Recurring Morning Madness

This was written on an extremely bad morning as a means of coping with physical pain and mental instability.

Full of disconnected thoughts,

My mind a spinning blender. 

Unable to turn it down,

These damn knobs aren't working.

It may be time to pull the cord.

 

I am becoming unraveled,

This bullshit is getting hard to bear.

All alone with my crowded thinking,

None of you can help me.

This existence not worth living.

 

I know I am loved,

I feel it, but it doesn't help.

My frustration ready to burst,

Wanting to end it all.

Fearing the pain of failure.

 

I struggle with this every morning,

The brawl that rages within.

Not wanting these erratic thoughts,

Peace is an illusion I strive for.

An illusion easily shattered.

 

Reigning in my sanity is hopeless,

Getting harder to contain.

The anger keeps me going,

I know it is not healthy.

Blood could be spilled.

 

Do I continue this way,

Let the rage consume me?

Building it into a monster,

Unleashing me upon the world.

Getting release in suicide by cop.

 

I fake my way through every morning,

Trying to hide the turmoil within.

Waiting for the stability of afternoon,

So don't look too close at me.

The truth would be quite unpleasant.