For:
The One who tears things apart
Yet keeps everything together
The one who
Cut my heart in thousands of pieces
Because one heart couldn't love her enough...
should be part of the poem!
This is really good. The whole idea of breaking things to put them back together again is really good. It reminds me of how sometimes things have to be broken to be fixed... and much more. Here are a few things that I noticed. Mind you, they are just suggestions, no more.
- The "so what" part seems a little disjointed. Experiment with listing them or something, and add more, maybe some that contradict each other! That part of the poem is awesome.
- There are a few words that I think ould be trimmed down that would make the poem flow more. Example: "Tear me apart,/ but glue me back together," you don't need "but". Another: Cut me/ Cut me into pieces. In some places, the repetition is good, but others. Let the words imply and carry though and repeat themselves in the mind of the reader.
- One thing that I thought would fit was "cut me with your tongue." lol. Just a thought... sorry. There are so many things that could "cut a person apart" in a relationship. I knew someone who had to get stitches from their fiance's toe nail! Just saying.
Loved this. Thank you. The carefree, but serious implications of this poem make my heart happy. Love is a dissection table. You can only hope you don't become a Frankenstein in the end.
Sounds too provocative, strong, passionate, real, desireable, and simply written...
It has effect on me, the need of tearing is the need of surviving too, it`s the opposite side of the coin to make someone feel what you feel...
~nia~
For:
The One who tears things apart
Yet keeps everything together
The one who
Cut my heart in thousands of pieces
Because one heart couldn't love her enough...
should be part of the poem!
This is really good. The whole idea of breaking things to put them back together again is really good. It reminds me of how sometimes things have to be broken to be fixed... and much more. Here are a few things that I noticed. Mind you, they are just suggestions, no more.
- The "so what" part seems a little disjointed. Experiment with listing them or something, and add more, maybe some that contradict each other! That part of the poem is awesome.
- There are a few words that I think ould be trimmed down that would make the poem flow more. Example: "Tear me apart,/ but glue me back together," you don't need "but". Another: Cut me/ Cut me into pieces. In some places, the repetition is good, but others. Let the words imply and carry though and repeat themselves in the mind of the reader.
- One thing that I thought would fit was "cut me with your tongue." lol. Just a thought... sorry. There are so many things that could "cut a person apart" in a relationship. I knew someone who had to get stitches from their fiance's toe nail! Just saying.
Loved this. Thank you. The carefree, but serious implications of this poem make my heart happy. Love is a dissection table. You can only hope you don't become a Frankenstein in the end.
I think this is the second poem of yours that I've read that had the word "bowel" in them lol! And on both pieces you wrote something bout plunging inside and taking it out? =o Can't remember :P I have to agree with Erica Rose when she said it's open to different interpretations. She didn't find it gory, but for me it was a little graphic and intense. But see, I think that's the beauty of it. Every word just screams intense! And it should. I never expected anything less. Good job :)
This definitely says unconditional love. I thought this was great. It's always risky to write about a cliche phrase such as "tear me apart" BUT you did it very well, my friend. You were abstract in your thinking and it made for a great picture in my mind. however, i didn't picture it gory. more artsy, like you were being sewn back up with out pain. kind of like a rag doll, i guess. that's my favorite part about poetry. so much is open to interpretation that everyone can paint their own visual images while reading. thank you for sharing.