The Whirlpool

I fell in love

Once

When I was still young

And strong

I fell in a whirlpool
In a whirlpool I fell

My heart got distraught
My brains went on holidays

I fell
And fell deeper

I fell in a cauldron
And seeped the lava of love

And I blew
Until I blew up

I whirled in a pool
My hands set out to clasp

Yours.

But they got thin air
In a pool
Where feelings whirled

And I fell
Against my own weight

I fell in love with an illusion
And it eluded me all my life

I fell in love with life
And I fell

Deep in a volcano
Of jealousy

Until it spit me out
Magma once, lava now

And I fell
On my feet

But they couldn’t resist
The weight of responsibility

My legs gave way
As I cranked under pressure

Until

I was finally felled
By a reality

My illusion
Had been nothing but
An illusion

And I fell
In a trance
As the whirlpool
Swept me off my legs
And took me away in its arms
On a trip
Along the carousel of life and death

I fell in love
With the whirlpool

And embraced life

Whirl me around
But love me

So what if I get dizzy?

Reviews

[realmwriter]

I like the spacing and pace of each stanza, kinda makes it seem like it was all a dream. Reads that way to me as well. Very dream. Course when I wake up my head feels like its in a dream for at least five minutes. The whirlpool is a nice touch, adds yet another layer to a dreamscape that you have laid out in these words. Awesome write man

[RienKelsoCinema]

I feel as if everything I do will one day be sucked into a whirlpool to suffer for all oblivion. I liked the poem and thank you for the recommendation.

[Coyote Poetry]

You are a amazing writer. I like the feel and the desire of your poem.
"I fell in a whirlpool
In a whirlpool I fell"
No weakness in your words. Just a outstanding poem to read.
Coyote

[Amila Jay]

"Lava of love" cool poem:)

[Teri B]

I love the whimsical poignancy of this!

[Dove]

Fantastic! i totally enjoyed reading it, thanks for sharing.

[Judy Ponceby]

Lovely whirling write. Enjoyed this. :)

[CT]

Well, judging by all these poems I've been reading, it sounds like you've had great luck with relationships. I jest, I jest. Another decent poem that doesn't really set me off emotionally like that one you wrote, the name of which escapes me at the moment, but doesn't really do anything wrong, either. As it is, the poem only exists.

[Christina May Shanaberg]

Man was created to love and be loved, but it will come to him, but once probably, the perfect women. There are a lot of crashes and bangs, sometimes, along the way; however, once your old enough to enter the pool, you can only hope that life will give you rest in someone's arms, cuddling your soul. Great write!

Edit Notes:

As I "cracked" under pressure
I was finally "filled"

[ShameemAkhtar]

Thanks a lot Penulis...

And thanks for pointing to the missing 'l'. Corrected it now. Typing while lying on bed is never easy... :)

Cheers