For:
The One who tears things apart
Yet keeps everything together
The one who
Cut my heart in thousands of pieces
Because one heart couldn't love her enough...
should be part of the poem!
This is really good. The whole idea of breaking things to put them back together again is really good. It reminds me of how sometimes things have to be broken to be fixed... and much more. Here are a few things that I noticed. Mind you, they are just suggestions, no more.
- The "so what" part seems a little disjointed. Experiment with listing them or something, and add more, maybe some that contradict each other! That part of the poem is awesome.
- There are a few words that I think ould be trimmed down that would make the poem flow more. Example: "Tear me apart,/ but glue me back together," you don't need "but". Another: Cut me/ Cut me into pieces. In some places, the repetition is good, but others. Let the words imply and carry though and repeat themselves in the mind of the reader.
- One thing that I thought would fit was "cut me with your tongue." lol. Just a thought... sorry. There are so many things that could "cut a person apart" in a relationship. I knew someone who had to get stitches from their fiance's toe nail! Just saying.
Loved this. Thank you. The carefree, but serious implications of this poem make my heart happy. Love is a dissection table. You can only hope you don't become a Frankenstein in the end.
So gut wrenching, this love you speak of. Love is totally destuctive, if not reciprocated. This subject is all too familiar, I feel the pain. Brilliant.
Osiris was cut into several pieces and his parts distributed around the world. Acteon was set upon by his own dogs because they thought he had turned into a deer. The time comes when we look to divide ourselves completely, as the world did, when it worked itself into the several varnas. You follow in the footsteps of a rich tradition.
i like the poem because it's like on the mark , like boom and everything is there . some parts in the middle seemed to go nowhere and maybe lacked some direction in the middle part . overall , a good poem as it captures so many compelling elements which is something to keep me and other viewers reading on .
Very compelling and extraordinarily intense. I quite agree with Neva's review...It truly sounded like you meant it literally. This poem is vivid, also because it is very blunt. In fact it is ruthlessly stark. The poet's agony is driven straight into the reader's heart. I especially loved the last line, which suddenly twists the reader's mind from all the impending carnage and offers deeper insight into the poet's persona. A wonderful write!
...That had me wide-eyed and unable to look away, had the hairs on my back trying to rip themselves off my skin. Not that it's a scary poem or anything, but the raw emotion, the coldness of the words "Tear me apart" like that is a completely natural thing. Really gets to the reader.
Great write.