Freedom in Walking

An obituary for a creative writing class. Written as a poem.

I went walking in late afternoon.

Gazing up at the sun and moon.

 

Leaves crunched below my feet

As I wandered aimlessly from lack of sleep.

 

Too many nightmares from my past

Guarding the twilight is my task.

 

The sun is shining, the sky is blue

The pain wont suffice, no matter what I do.

 

I know the things, others cannot see,

Like the little girl, crying beneath the tree.

 

She cries because of what she’s done.

She can never forget the faces, from that she is hung.

 

She cries because she wants to be free,

I know this because. that girl is me.

Reviews

[Amber "Victoriomantic" ..]

Wow, this poem definitely conveys emotion directly to the reader. Reminds me of the times I have felt sad and lonely, and have often imagined being somewhere else or doing something else, almost like astral projection, to remove myself from the pain.

A simple yet completely intricate poem--which is oftimes the best kind. I was immediately placed in the mind of the walker, and perfectly able to feel (from sight, smell, sound etc) all that the walker is feeling in the park, and most of all, their loneliness. A great read!

[Coyote Poetry]

A excellent poem. The story is powerful in your words. Description and detail create a vision of a sad and lonely girl. A very good poem.
Coyote

[Matt]

beautiful.