The New Dream

i believe this is the final dream of her i will have for a while...i don't know if i hope this...or if it is just so...

The Final Dream Of Her

standing on a cliff side, sunset looking out at the ocean, she is standing closer to the edge than i.

a gust of wind blows as i ask,

"hey, Alexa, were is the most beautiful place in Hawaii?"

she laughs lightly, then walks over to me, her cat like physique taunting my dreaming mind.

"Papohaku Beach, west of Molokai. why do you ask?" she answers.

i again look out to the ocean.

"i don't agree." i said, very formally.

she then walks over and leans against me softly.

"where do you think the most beautiful place in Hawaii is?" she asked softly.

i turn my head to look at her eyes, 

"Hazel," i said.

"what?" she asks confused.

"here, this is the most beautiful place, the most beautiful time,but only if you are here." i said turning to her, i try to hold her but as i do she turns to dust, i fall into my steps. 

i look out to the ocean now alone, and i feel that this is a hateful, redundant place to stand...

as the ocean hits the sand it creates the same hazel color that was hiding in her eyes.

but now i cannot see them, nor can i bare to think...

not gone from this world but gone from me, borders and cities and states away, i listen to a jazzy tune, a Jupiter jazz that lets me think of her without remorse or regret..

a rhythmic saxophone tune 

i look at the moon and know that she could be looking at the same one too.. 

Author's Note

i believe this is the final dream of her i will have for a while...i don't know if i hope this...or if it is just so...

Reviews

[Taylor H.]

I liked the idea of it but your grammar errors and sentence structure really took away from it. I would fix these things and send me a read request again.

[lamia]

good write .. very beautiful

[Senseless whatever]

Great write. The imagery is telling and very well thought out. I particularly like the way you transformed a romantic encounter to one of loss to melancholy in such a short verse. Great job.

[Angelphires]

This strangely reminds me of Cowboy Bebop at the end. I love the way you describe her becoming sand; the words flow nicely together and i was able to image the sudden change like I was there. I'm curious to see what will happen next if she should appear again. dreams are kinda fickle though

[Sam Cambell]

I love this story because I totally get the message. The idea of letting go of the regret he feels for letting the woman he loves leave his life, while still holding onto that love, and all because of a dream. As others have said, the whole thing had a very dreamlike quality, while conveying the feelings he has for this woman. Very good write.

[James Watts]

This did have a dreamy feel to it. Short but interesting. Nice work.

[RDOriginal]

You've written this in a very dreamy style. There's quite an abstract feel to it created by the focus on the conversation rather than what's happening around the two characters. I think that's why this works so well, the message you're putting across is that it's not where you are but who you're with that makes a place great. The only slight weakness I'd say I could find here is the final line which is a bit of a cliche - I think your own musical images provide a suitable finish on their own without adding anything more.

[Coyote Poetry]

This is a beautiful and peaceful story. I agree with the poem. Most beautiful place is to be able to look into the eyes of a woman with the sea and the sky in them. I like the complete story. You create a beautiful place and very good dream. A outstanding poem.
Coyote

[Carolina Kel]

Interesting write.

[Ruth]

I love this!
Great dialogue, a moving story, heartfelt!
Lovely work
xx