Lost Winds

shallimarRose Poetry and Prose... Something I wrote while sitting on the beach last week while trying to bury painful memories in the sand...

Lost Winds

as the sands of time

push forward with consistency

so the waves crest and recede

with eloquence taking precious secrets

along with pebbles and beach glass

it's like an interlude of lost winds

along with broken dreams 

and forgotten moments

that crest and recede as if

 written with empathy

on rocky ledges

and swollen driftwood

that become masked 

with intrinsic infliction's

bj smith

aka shallimarRose

Author's Note

This poem relates to something bad that causes me to have flashbacks even after forty years.. It is about how the sands of time continue to move on but the broken dreams and incomplete memories never really go away.. Darkness & grief..

Intrinsic: Adjective
intrinsic (comparative more intrinsic, superlative most intrinsic)
Innate, inherent, inseparable from the thing itself, essential.
Comprising, being part of a whole. (stretching it a bit here).. lol ty

Reviews

[Larry Dyson]

feels incomplete..the title suggests Lost winds... but it starts with a graceful pome of waves...and in the middle..I am lost for lack of translation between the winds and the waves...."....and beach glass ......?an interlude of lost winds
"..introduce me to the winds so well described...please..Laury

It is lovely in the wording..its just the use of ..

an incomplete phrse after a wonderfully written intro..detracts from the understandingg of the flow...an interlude of lost winds

written with empathy

on rocky ledges

and broken driftwood

like forgotten moments

with intrinsic inflictions
this is an incommplete word phrase introduced with ...an..and no subject to tell me what it does...reread it to your self...even use a action word.. other than "an"..such as causing being blown by the "interlude of"...not being critical...just sayin...ty

[shallimarRose]

Thank you Larry I truly appreciate honest critique...... Perhaps the problem here is the title?? I actually wrote this sitting on the beach contemplating flashbacks I've been having...I see lost winds as metaphor for time and the interlude of lost winds represents the flashbacks intervening but cannot hold back time.. the pebbles and beach glass as they come and go with the waves so my flashbacks come and go and I have no control over them....... I hope this explains my thoughts.. Do you think if I changed the title perhaps it would help? Maybe too much focus on the winds... just sounded like a very poetic title.. thank you , shallimar..

[Larry Dyson]

please reread and decide.. ty

[shallimarRose]

thanks Larry ... thoughts are intentionally left incomplete as my thoughts and struggles with the flashbacks I am dealing with are incomplete thoughts and memories ..... I wish I could explain more.. Noone ever really knows the story behind the poets words.. This was not meant to be a free flowing complete story its to be left to the readers interpretation... Its kind of a thing with me.. You will see as I post more.. I dont mind the critique at all that is how we grow... so thank you..shallimar

[Keith]

I certainly see how traumatic memories would build and recede like the waves overwhelming all in their path. We feel the sadness in this piece.

[shallimarRose]

Thank you Keith.. Yes.. they do.. In my case its a bad memory that keeps haunting me.. xoxo Rose

[Jack...]

Funny how the tide can take away things, but it always brings them back, night after painful night. Very nice sweet Rose.

[shallimarRose]

Thank you Jack.. I actually wrote this when flashbacks came back after almost forty years.. PTSD they say... Yes they Always come back.. to haunt... xo

[ShelleyA]

A lovely write and presentation about the 'winds' of time. Imagery is good as are the descriptives. You paint a vivid picture of waves as they crest and recede, and within its grasp are unknown secrets. Flow is good as is the line to line transition and breaks. Nice rhythm and use of enjambment. Nice use of simile. Lovely depth of feeling; thought provoking. Good word choice; nice use of repetition for emphasis. Well penned. Write on!

[shallimarRose]

Wow thank you Shelley.. I have to go look up enjambment lol.. I am so glad you read this one.. shallimarRose

[Allyson Wolfe]

I like the simplicity of the structure (visually) and the idealistic descriptions you've used. I love the piece!

[shallimarRose]

Thank you for reading Allyson. Glad you enjoyed.. shallimarRose

[J. J. Nightingale]

This is beautiful .. hope you have sent read request ...

Well done ... Jazz

[shallimarRose]

thank you Jazz.. no I have not figured out how to send a read request or how even to add friends yet.. Most of the time the friends icon is not highlighted and wont let me add... Slowly i'll learn.. xo Rose

[J. J. Nightingale]

Send a message to "contact" .. at the bottom of this page .. Read Request is where it also list share this, facebook, e mail, & Twitter .. Top rt. of page ..
good luck ..