In the form of a Pill..

drugged and raped...True story..

I close my eyes

the misty night air

tightens in my throat

I gasp

re-living you like a desperate lyric

reverberating over and over again

that night

a malignancy stained

into the fundamental existence

of trusting ignorance

a chartreuse soul

reading scarlet letters

and blaming myself

for your friendly portrayal

and lustful betrayal

in the form of a pill

slipped into the fragrance of saffron

when the roses were in bloom

and only you knew the intensity

of a broken heart lost and alone

in the crumbled foundation

of a troubled remnant

where the fabric of a young bride

had been ripped and torn to shreds

in the wake of a marriage

and the wake up call of a mistress

I was broken and helpless

and YOU

disguised as a friend

moved in for the kill

in the form of a pill

dazed and confused

intoxicated by a sip

of tasted betrayal

that left me lethargic

in the arms of a monster

when even then

you were not man enough

to go it alone

and the two of you

still echo in sounds

of muffled laughter

and unclear words

that follow me

forever trapped

in the dark corners

of a cerebral mask

where shame and self blame

lived for years

in the memory of four missing hours

that come like flashes of blinding light

and hidden memories

forever reappearing

disguised as a friend

that stole my will

in the form of a pill...

© 2010 bj smith

aka shallimarRose

see also : Raped by a friend..A Night of betrayal, a lifetime..

Author's Note

Bleeding ink.

Reviews

[Jack...]

A monster is a monster even if they wear the mask of a friend. So sorry this is a piece of your history my sweet friend. These nightmares seem to cling to us forever, but somehow, perhaps through writing about it, I would hope you find a way to hide it in the dark shadows somewhere. The good thing is your wonderful poem can be a warning to other's who might now think twice before putting their trust where it maybe does not belong.

[shallimarRose]

Thank you Jack.. a few have already private messaged me and thanked me for the story and giving them strength. I have one working on writing her own story now also. I almost feel as if it was not only my pain that got me to write all out but maybe higher purpose. Maybe this will turn out to be a blessing in disguise in some way as strange as that sounds. Thank you Jack for the love and support and taking the time to read. xo Rose

[Coyote Poetry]

I told my daughters. Trust no-one. Never go out alone. Take no drink from no-one unless you watch the bartender. I also taught my daughters self defense. One pill can disable a person. This is a scary place to be. Thank you for sharing the story in the poem. Young woman need to be careful. A lot of bad people in this world. Thank you for sharing this tale. It needs to be read.
Coyote

[shallimarRose]

Mom always told me the same thing. I knew him.. took my baby with me and kept my feet flat on the floor like mom always told us girls but little defense when there is a drug involved. reluctantly and sickingly I looked up Spanish fies and they are all over the internet boasting "make a woman do anything you want" Sure they come with a warning.. not to be used without the woman's permission ? but be real.. of course many are going to use them to commit evil against women. maybe even children.. it's discussing.. Thanks for reading John.. xo

[Angi]

This is such a frightening poem, Rose! I cannot imagine going through something like this. You took us inside and I could feel the terror, confusion and pain. Brave poem here. Angi~

[shallimarRose]

Thank you Angi for coming to read. This was written as sort of a letter to my rapist. I never thought of it as frightening for anyone but me.. I always appreciate your reading and commenting. xo Rose

[SpeedyHobbit Armstrong]

This is really creepy, scary, sad and extremely well-written! It resonates as only poetry written from the heart could possibly do. Amazing as poem, horrific in real life! So sorry this happened to you!

[shallimarRose]

Thank you Cher again for coming to read from my pages.. xo Rose

[bobc]

R...I seem to recall the other one as well. Like the other one, this one is so raw it's hard to critique at all. Would only suggest you check spell check it. ...bobc

[shallimarRose]

I think I got them all fixed.. My spell check was not turned on and so I didn't see them.. thanks again... xo Rose