Disappointment

I know Im not the first to feel this way, surely not the last.

I have no joyful words to say today,
No hopeful poems for a broken heart.
I use to think there was always light at the end of every tunnel
--But now I'm not so sure
How can light penetrate the darkness buried behind years of masks?
How can light come down to meet me in my misery?
And how can there be light at the end of a tunnel
That only goes down
--Beneath layers of hurt?
I've become a disappointment.

Where am I supposed to turn when I'm cornered by brick walls?
I had my chance
I threw it away.
I could have risen above myself,
Proven that I'm better than they said I was
Proven to myself, proven to my friends
--Proven to my enemies
But I didn't
I did exactly what they said I would-
Time and time again
and now I'm just one big disappointment

I'm left with a question,
Asked by every person put in my shoes:
Is it braver to hide the pain
Let others live their life, deal with their own problems
--Or is it braver to admit that Im broken?
Lean on someone else until I can get back on my own two feet
-And then be the shoulder for another.

I choose the latter
But I have no one to lean on,
Nowhere to go
One more disappointment..

Ive never been for suicide,
I will never even think of it
But for those who think it's merely cowardice,
An utter cop out on life,
You've clearly never felt alone
Truly alone, with no one to turn to
-And nowhere to run
--Broken everywhere; heart, mind, and spirit

See, Ive never been one to cry
But then again, Ive never really felt safe to
Never had anyone I cared enough about
Never anyone to care enough about me
So this is me, in my hour of need
admitting I'm weak, admitting I'm not as strong as I pretend
asking for help from those who understand

I'm sorry I cant create beauty today
I'm sorry I cant be there for those who need me
I'm sorry that I'm not strong enough to fight this myself
I just need a sign, a show of faith
That I'm not such a disappointment...

Author's Note

Be there for those you care about, we all hide our pains in someway or another

Reviews

[Black Jess]

Oh my God Dariaann what happened ? =( =/ . everybody has a point of breaking down , a point of weakness . you can't stay strong forever but that doesn't mean that you're not strong ! I don't know you in person i've never met you , but i know you from your words and I think it's better than to know you in person because it shows the true person inside of you , your writings show your way of thinking , talking , your beliefs .... it shows exactly who you are . And I can tell , from your exeptionnel poems , that i know you enough to say that you CAN handle it , it's okey not to be okey ( heard this from a song ) don't try to be strong to fight it, you just need to let it go . some things don't need strenght , they need oblvion and letting go ;) . I'm not gonna say '' Be Strong " but i will stay " don't be strong , cause if you do , then you will feel such a weakness when you fall . I would rather say , be faithful , believe in happy endings , believe that you will get over this , cause you are able "
PS : oh and by the way , you did create beauty today , it's hidden underneath the sadness and rawness and utter sincerity of your feelings , It's Beautiful =)

[Darian B.]

Thanks Jess, it really does mean so much more than you will ever know. Life just has a way of tearing us down when we are at our weakest point. I keep trying to channel it in ways more positive, it just gets hard sometimes. You guys on WC understand me better than most of the people I know in person so your words really do mean the world. Thanks Jess :)

[Black Jess]

You're Welcome Darian ^^ .

[Lorry]

When you feel broken, It is my sincere opinion that you need to speak to someone. If you are broken, how can broken you fit the pieces back together when the parts you need to fix them are broken too? It may be easier to talk it through with a stranger, perhaps counselling in your area would be the best point to start. I found somewhere local run by a charity where professionals give their time free for those waiting to make the biggest step of their life, by walking through their door, which hopefully will be the biggest relief to you afterwards, when you feel the air in your lungs once more.
Sorry it's not a review as such. More advice, but advice I heard once, and am eternally grateful for. It is strength asking for help, not weakness. Good luck my friend.

[Darian B.]

Personally, Ive never been one for counseling, I know they are there to help but I dont feel like they really know me. I talk to people when I can but everyone has their own lives to worry about too. Most of the time I draw on my religious nature and talk to the one person who understands us infinitely and it does help. I'll try to talk to people more though. Thanks Nemo for taking the time, sometimes that helps more than anything else

[Lorry]

No worries. Glad you are honest enough to open up about it, it's usually the hardest part of anything, admitting it, even to yourself. Wishing you luck my friend.

[Neal S]

Beautifully sad. It reminds me of a song lyric. "iv'e said i'm sorry, at least once. To just about everyone."

[Darian B.]

Beautifully sad,that should be my mantra. I looked up that song and am listening to it right now, its really good. Thanks Neal

[Neal S]

August and Everything. Counting Crows.

[Darian B.]

yup, I love google's ability to pick up on a song by putting in any phrase from the song. Technology really is crazy

[Neal S]

Ain't it though lol...Have a good night man!