Letter from Crazy

Brain thoughts at one in the morning

Hey you,
Do you remember me?
Will you ever truly remember me?
-- Or am I just one more friend we say we remember,
Yet forget what they meant where it really matters.
Probably.
That's all I have ever been.

Did I ever change your life profoundly?
The way you did mine?
-- Or was I just convenient company...
I guess it doesn't really matter anymore...
I guess I don't really matter anymore,
Then again...
-- Did I ever?

I'm sitting here at 1 in the morning thinking about you,
It's become my daily ritual.
I try not to, I know I shouldn't,
It's not good for me,
Nor fair to you.
I can't help myself though,
I can't help worrying how you are and if you're ok...
I can't help thinking that you are probably still up too.

You never could sleep well at night,
I remember trying to stay up with you so you had company through the night
I remember always falling asleep first
And you texting me at 3 each morning because you woke up...
Against your will
And so against my will I stay awake at nights,
Not daring to fall asleep,
-- That would allow me to stop hurting.
And so I write this poem.

Now I know this isn't so much a poem
As it is just the tears from my eyes mixing with my bleeding heart
To form broken memories shaped like words on a page...
-- I'll call it one anyway,
Much like how I call what we had a best friendship.
When in reality, you were the best thing that's ever happened to me,
And I was just a thing that happened.

I just wanted to tell you how much you meant to me
I think you must have fixed about a billion things about me
Whilst I couldn't even fix one thing about you.
Never mind the fact that you only have one thing broken,
--And I still have a billion more.
I'll save your broken thing for a different guy,
One who means to you what you meant to me.
If you had wanted me to fix it, you would have allowed me to borrow it
If only for a second.

But I'm past all that now,
That's what I've been telling myself anyway...
It's easier than accepting that I'm still bleeding internally
So when I die because I've been empty for so long
--My heart just gives up and leaves...
Can I ask you one dying request?
It's the only thing I have ever wanted for you..



Please, be happy.

Author's Note

I'm glad to get such a positive response on this piece, it really is just a whole lot of raw emotion but I guess that's what I do best. Enjoy!

Reviews

[Lyn Anderson]

I think it stands well as it is. There is one thing I would change and that is I'm passed all that to I'm past all that -- other than that, it feels like a diary entry. Which is what I assume the intention is. I almost forgot -- I think the word profoundly might be more suitable than profusely, but that might be just me.

[Darian B.]

Thank you for the revisions and the review! Grammatical errors like that should be changed always do I did appreciate that and yes, it was meant somewhat of a diary entry/letter of sorts

[H.L. Cerveise]

Oh, my goodness, Darian my eyes were watery and blurry when I finished this poem. There are so many terrific lines. The lines, "Did I ever change your life profoundly? . way you did mine?...." asking did; you have an effect on her is something. I think we ask ourselves when it all falls apart. The last three lines,"...Can I ask you one dying request? ...It's the only thing I have ever wanted for you...Please, be happy...." did me in for many reasons. While I was reading this the song, "Gravity of Love" by Enigma was playing I will now think of this poem when I hear it again.

Well done.

[Darian B.]

Thank you so much, it truly means a lot! I don't know if I have ever heard that song so I'll have to look it up. I'm glad I was able to touch you with my poetry though, it's about all that I have

[H.L. Cerveise]

In the end my fellow warrior poet our writings will be the legacy, our children whom we have left behind.

[Nisreen]

A very raw
and truly beautiful write
i guess i have this sort of talk till now
till 4 am
wondering and thinking

[Darian B.]

It's the curse of the thinkers. Our minds are constantly working and so we lie awake longer than most. Thank you for the review :)

[Nisreen]

sucks ...... i wish i didnt have the curse
i wish to be uncursed any day now

[Marianne Rose]

Much like you, I pour out raw feelings and let the phrases form themselves sometimes. It shows what you really feel, honest, real, and I love the part "it is just the tears from my eyes mixing with my bleeding heart to form broken memories shaped like words on a page". How one can feel so deeply and another detach so completely, barely remembering I will never understand. Thank you for sharing your passion and vulnerability.

[Darian B.]

Thank you for the kind review! I definitely mean every word I say in my poetry, every emotion I invoke is one that I feel, so I'm glad people feel that when they read my writing. I appreciate it :)

[Tessa Melendez]

OH MY GOD!!!! *sniffle* *Tears* This piece.... YOU HAVE ME IN TEARS, friend! I hope the subject of the poem gets to read it. If someone wrote this to me, I would cry. If they read it to me, I would be a sobbing mess. It's absolutely beautiful. The raw emotion of undying love for someone, habits that may never be broken in the continuation of love, the thinly veiled sadness. Oh, it's got me in my feelings now, friend. *sniffle* I applaud you. Great work.

[Darian B.]

The most devastating irony is I can't let the subject of my poems read any of them. She doesn't love me back and already felt guilty about it before, I can't have that. I can't let her know how much it kills me every day that it feels like she doesn't care about me. So I write my poems and pray that one day I will move on enough to be happy. Thank you for the kind review and sentiment though, it goes a long way :)

[Tessa Melendez]

Awwwww! *sniffles* I guess that is best. I understand. Poor you. :(

[Darian B.]

Yea, and it will be alright. A lot of people have it a lot worse than me.

[Tessa Melendez]

True true. but, it's still sad nonetheless

[Papaya]

I wouldn't change a thing. You've captured your true feelings here and what makes it so impactful is your sincere voice. I could relate to this, I'm sure many can. Nice work.

[Darian B.]

Thank you, I'm glad to hear people say they like it. I wasn't even going to post this piece but I decided that I post them for me much more than I do to get reviews. It's always nice to get good reviews as well though :)

[Papaya]

Sometimes it's just to know people understand you. For me anyway...

[Darian B.]

True enough, especially when everyone else in your life just doesn't. I can definitely relate

[Black Jess]

I feel like i'm seeing your tears through those words ... This is pure awesomeness . You did well when you listened to your heart and wrote those lyrics ...
My favorite parts are : the 5th and the 6th paragraphs . Good job

[Darian B.]

I'm glad you can see them because they are definitely there. I try to listen to my heart with everything in life, it's the one thing I have going for me. :) Thank you for the really kind words!

[Black Jess]

you're welcome , thank you for the really beautiful poem

[William Liston]

In the author's note, you said that this "isn't your best piece" and "it's extremely rough around the edges;" in a way, I disagree with that. Looking at it technically, there are flaws such as how some lines should be shortened and how at times, it reads more like prose than poetry, but looking at it emotionally, this poem sounds like a pure, unedited cry from your heart. There is a certain 'rawness' to it, which is evident in all of your work, but in this one, it especially stands out...I can't really describe how. In my opinion, the "roughness" kinda adds sincerity to it. I once read a review that I think perfectly describes this poem in a much better way than I could: "This isn't a poem; it's a heart-song." I think it was Renee J. Martin who said that in a review; either way, those were not her exact words because I paraphrased it.

I wouldn't change much (if anything) about this piece either. I once wrote a poem that I wasn't too fond of, but somehow, it reflected my emotions perfectly. I never posted it on this site (I probablly never will) but even though I didn't like it, I was proud of it, in a weird sort of way. I think that's the way you feel about this poem.

-William Liston

[Darian B.]

Thank you William, it is definitely an unedited cry from the heart but I'm glad that it still achieves its purpose. I believe you are right about the stuff you said in the last paragraph of your review, it is exactly how I feel right now and so there is an air of perfection in the emotions described rather than the structure of the sentences. Thank you for explaining how I feel about my poem, I never thought I would need someone to explain the way I feel about my own piece to me before XD