Ever

Just my train of thought taking me for another journey

Have you ever known someone?
Someone who made life better,
Who made it easier-
To bear?
Someone so utterly special,
The very mention of the person's name
Makes the very air around you
Breathable again.
So you take a breath, hold it in, and never let go
Because letting go is like losing the person
--All over again.

See, this isn't a love that works out
But it works in your head
And you no longer feel dead.
-They call it "unrequited love"
But that implies lack of reciprocation,
Lack of return or reward
--Your very presence was reward enough to me.

And she did love me,
I swear she did....
Sure it was more a love you like a best friend
Rather than the love I feel for her,
--It was love nonetheless

I guess all of that is one upon a time though...
I must have been the princess in our fairy tale
Cause she was my knight in shining armor
--She saved me when I was at my low point
Where I was weak, she was strong-
And I wish I could bring that back....

But who needs forever anyway?
To me it's a whole lot of whatever
And I must fancy myself as real clever because...
-- Because of all the ties I managed to sever.

So here's to those ties!
Burned 'em up with the remaining coals
--Of a once passionate heart.
And here's to goodbyes!
They don't sting as bad
--When you know they're coming from the start

Guess that's why this one...
--hurt like hell.

I kept telling myself we still had something.
That we could still be something.
Perhaps a little more than friends,
Even if it had to be less than a couple
--I was simply fooling myself.
She doesn't feel that way anymore
And I'm not allowed to feel that way about her

But who cares about forever?
It's so much harder than just saying never
So much for this being my greatest endeavor
--It's not like I wanted a forever...

Author's Note

I think I'm a train wreck :P

Reviews

[Nisreen]

You know
It starts at best friend
From there
It becomes the deepest love
The love of her life
But it starts at her thinking he is the one man i would tell all
everything

so maybe there is hope here

[Darian B.]

I wish I could believe that but the longer it goes, the less hope I hold that something will change. The problem is that we are no longer as close as we used to be and she doesn't want to tell me anything anymore. I have to let it go and just hope she finds happiness wherever it may be for her.

[Nisreen]

i wish you the best

[Marianne Rose]

I love the beginning, the clear expression of love that isn't really reciprocal, but isn't unrequited either, because you draw so much from it. The poem turns then, interesting twists into the mind that holds so many thoughts and the heart so many emotions, they battle for airtime. Then it returns to the love, questioning forever, though it's obvious that forever matters, the ending, "it's not like I wanted forever" more a defense against the hurt and disappointment. I liked reading this poem, it captures so much of what we go through with love that isn't the fairy tale we imagine it to be. Thanks!

[Darian B.]

Thank you so much for this review, you have no idea how much it means to me. So many people think that I'm more in life with being in love than I am with the girl I write about. She herself thinks I see what I want to and not what is actually there, as if I'm in love with a fairy tale. None of them see the hurt I keep hidden from them to protect them. They don't realize how real it is for me and sometimes it almost makes me question it myself. She is the first person I have ever loved and so these feelings I have are new to me, thank you for affirming that my feelings are real and not just the feelings I "want" to have

[William Liston]

"It's not like I wanted a forever" I loved that line. It's a good skill when the author is able to say a simple statement and communicate the underlying emotions to the reader, especially if those emotions are opposite of what the literal meaning of the statement would suggest. I really have nothing to say that hasn't already been said except when you use "em' in the line "Burned em up with the remaining coals," I'd suggest using an apostrophe in front of the word 'em.'

-William Liston
(P.S. I know this seems totally off topic, but Tessa's review prompts me to say this: I've always wondered what I (or any author) would write like if I was drunk. For obvious reasons, I hope I never find out, but if for some reason, I had to get drunk...it would probably be just for that specific reason).

[Darian B.]

Haha, your postscript cracks me up. If you ever do get drunk, please post the poetry you create. I think it would be hilarious.

As far as the review goes, I'm glad you liked the line. Something about that line just really hit me when I wrote it. I so desperately wanted something more, but every day I have to pretend that I don't. Thank you for the review!

[Tessa Melendez]

AAAAAAWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!! *sniffles* This is something so full of hurt, I can imagine a man drunk and hurt spewing this poem in a drunken haze. It's so terrible what you have to go through with this love that you feel. I feel like I should say something like advice or consolation, but I'm a paranoid train wreck when it comes to love and relationships. I'm a hypocrite. I give the right advice, but I can never follow it myself once I get paranoid in a relationship.
This was a beautiful, heart felt piece, friend. May you find your way out of your hurt.

[Darian B.]

I can promise that I was not drunk when I write this, or ever for that matter. ;) But it's ok, if given the option, I would do it all again. As much as it hurts, the good moments are just that much better and I am so grateful that I met her. One day, I will feel completely ok again though and I will be all the more grateful when that happens. Thank you for the review though, it means a lot and the support is always helpful :)

[Ananya]

This is a heartfelt write. More you repeat I didn't want a forever , more it screams the opposite.
Love is love, in whatever form it comes. You loved her in your way and she loved you in her own way. It as there, that is a blessing in itself. And I always believe that love either stays forever or it never was. I can feel that in your poem. It was and it is. Just stay put in that place. Sometimes, the wounds you get never heal , sometimes they do but leave scars. Accept what life brings to you. That makes things easy.
I like the way you describe your feelings. And the unusual twist that you were the princess and she the knight in shining armour...

[Darian B.]

Yea, I'm glad you picked up on that. I definitely wished there could have been more of a forever. My problem now is that I can't tell what kind of love she felt, it gets harder to believe it was there at all. Thank you for the kind review!