The Whirlpool

I fell in love

Once

When I was still young

And strong

I fell in a whirlpool
In a whirlpool I fell

My heart got distraught
My brains went on holidays

I fell
And fell deeper

I fell in a cauldron
And seeped the lava of love

And I blew
Until I blew up

I whirled in a pool
My hands set out to clasp

Yours.

But they got thin air
In a pool
Where feelings whirled

And I fell
Against my own weight

I fell in love with an illusion
And it eluded me all my life

I fell in love with life
And I fell

Deep in a volcano
Of jealousy

Until it spit me out
Magma once, lava now

And I fell
On my feet

But they couldn’t resist
The weight of responsibility

My legs gave way
As I cranked under pressure

Until

I was finally felled
By a reality

My illusion
Had been nothing but
An illusion

And I fell
In a trance
As the whirlpool
Swept me off my legs
And took me away in its arms
On a trip
Along the carousel of life and death

I fell in love
With the whirlpool

And embraced life

Whirl me around
But love me

So what if I get dizzy?

Reviews

[realmwriter]

I like the spacing and pace of each stanza, kinda makes it seem like it was all a dream. Reads that way to me as well. Very dream. Course when I wake up my head feels like its in a dream for at least five minutes. The whirlpool is a nice touch, adds yet another layer to a dreamscape that you have laid out in these words. Awesome write man

[Mauricio Montoya]

Love can be sometimes an all around ride of sort and you’ve done a great job in bringing in this piece.

[Aggie Skeleton]

I like how you made the strutcure kinda spaced out so that you kinda get a beat to it as you keep reading.

But they got thin air
In a pool
Where feelings whirled

My fave stanza. I like the idea it gave me, and I especially like the last sentance, it made me smirk.

[∂αʌ<..]

wow...you did fell badly in love!
love it!^^

[Sagar Waingankar]

Your thoughts are wave of a whirlpool itself! Your flowing thoughts are reflected in words! I was wondering, how can one be in illusion when he is in love? May be due to lack of relations I got :P

[Lively]

I liked the way you wrote it....

[Valentine]

Read this two or three times and one can see the depth of the feelings one human can have for a love that does not love back..I could of done without the last line though as that makes it less sincere..Nice one though..Valentine

[Robbie~xoxo~]

Very nice! Love does so many things...the whirlpool is the perfect theme for it! Love sucks us in wholeheartedly and can make us dizzy, clouding our minds with nothing but its overwhelming existence. Great write!

[Priscilla Sayers]

I like the whirlpool metaphor. So many of us use the rollercoaster to describe love and life's up and downs. Very nice fresh new take on life and love. Get dizzy, soak it up:)

[Dayran]

Its one way to experience love....with abandon. Where it later seeks meaning and the impulse of feeling, it may seek to also understand. Nice write!