Stop

It gripped. Like the claws of death. Tightening fast. Clenching into my soul. Broken. Broken into pieces like the shards of mirror which lay by my feet. Drenched in blood. Spurting in gashes off my hand. Where the radial artery was slit. Open. Like the book of my life.

My body quaked. Spasmodic chasms shook it. Like she had shaken my life. A life punctuated by ups and downs. Downs which drowned the few ups. Ups that came as hiccups. Once in a blue moon and so easily washed away by the water of sorrow.

I lay down. Down on the floor. The marble reflected the red of my blood. Blood diluted by tears. Tears of pain. Where she had gouged out my heart.

The blood. It had a life of its own. And moved freely. Drawing a map on the floor. An exquisite piece of tapestry. The rape of my soul of its virginity by her love…

It was finally over. Like she had said. So easily. Yeah, it was over. So easily. My soul deceived my body like she had deceived my soul.

It was over. Full stop. Stop. Red like my blood. Red like the road sign. Stop. And my heart finally stopped as the ultimate muscular spasms forced my lungs to heave a final sign of ‘adieu’ (farewell).

My eyelids closed as my pupils rolled. The light shimmered, fading, and finally shut out. Stop. The embryonic cord of life cut off.  My grip relaxed and opened slightly as my index tweaked once as a nerve pulled out. Stop. And my hands faltered. Half open. As though begging for life. For her.

Stop. And the reflections in the shards froze. Fragments of my soul. Ripped apart by the knives of her love.

Stop. The earth stopped. Time froze. My existence wiped out.

Stop. Only the blood oozed.

Sticky.

Red.

Reviews

[realmwriter]

Dude. Very powerful stuff here. I am impressed to say the least. This creates a picture of heart ache so bloodred cold and real it is palpable from the screen. I do believe many have attempted to capture such feelings and few have maged to do so with such a raw and vicious note. Congrats, you are to be comended.

[Brandi Nicole]

phenomenal....

you have created a unique and raw image of the pain inflicted by heart ache. seriously, we often seek for words to express our pain when love goes awry. you, my dear, have done just that!

kuddos!

[The adventurer]

emotional & different.

[Morrigan Nicole]

hmmm.... what to say? it was very... unusual. different. not something i would normally read, but good, yes. might i ask, where did the idea come from?

[Elaenor Aisling]

Great write. Raw, emotional, honest. I love how you interspersed the word 'stop' in the last bit. The comparison and imagery was great. Sad, but lovely work.

[Sleepless]

yeah very intense nice story !:P

[Daytonight]

Very intense. Thank you for sharing.

[Victorious]

Indeed I must agree, I like the imagery in this piece. I don't normally favor heartbroken or suicidal stories whatsoever but yours was a bit fresh. I kept reading, lol.

And the "stop" thing was to indicate what I wonder, moments where time stood painfully still or the narrator's thought to stop, doubting in his will.

I still can't say I like this kind of central idea because it says "if someone breaks up with me, then it's the end of the world" but oh well. This was still pleasant to read.

Sincerely Livana Lowell (LL)

God bless

[KAOlmsted]

thank you for the invite> I would like to articulate how much I liked this piece but you have rendered me speechless> Not easily done> Suffice it to say: wow

[Eldarwen]

It's quite intense and I like the metaphors you have used in this, describing so much more than just these few written lines, hinting at things which have been but have been lost.
There is a little too much repetition in this for my personal taste, but it is a story worth reading :)