I Think I Lost My Heart

If you have a bird in a cage, let it fly away. If it is yours it will come back. If it doesn’t, then it was never yours. That’s what she told me. And that’s what I did. She flew away and never came back. But she took my heart along and ever since it has been very difficult to live.

I heard rumours going that maybe she lost in the Brise-Fer forest when she went there to work on her final year project. Or that she threw it in the sea at Flic-en-Flac when she went camping with her cousins in the month of December. And I have been looking for it ever since.

They are rumours of course, and we Mauritians are the ultimate masters at generating them. Yet both seem pretty plausible. I don’t know though which one warrants more negative feelings. Losing is one issue. Throwing is totally different. Not to mention that I don’t know how to swim. And that I would get lost in the forest with my acute sense of orientation. I mean, acute because it gives me acute pain. Once I wandered around the metro stations in St Petersburg, taking metro after metro, trying to get home. That too with a map in my hand. Can you imagine! Anyway, after more than three hours, someone told me that I was holding the map of Paris in my hands. No wonder the alphabets refused to concur except a few odd ones.

Anyway, that was a bit off track…

Let me continue with my story. Now I went to the Plaine Verte Police Station (the Vallée Pitôt one was ransacked recently) and met a nice policeman there. He was supposed to take my statement. I told him that a bird had stolen my heart and that I suspected who it was. He laughed at me. I couldn’t believe he laughed at me right in my face! And I thought he was nice. No wonder there are so many cases of police brutality registered against those brutes. They indulge in practices of human degradation. I felt humiliated. At one time I couldn’t discern which one was more painful: having to live without a heart, or having someone laugh at my having to live without a heart.

Thankfully a friend of his took over and requested to take my statement instead.

‘So! Your heart has been stolen, right?’

I said: ‘Yes!’

‘But I hope you know that we can’t sue birds. Our cars unfortunately do not fly. Those of Rodrigues do though. We had one which flew, but unfortunately it’s in the garage now. It got damaged when it flew over the Colville bridge.’

‘Oh, how sad!’ I replied, my voice full of compassion.

I took a deep breath and recollected myself drying the tears that were threatening to well at his forceful description of how the poor car missed the net and got entangled in the branches. And as I succeeded to muster enough egoism, I shut down his description and opened the window on my problem again.

‘But is there no way Sir?’

The man looked at me and scratched his chin, stroking his beard in a bid to make it longer and letting out a ‘Hmm’.

‘Let me see,’ he said. ‘There may be a solution, but we have to know first who stole it and first of all, whether it has been stolen at all or lost.’

I explained the rumours to him and told him how I suspected it was my girlfriend. I told him how it hurt terribly when I opened the door and she left the cage and how I immediately knew that she had taken something away from me. I also told him how after a lot of investigation a week later I unearthed the truth after a lot of searching: she had taken away my heart!

The policeman listened to me attentively and this gave me the necessary gutso to ignore the regular chuckles of the first policeman. His chuckles were more like a motorcycle from the 60’s failing to start despite repetitive attempts.

The policeman, Vikram was his name, however frowned when I told him about the cage. After I had spoken he reprimanded me, ‘it’s an offense to keep someone in a cage, you know!’ He stood up, his towering frame overshadowing me as I cowered in my chair and blotted onto myself, half expecting that he would hit me. Just like dad used to do. But he sat down again. ‘Don’t worry, you have opened the door and I will close the door of my eyes on your cage.’

I didn’t exactly understand what he meant but a sixth sense told me that it meant good.

‘There are three possibilities,’ he said, ‘if we assume that we have got the right person.’

I sheepishly nodded, my eyes suddenly lit up like the sun rising after a decade of moonless nights.

‘There are three possibilities: the simplest, maybe she inadvertently took it away. The second, she stole it. The third, she kidnapped or hijacked it.’

I nodded again. Geez, I had never thought about the other options.

‘So, from what you know about her, do you think she took it away intentionally or not.’

I thought. Something I didn’t do too often. Because I was asked never to do so. I felt like I was doing sacrilege against the words of the bible by thinking. My conscience reproached me but I kept thinking, trusting that God would forgive me. It was a matter of the heart after all.

And while thinking I didn’t realize that for five whole minutes I had kept looking in the policeman’s eyes, my head slightly cocked forward, my mouth open, my eyes wide open. As Vikram shook me, I realized that while thinking, my thoughts had got lost and I had forgotten to think. How confusing! Thankfully my thoughts aren’t important at all. They are a burden in fact so losing them is a good omen, I guessed.

‘You don’t know!’

I had to shake my head. Of course I didn’t know.

Vikram’s face softened. ‘Did you try to call her to ask her?’

My face illuminated again and I hastened to tell him how for a whole day I had called her from my mobile, but she had hijacked it and kept giving me a message that I didn’t have enough money. Well, I knew she hijacked it because the voice kept lying. I had tons of money in my bank, I know.

Then I told him how astutely I took a friend’s phone and I didn’t get the previous message. That confirmed that she had hijacked my mobile! But unfortunately she had hired two people, a man and a woman who alternately both told me sorry, that her number was busy. Another day went by trying to explain them that of course the phone would be busy if they would pick up. I told them not to pick up and to let her pick up instead, but they refused to listen and kept repeating the same message again. I wonder how they kept their cool after a whole day. I lost mine and threw the phone on the sofa in frustration. Unfortunately it bounced off and broke on hitting the floor. Decidedly I have been losing everything since I opened that door!

The policeman smiled. ‘Don’t worry friend. Have you thought about putting an ad in the newspaper?’

I was definitely on the right track.

‘I thought of it, but she is a journalist and I am sure she will use her contacts to prevent it from appearing.’

‘I understand,’ he said and set on the task of thinking. I felt better. It always feels better to let others think. Thinking is not my everyday meal and this I wasted no time to tell him. He smiled and I assumed that he liked what I said.

He was still thinking when a young woman broke into the police station, crying that she had been beaten and raped. I looked at her and winced. Her face was smeared with blood as were her clothes. She was nursing a deep cut on her right arm. Her clothes, the few that were left, were torn.

She ran to the counter. Vikram stood up. ‘Antoine, look at him.’

She ran to Antoine.

‘Ma’am, you have to wait. Yours is an everyday case, we have a very important case here. Yours are physical wounds, they will heal. Sit down and rest, we will come to you after we wrap up this one.’

‘But…’

The woman never got the chance to be interrupted.

‘SIT DOWN!’ Vikram yelled and Antione’s gaze almost killed her. She stopped at the ‘but’ and whether willingly or not, Antione’s helping hand made sure she sat down. And if I had told you that she was crying when she came in, and I thought that she had finished her stock of tears, well, I was wrong. I thought a silent tsunami struck as the tears came in waves and she tried to stiff any sound, ultimately emitting a gargling noise.

I turned back. Back to business.

‘So you can’t put an ad.’ All the other guys had surrounded me now.

I felt important. The first policeman had joined the throng too. What was his name? Too long, never mind. 420, that was his number. 420 had a serious look on his face now and everyone seemed very concerned. I felt very safe in these hands and thanked them. I felt I saw a smirk on 420’s face, but maybe I was wrong. My mind has been playing puzzle games with me of late.

‘Anyway,’ Vikram continued. ‘There is no way for you to contact her. You don’t know if she really stole it or not. If she stole it, then we have a case, if she took it inadvertently and it got lost, there is no case. The other possibility is kidnapping. Did she ask for anything in return?’

I pondered. ‘Yeah, when she left, she told me to leave the door open and to close my eyes on everything and not tell anyone.’

‘Hmm, seems incriminating. A case of kidnapping. But not necessarily. What she asked you is not tangible, so the judge might not look at it like a ransom. If she had asked for money or property, then maybe.’

I frowned.

The lady who had come earlier slowly eclipsed away. And I felt relieved. Now I felt safer. More secure.

‘I am sorry mate, we can’t take your statement. We can’t do anything for you.’

‘Why?’ I almost cried out.

Antoine gave me one of his killer looks and I pressed to muffle my second ‘why?’ which came more like a whimper.

‘We can’t do anything for you. We can’t lodge a complaint against her as we have no evidence. We don’t know if she stole it or kidnapped it. Or maybe you lost it yourself. But the most important thing is that you will never get your heart again.’

‘The wild boars might have eaten it long ago in brise-fer,’ Iqbal, one of the policemen said. ‘I heard they cherish human heart and thrive on that. Perhaps you should bring her there. Maybe they will tear her apart and eat her heart too. You won’t get your heart, but at least you will have your revenge.’

Shame on life. I didn’t even have a heart to be heart broken. So I simply listened.

And Iqbal continued, ‘if it’s in the sea, then also we don’t have the means to find it.’

I almost cried.

‘Please help me,’ my eyes pleaded as I clasped my hands together.

‘Unless…’ Vikram let the words trail.

And the light in my eyes flickered. And froze.

My lips quivered. Maybe there is a solution. Please let there be a solution.

Vikram looked at me one final time. ‘Wait,’ he said.

They all retracted to a corner of the room and discussed in chorus in a voice that was barely audible. I, on the other hand, didn’t know what to do. I had listened to a thief and opened the door to let her go. Now she had stolen my heart and I didn’t know what I was supposed to do. Forget doing, I didn’t even know how I was supposed to react. How I was supposed to feel. I couldn’t feel heart broken, for I had no heart. I couldn’t sue her, because we couldn’t determine whether it was a case of theft, a case of kidnapping, or a case of loss. But in anyway, all the pointers seemed to indicate that it was a lost case. Unless…

That was the word that maybe mattered. That was the word that maybe could make the difference. Maybe. Unless…

My thoughts got lost again. Thank God for two reasons. Firstly I have lots of thoughts. That, I just realized. That’s why despite losing so many thoughts, I still find more thoughts to lose. And secondly my thoughts are not important.

Unfortunately I had only one heart. And that that heart got lost, is a terrible catastrophic calamity.

And now I didn’t know what to do, how to feel. So I just sat straight. I didn’t know if I was supposed to cry. So I didn’t cry.

They finally came back over after it seemed a few minutes.

Vikram came in front of me and sat on the table. I lifted my head to look at him. Antoine, Iqbal, 420 and the two others surrounded me. I don’t know why but suddenly I felt as though the atmosphere was pressing on my shoulders and for the first time I realized that maybe some of the rubbish that they talked in Physics is true after all. I never thought air and the atmosphere could have weight. But whichever way, I felt a weight on my shoulders and the place where my heart was supposed to be. And I couldn’t see anything physical on it. So I assumed that it must have been the air that they say is invisible.

They kept a minute of silence as though in memory of my lost heart.

I didn’t know if they were going to tell me something positive or negative. But I felt that what was going to transpire would be of utmost importance and secrecy. And I felt that they had surrounded me to prevent the words from going outside that circle.

I didn’t know what to do or say, so I did nothing and said nothing.

‘There may be a way,’ Vikram said, measuring his words while speaking, trailing them as though they were too heavy to say in one go.

If I had a heart, any heart, I am sure it would have leapt with joy and were it not for the sacred circle they had built around me, I would have leapt and kissed Vikram.

But I restrained myself. Or rather, I dared not.

And then, Vikram dropped the bomb.

‘But…’

And my mood, which had been doing the yoyo, hit the ground and almost got buried six inches deep.

I held my breath, fearing that I may lose that as well.

‘There is a way, but it’s very expensive,’ Antoine took over.

‘So?’ I couldn’t see the point. That was not exactly what I was expecting and I sat upright, perplexed, my brows forming a question mark each, an image of each other.

‘Can you afford it?’ Iqbal said.

I frowned deeper.

‘I guess,’ I said finally, somewhat confused.

‘You see, we are ready to help you, but it will cost a lot and we have to know whether you can afford it. A lost heart is a very serious case and will require lots of efforts and lots of investments which the Mauritian government can’t afford. Not even Navin can bring ‘sanzement’ here. And Paul wouldn’t have been able to ‘keep cool’ either.’

‘We will have to contact Interpol to seek their help. You know Intepol?’ 420 continued. ‘Then we have to repair that flying car of ours and command a lot of others from America. Hail America! And we will get Olivier to send us a few planes from Diégo Garcia while he is there. We need to scan the skies to see if the bird has hid it on a cloud.’

‘And if it’s in the sea, then we need submarines. Sharks are sea scavengers. They collect everything in the ocean and stack them in a cave lost in the region of the Bermuda Triangle. This is a very dangerous mission and only Kalam will be able to help us,’ one of them said. ‘You know Kalam? The President of India. He will be able to help us but we will have to pay a huge price.’

I nodded. ‘And if the boars have eaten it?’

Vikram winced. But Antoine came to his help.

‘Yeah, the boars, we almost forgot them. Even if they have eaten it, it’s not a problem. Hearts do not get digested. We will need to get those petroleum drilling machines to open their bellies. They have very tough stomachs and we need special equipment for that.’

Finally I smiled.

‘So you can get me my heart, if I pay?’

‘Yes, you will, if you can. But you will have to wait a bit though.’ Iqbal said. ‘It is a very dangerous mission and will take some time.’

‘I sincerely hope you can pay.’ Vikram said. ‘It will cost only a few million rupees.’

‘That’s all?’ I said as I turned towards the red corvette that put the broken asphalts of the Plaine Verte road to shame.

They looked over and I thought I saw stars shooting all of a sudden.

‘I am a multi-millionaire,’ I said nonchalantly. ‘I will leave you that,’ and produced a blank cheque. I thought I saw some eyes pop out of their sockets.

‘Is that enough?’ I put in timidly.

Vikram stood up shell shocked.

‘Of course! Of course!’ they all cajoled in unison.

I dialed a number and talked to the person online. ‘Sonu, I will send you a cheque. You take the number and IDs of these gentlemen and make sure each one gets his share within one day. Ok?’

I handed the phone to Vikram who eagerly gave all his details. And the phone got passed around. I handed the key of the corvette to Vikram who took it graciously, his mouth lavish with kind words. 420 had saliva streaking out of his mouth.

Vikram took the keys and casually read the tag that was attached.

I watched as his face bleached and went awash. The others looked at him and one by one as they peered over, joined him in his white merriness.

‘Thank you very much gentlemen, for trying your best to find my heart. When I left the door open, I was confident that the birds would not go away and would remain within their premises. I opted to trust and to give them their freedom. But they breached the limits and abused and continuously raped my heart.’

If only white could get whiter!

But it did.

I smiled at the TV ad. I had got back my heart. ‘ICAC. Li na pa guette figir pu li azir!’

By hook or by crook.

It was not even a damage limitation process. It was time to correct past mistakes. The cage is meant for those who need it, for those whose behaviour is dictated by the presence of the cage. But that’s not what we need. We neither need the cage, nor those people within the cage. What we need are those people who belong there. Those people who by heart belong there.

I thought of the TV ad again. My heart was back and I felt the pressure on my shoulders wane away. I always wondered at the image in the logo. A mask on a face. And I wondered about a new motto.

‘ICAC! Li na pa mete mask zis lor so figir. Li met li aussi lor so karakter!’

…

But the corvette cost a fortune in rent… A price for all…