The Shadows on your heart

This is a poem i wrote to my best friend to show her that i will always be with her through her ups and downs...friendship is one of the worlds most important elements...without friends people would of given up ages ago...

When the shadows on your heart
begin to malicously tear you apart
changing your joyful day into a fearful night
making you forget the blinding sight of light
 
When the little voices in your head
make you forget the successful path you've lead
allowing the darkest nightmares to take over your dreams
turning all your lightened hopes into darkened beams
 
When the people around you leave you astray
causing you to wonder why they've all walked away
forcing you to blame yourself for being a deceitful friend
making you believe that everything has come to an end
 
When you feel like you've broken down
and your smile has turned into a frown
be assured that i'll always be right by your side
especially when the world gives you a bumpy ride
 
 

Author's Note

What do you think of this? Any ways to improve myself?? tell me what you think of friendship

Reviews

[Mioki]

I really liked this poem. The message was evident; friends are there, and they will help you. Not because they think they'll gain something, but because they just want to see you happy. The rythme scheme you used was good, too. It fit well with the poem.

My thoughts on friendship are a bit shaky. They come, they go, they stay, I leave, it's just a cycle for me. The one's I love leave a big feeling of regret, and the ones I just 'knew' leave the feelings of having not succeeded. I don't know where I would be without them all, though. This poem shows that to me well.

[StoryTailor]

Friendship- something more with more value then any priceless gem; four times as difficult to find

It had a nice flow to it, although there were a few parts that did seem off. The message was strong, and the emotions and feelings were clearly very evident. Clearly very there. It was an enjoyable piece, and I liked reading it. Good write.

[Dillon Cotter]

frienship is truly priceless it's suck a beautiful bond.

-Will

[Red Ears]

aww very nice. your friend is lucky to have you.

[deeps]

Such an emotional write here
Powerful flow, you are very poetic.
Wonderful write.

[Stacy Marie]

Overall a great poem with a very nice flow, the only line I think was a little choppy was "When the people around you leave you astray." Maybe too many of the word "you" in it. Still, you write very good poetry! Nice job! :)