his father dominate the world. But he was so unfocused, Maximilien wouldn't even allow him to take Blade classes, instead, Terron would teach him privately on there weekends when they had nothing to do.

"BOO!" Shouted Judas jumping out of a tree at Terron, but instead of a jumping scared little brother like he had expected, he got a stone hard fist in his face. 

"You will never learn will you brother?" Asked Terron snickering. His older brother rose to his feet, his short spiky hair was dark brown like his deceased mothers, but his skin was just as pale white as his fathers. He wore a sleeveless leather jacket with a fluffy white collar, the fur of the collar was that of a rare white lions, his brothers loose leather pants and solid black cowskin boots completed what Terron saw as a ridicules outfit.

"Whats the fun in learning if father will never let me take it out to the field?" Answered Judas in a question.

Terron ignored the question and kept walking. He thought of his upcoming "Blade Day" the day were he would mold and hammer his own sword.

"So are you excited about your big day little Bro?" asked Judas smirking.

Terron again ignored the question and looked at Judas's hands, he wore Metal claw gauntlets  which were like gloves, but made of metal and one covered his entire arm, the other was just his hand, on the tips of each were sharp thick claws.

"Why did you make The Gauntlets? Instead of a blade? Or a bow?" Asked Terron. Judas then sat down on a large boulder, it was now dark, and the moonlight gleamed on the shiny metal hands.

"I really don't know how to explain it. At the Smelting machine, it just came to me... We are lucky to have the Damascus metal normally only used by high up ranking military guys. Any ideas on what you are going to do with yours?" His brother asked. Terron shook his head and looked down at his rhino skinned boots.

the two brothers stood there, looking out at the Blue moon, they could see it greatly through the trees, the sounds of summer night animals filled their ears, cicadas, owls, and even wolves in the distant wilderness... Terron's heart was filled excitement and frustration, sadness, and anger... he didn't fully know how he would express his feelings in the coming days...but he knew that this blade would change his life forever.

 

Author's Note

Next Episode!
Episode Two:Burnt Metal
hope yall will c it!

Reviews

[Onyx_Rayne]

This has the makings to become an epic tale!

I absolutely love the imagery.... and the dialogue is fantastic.
Your attention to detail is fantastic. It creates a picture
in the readers mind, giving us the perfect visual of the
words unfolding in front of our eyes.

Aside from a couple of spelling errors, the write is grammatically correct
(which is important). I'd suggest a teeny bit of editing for the spelling.
Then this will be a perfect start.

I look forward to hearing more about Terron.

Superb writing :)

[Arianna]

yeay i like it
well never mind, thats an understatment.
i LOVE it.

this book is amazing, im sitting here trying to think of someone who wouldn't want to read this book... i mean maybe someone under like...10 but not that they wouldn't love it. just it may be over their head.
other than that...i cant think of anyone.
i can think of a bunch of people who "don't read" that would get sucked into this book.

your writeing reminds me of Christopher Paolini. which as im sure you know is a compliment and one ive only ever given once before, but your world its breathtakeingly detailed.

love the book so far, cant wait to read more.
im sure this book will go far :D

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[Wolfwind Words]

Overall I really liked this chapter! It was well put together and flowed almost flawlessly! I noticed one spelling error.. "Smileing" should be "Smiling"
And in Paragraph 5 I believe you need to be specific in who is wearing the uniform.
Other than that a read through out loud to yourself, should catch anything else that could use shoring up.

Great Episode!

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[Jake Donald Stephens]

This episode starts off with some really great descriptions, and presents some interesting characters and dialogue. But it's dragged down by some major grammatical issues, especially run-on sentences. Example:
"His long black coat covered a white button up cotton shirt, which breathed like he wore nothing, and the shoes upon his feet were of the finest quality Rhino skin, he wore the attire of a modern day prince, for he lived in the great castle Robespierre, named after Maximilien's family tree."
See how this is two sentences, separated by a comma? Very easily fixed, but as it stands, distracting from the description and info the sentences contain.
This one, too:
"the two brothers stood there, looking out at the Blue moon, they could see it greatly through the trees, the sounds of summer night animals filled their ears, cicadas, owls, and even wolves in the distant wilderness..."
This is actually THREE sentences in one. Here's one way to fix it:
"The two brothers stood there, looking out at the great blue moon, which they could see through the trees. Sounds of the summer night animals filled their ears: cicadas, owls, and even wolves in the distant wilderness..."
The story itself is very engaging, the presentation just needs some clean-up.
Other than that, I see no reason why this shouldn't appeal to a wide audience.
And I'm wondering if Terron will regain his memories at some point... can't wait to read on and find out.

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[Knoxxeh]

I love the story so far when i first started out at writing this it the type of stuff i use to make but i changed it and now i right stuff like sanctum i always have to have some violence in it idk why i just like making fights in my books i like the starting of this the conversation between terron and his brother is funny how judas is the older one and is like idc haha good work keep it up
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[Coyote Poetry]

A amazing chapter. I like the events and situation in the chapter. Always good to work together. Two brothers are stronger then fighting alone. A excellent chapter.
Coyote

[Drako]

i like this chapter. it builds an interest in terron and how the memory was lost. leaves me wondering how much more he will grow and what he will do if his memory returns. a well written episode to keep us wanting more

[Sarusai Hiryu]

Sets the tone for the book, I hope.

[trainwreck]

this is gonna be amazing.

[iamkim]

Outstanding! I really love it! I like Terron's character. He's not the talkative type, but he has many things inside him. Genuine and very good! Thanks for sharing :)

[Ruth]

The development of the characters in this is wonderful love, a really great story!
The dialogue is excellent, I look forward to more!
xx