Extended Prologue

extended prologue, Terron meets Maximilien.

Prologue

The boy looked out to the battle; he could feel the rumble of the tanks, and the sound of the blades clashing together. The wind moved his long black hair as he turned back to look at the bodies of his mother and her body guard, their blood was crimson red.

               He stepped over to the General’s body, which lay against a great tree; its roots were so massive they had protruded out of the ground. The boy’s mother was being protected by the General, but her dead body lay behind him, her throat slit by an enemy blade.           

"Terron..." The General said slowly. The boy jumped at the sound of his voice. The cold, Coal eyes of the General peered into him filled with tears as he lifted the great Dao blade. Its handle wrapping was a bright blue color; the blade was dented and scarred from recent use. Hair and blood of many defeated Minoan soldiers, was stuck in the dents and cracks of the blade.

               "When you carry this....blade...You carry my dreams and my… honor…” The general’s last words grew soft as the blade collapsed out of his hand. The sound it made as it hit the Concrete ground made the seven year old boys heart drop. The boy grabbed the blade, its shape and weight should have made it hard for the boy to lift but he held it like it was a small stick. He looked over, off into the Wheat fields. The golden stalks of grain where now gone, destroyed by the tanks and Grenade fire of the Minoan troops.

               The boy did not know much, not about the war, he was raised in the eastern city, moved here to get away from the smaller war occurring there. But this war was like nothing he had ever seen. He stood, blade in hand and charged out into the warzone, the clashing of blades grew louder, and the boy could feel the sting of sparks hitting his body created by the meeting of two blades in combat. He swung the great weapon from side to side, attacking anyone and everyone he could, even troops on his countries side. The Generals voice could be heard in his mind.

               “We make war, so that we may live in peace.”

               “Fear is the true opiate of battle”

               “To a real warrior, power perceived may be power achieved.”

Breastplates and arrows, cast iron cannon balls, spears and shields, swords and helmets littered the ground that the boy ran on. He soon slipped and landed face first in a red liquid, the boy slowly rose finding that he had landed in a puddle of human blood. His face, covered in blood and sweat, was now becoming littered in tears.

               “Why is this happening?” he asked himself burying his face in his hands.

Soon he heard the footsteps of Minoan soldiers; they were harmonized, marching to the sounds of blades clashing and cannons being fired. The boy then looked up, he saw a man who was looking down at him in surprise and recognition, as if he knew the boy. The man wore a red cloak, and had light brown hair with a soft, kind face.

               “Fate weaves a cruel and indifferent web child.” said the man turning and walking towards a collection of tents and tanks, the boy had made it to the base where the leader of the Minoan army sat. The boy knew that if he was to kill the dictator in control of this army, it would end. He stood, soaked in blood, sword in hand and ran towards the tents.

 

…moments later…

 

The boy looked up at the neatly groomed dictator. His canary yellow hair was brushed back; his neat and trim goatee was as yellow as his hair and eyebrows. The dictators deep blue eyes penetrated the boy’s soul.

               “I told you to put your blade down boy.” The dictator said in a charismatic tone. The many soldiers who surrounded them laughed as the boy growled at the dictator. The blood on the boy’s face had dried and made it hard to feel anything at all.

               “I… I will kill you!” shouted the boy as images of his mothers dead body, and the generals last moments with him filled his mind. The dictator then turned his back to the boy and said,

               “Trust in the divine art, of secrecy and invisibility. The words of your Emperor, he was planning to destroy my country.” The dictator explained, walking toward one of the soldiers.

               “You are quite skilled, most likely stronger than most of my own soldiers. This is very troubling for me. But you fight like a savage, sloppy, and unfocused. Without Knowledge, Skill cannot be focused. Without Skill, Strength cannot be brought to bear and without Strength, Knowledge may not be applied.” He then turned back and looked at the boy who was still on the ground, to petrify to move.

               “I shall teach your people how to be true human beings.” The dictator said with a disturbing smile on his face.

               “YOU ARE NOT HUMANS! You are all monsters from the west!”  shouted the boy, he then ran at the dictator and swung his blade at him, as he did the dictator grabbed the broad side of the blade, then pulled the boy closer and kneed him in the stomach so hard that the boy dropped to the ground and passed out.

               The dictator walked over to the boy and looked at his face closely; he then snapped his fingers and the man who had seen him earlier ran up to the dictator’s side.

               “Yes my Fuehrer sir!” he asked standing straight and tall.

               “Take this boy to my home.” He ordered standing from his crouched position.

               “Sir? You understand who this boy is, correct?” he asked confused.

               “General Obilic that was an order. Are we clear?” he asked staring into the Generals eyes.

He nodded then picked the boy up in his arms and began to walk to a military Humvee. As the General drove off on the very long drive to Minoa from Gonur, the Dictator was approached by another high ranking military officer,

               “Sir, the subject has returned? This is an unforeseen series of events. The other Labors will not enjoy this development.” He said crossing his arms; the man had neck length grey hair, and wore the same red cloak as the General, his eyes where a deep forest green.

               “Yes Lieutenant General Aldrich, things are completely different now. But we will not inform the other Labors; instead we shall withdraw from this attack. The emperor’s death should shake their confidence enough. I trust you to follow through with the assassination of the emperor after we leave.” The Fuehrer answered ending with a very serious order. The Lieutenant General then bowed and faded off into the battlefield.

               “Damocles, if you are watching this from heaven, May every soul lost in these battles be rested on your shoulders.” The Fuehrer said looking off into the distant war.

               The war in Gonur raged for three more years, and bled into the nation of Angkor Watt, these wars, including a war from two years earlier would forever be known as the Four Corners War.

The boy awoke in the home of the Fuehrer, with no memory of his past life, and would later be raised by the Fuehrer, as a brother to his son Judas.

 

Author's Note

To be continued in Chapter 1: The Two Brothers
well there is the entrance for the book "Blayders" the gap in between were terron gets the sword and were he is fighting max is there on purpose, i feel that it lets the reader explore the possibilities.

Reviews

[Arianna]

wow. i really enjoyed that.

i really liked how original it is, I've read a lot of novels that mix history and complete fiction together at some level. but this is completely different from any of those that i have read. i really like the concept and how you made Maxamillion seem condescending and egotistical without coming right out and saying it.

the scene with his mother was touching and i really like it, it will be good to explain things later if he chooses to fight Max, which is what i think your attempting to set up.

you already have a strong main character, and i look forward to reading more :)

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[Wolfwind Words]

Okay... Plot.. I like! The overall flow I'll give a 7 out of 10, there are a few lines that stall out the continuity of thought.
Example: " “I… I will kill you!” shouted the boy as images of his mothers dead body, and the generals last moments with him filled his mind."
I use this one as a good example because it will serve to point a few things that you could work on throughout the piece. First.. When you're using "AND" as a connector, you need not use a comma. It's a double connection. Secondly, as you read this line out loud... it comes to a natural break point after "...moments with him..." A comma can be used to show that break and allow for a smoother line.
So the possible altered line would read, " “I… I will kill you!” shouted the boy as images of his mothers dead body and the generals last moments with him, filled his mind."

I feel from this prologue that you have a good grasp of who your characters are and their visual description. One thing you may wish to do is increase the visual descriptions on certain key actions that your characters are taking. For example when the Dictator is turning towards his soldiers, show me that movement by way of a description such as "His boot hissed upon the smooth floor. A few steps later he faced one of his elite guard." Something like that. It shows us motion, without actually saying it.

Overall there are three things that catch me with this segment and I offer these suggestions. The first I mentioned before, the use of both comma and an "AND". One or the other works. The second is the same basic nouns used closely together... Such as " “Trust in the divine art, of secrecy and invisibility. The words of your Emperor, he was planning to destroy my country.” The dictator explained, walking toward one of the (soldiers).
“You are quite skilled, most likely stronger than most of my own (soldiers).
*It might sound better if one the "soldiers" was changed to be another word meaning the same thing, like "men" or "troops" or "knights" ectra....

The last of the three things is just a personal opinion of mine and doesn't really disrupt the flow but i'll mention it as an idea. You use the line "to...somthing" alot. It might work to change that up with a, "Towards" or "Upon" when the context works for it.

Overall you've got a great start here and I like what I've read thus far! I shall read on.

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[Jake Donald Stephens]

By now I don't have to repeat that I always like your ideas and characters, and this is a pretty strong beginning, with just a few small technical errors such as "his eyes where a deep forest green" (where should be were).
And I'm usually not a stickler for fiction needing to mirror reality (because if it would really happen, it would be NON-fiction), but I do find it a little hard to grasp that any seven year old could charge into a war zone and hack his way through unscathed, unless:
a.) he is some kind of super-badass genetic freak, or
b.) the sword is some kind of magical talisman that makes him badass by wielding it.
And "Fuehrer" has a strong Hitler connotation, but that's your discretion.

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[Rain]

2:15am here and im about to fall asleep, until this prologue peeled open my eyes. When I read the words Labour, the prequel that I read before made more sense :D An interesting and solid start to a book.

[Knoxxeh]

Ok I love this starting man but the only thing i dont get is if they didnt have guns how could they have tanks thats the only thing that didnt click haha but all in all very impressive i like how the guy saves the boy even though he tried to kill him and the snapping his fingers part made my fingers hurt alittle THANKS haha good job cant wait to read more Display: Knoxx
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[ShaneBerry]

to-Grendel- well, i am all good for honesty lol. but in my defense, this is a fantasy novel, realisticality is not what i am aiming for. this takes place in an alternate history than ours. but as for your comment about blades creating sparks, it is true that it is seen more in movies than anything else, but old reports, back when woolts steel was used to create "true Damascus blades" the blades would create sparks if they where to clash together with enough force. but i respect your opinion if you will respect my writing. because in my personal opinion, the beginning to your review was very non-constructive. i am all for honesty lol, but pleas use constructive critisism, maybe give me some tips you think would help. and the mix of technology brings me back to my original point. THIS IS A FANTASY BOOK, NOT BASED ON ANY TRUE EVENTS TO HAVE EVER HAVE TAKEN PLACE (i would hope lol)
and if you want answers to your last question, then continue reading lol :p this is a story of repetition, and "fate" if that helps you at all lol. but thank you for your review, i always enjoy when people are honest rather than lie to me lol

[Calypso]

Wow. Crazy good.

[Athena Ramos]

now that's a prologue! it's great! i can fee the thrill while reading it and it got me hooked!! very nice! good job! :)

[Drako]

i can see some grammatical errors and spelling errors, but otherwise a solid start to the story