For:
The One who tears things apart
Yet keeps everything together
The one who
Cut my heart in thousands of pieces
Because one heart couldn't love her enough...
should be part of the poem!
This is really good. The whole idea of breaking things to put them back together again is really good. It reminds me of how sometimes things have to be broken to be fixed... and much more. Here are a few things that I noticed. Mind you, they are just suggestions, no more.
- The "so what" part seems a little disjointed. Experiment with listing them or something, and add more, maybe some that contradict each other! That part of the poem is awesome.
- There are a few words that I think ould be trimmed down that would make the poem flow more. Example: "Tear me apart,/ but glue me back together," you don't need "but". Another: Cut me/ Cut me into pieces. In some places, the repetition is good, but others. Let the words imply and carry though and repeat themselves in the mind of the reader.
- One thing that I thought would fit was "cut me with your tongue." lol. Just a thought... sorry. There are so many things that could "cut a person apart" in a relationship. I knew someone who had to get stitches from their fiance's toe nail! Just saying.
Loved this. Thank you. The carefree, but serious implications of this poem make my heart happy. Love is a dissection table. You can only hope you don't become a Frankenstein in the end.
A flowing descriptive work here. I very much enjoyed the work. I was drawn to the last line: "I don't like being transparent". Most of us hate that as well. But, we become better people when we are not closed off to the rest of the world. I particularly love the flow of this piece as well.
Nice Job.
very dark and descriptive. Sounds as if you endured alot of pain. Although, remember there is always someone for everyone in this grand world of ours:)
"Plunge your nails into my bowels
and litter out their secrets" this is an outstanding line. The imagery here leaps off the page and into my chest. I read this line and it cought my breath! That sir, is what poetry is suposed to do. Illicite an emotional response from the readr and the whole piece did just that for me! Thank You!
This is by far the best poem I've read if yours, at least in my humble reviewer's opinion. The message is strong and forceful, being both clear, strong, and up front while still being poetic. This poem isn't afraid to get in your face, and I like that. It's 100% pure, raw emotion. "Hurt me!" it screams. "F**ck me up as bad as you want! Just let me know I exist!" I love it. Great job. Keep up the wonderful work.