In the form of a Pill..

drugged and raped...True story..

I close my eyes

the misty night air

tightens in my throat

I gasp

re-living you like a desperate lyric

reverberating over and over again

that night

a malignancy stained

into the fundamental existence

of trusting ignorance

a chartreuse soul

reading scarlet letters

and blaming myself

for your friendly portrayal

and lustful betrayal

in the form of a pill

slipped into the fragrance of saffron

when the roses were in bloom

and only you knew the intensity

of a broken heart lost and alone

in the crumbled foundation

of a troubled remnant

where the fabric of a young bride

had been ripped and torn to shreds

in the wake of a marriage

and the wake up call of a mistress

I was broken and helpless

and YOU

disguised as a friend

moved in for the kill

in the form of a pill

dazed and confused

intoxicated by a sip

of tasted betrayal

that left me lethargic

in the arms of a monster

when even then

you were not man enough

to go it alone

and the two of you

still echo in sounds

of muffled laughter

and unclear words

that follow me

forever trapped

in the dark corners

of a cerebral mask

where shame and self blame

lived for years

in the memory of four missing hours

that come like flashes of blinding light

and hidden memories

forever reappearing

disguised as a friend

that stole my will

in the form of a pill...

© 2010 bj smith

aka shallimarRose

see also : Raped by a friend..A Night of betrayal, a lifetime..

Author's Note

Bleeding ink.

Reviews

[Jack...]

A monster is a monster even if they wear the mask of a friend. So sorry this is a piece of your history my sweet friend. These nightmares seem to cling to us forever, but somehow, perhaps through writing about it, I would hope you find a way to hide it in the dark shadows somewhere. The good thing is your wonderful poem can be a warning to other's who might now think twice before putting their trust where it maybe does not belong.

[shallimarRose]

Thank you Jack.. a few have already private messaged me and thanked me for the story and giving them strength. I have one working on writing her own story now also. I almost feel as if it was not only my pain that got me to write all out but maybe higher purpose. Maybe this will turn out to be a blessing in disguise in some way as strange as that sounds. Thank you Jack for the love and support and taking the time to read. xo Rose

[Night]

Horrors diguised as friends are the most heart-wretching of all. I felt the desperation and fear leaking through your ink. I wish you the best.

Great Write!

[shallimarRose]

Thank you night for reading and the well wishes.. xo

[Rosaria_V]

Teach me your awesome ways!! I love it :)

[shallimarRose]

Rosa I would love to read your poetry before you post if you like. Thank you for the sweet reviews.. xo Rose

[Rosaria_V]

Awww yess!! I would be happy to send them to you first!! :) Thank so much xoxo

[shallimarRose]

No problem Rose.. there are several here I help out once in a while. Anything would just be suggestion. xo

[Rosaria_V]

haha awesome!!

[Barbara Walker]

I am saddened to hear the horror you have been through and continue to go through, reliving this nightmare over and over again. The writing is therapeutic, but counseling may help you reach some type of peace within. To have gone through this and then have your mother blaming you, just breaks my heart. I wish you great healing in your heart and spirit from this horrific time.

[shallimarRose]

Thank you Barbara for taking the time.. xo Rose

[kublakhan27]

I've been looking at this piece for quite a while now trying to figure out what to say, but when I run through the options in my head, they all sound shallow...to simply say that I'm sorry, or that I feel horrible about this, or that it's all behind you now, almost feels like I'm downplaying it to an extent...there really aren't any words to express the magnitude of sorrow I feel for anyone who has had to endure such an ordeal, and I know a few who have...the best response I can come up with here is to just tell you how proud I am of you for being so willing to bring such an issue to light...it can't be an easy thing to do, especially when you're speaking autobiographically, but this kind of willingness is what is needed to fight off the stigma that seems to prevent so many other victims from being as open as you are...stay strong dear friend, you know that there are many here who truly care about you, and I am one of them...love and hugs.

[shallimarRose]

Thank you Steve. Yes I am open about it now but have been keeping alone in the darkness for so many year. I appreciate your reading and willingness to comment and strengthen.. xo Rose

[kublakhan27]

Always a pleasure my dear friend..xo

[FlatLineBeauty]

very deep and touching. I enjoyed this thank you for sharing. I wanted to give you a big hug reading this and a few others I have read of yours.

[shallimarRose]

Thanks for reading WRose... xo

[Travis Gibson (poetic h..]

Bleeding ink indeed! Unfortunately, our monsters all to often are those closest to us. Knowing when and where to strike is much to tempting to pass up it appears. Again, I truly applaud your strength to compose and share this type of piece.

[shallimarRose]

Thank you for stopping to read and the kind words.. xo Rose

[Travis Gibson (poetic heroics)]

Its always a pleasure.

[Simon Welsh]

Ughh... brutal and graphic. Some people are just evil... friend or not.

[shallimarRose]

Yes Elliott..evil plans are made by evil people.. thank you for reading. sR

[Frieda P]

Happens all too often, I hear/read horror stories every day on that survivor site I told you about, glad you're purging this shallimar, pitiful souls are they, should all be castrated as far as I'm concerned....nuff said...

[shallimarRose]

Thanks Frieda.. xo

[Mark]

The worst kind of evil is that which takes advantage of our trust.

[shallimarRose]

Thank you Mark.. HUGS!! Rose

[Lydia Shutter]

Rose....you know I understand all too well. I hope writing is a catharsis for you. The images you splashed on the page are vivid and made me remember all too well. There are evil people in this world. Unfortunately, when we fall victim to them, the results can last a lifetime. Lydi**

[shallimarRose]

So many here have told me Lydi that they too were raped or had a daughter or someone close that has been raped... We see the smiling faces on the avatars and we don't always think about the humans under the picture.. I know this is helping me to pour blood into the pen .. I think it is also helping others.. thank you for reading. sR