Some Things I Can Do

I yearn for love

A lover to breathe life into my lungs

To cover my eyes 

Whispering of the moonlight on my skin

Our sweat mingling together

Just a fingertip breadth away

Until his heart beats against mine

His bones pressed against my bones

I want to feel his soul thrumming against me

To let him feel me as lovers do

As well as how lovers don't

To force a smile on my tired skin

Until it's no longer painful

I yearn for a love that can fix me

Yet I know no love has that capability

Breath that comes and leaves

That pressure is all on my own lungs

He cannot press his palm to my chest

And beg me to grasp what little air I can choke down

He cannot force me to swallow honey

When I've been accustomed to devouring thumbtacks

I yearn for him, still

I cannot hold him

Something so soft as love is foreign to me

yet I still long for it

I dream of us as lovers

I'll let him go

These desires are overwhelming

This suffering much too normalized

I'm intoxicated by my fantasies

Until I met myself in a dream

She held me as I often imagined he would

She didn't try to feed me honey like he did

Reminded me why I often ran with wolves

I don't need to change myself to someone else's needs

That's not why he loves me

That's not why I love me

She whispered in my ear why I could swallow needles

I understood then

I'm not made of sweet treats or fluffy clouds

I'm not made of softness

I can love myself for the scars left on me

I can love myself despite the self cruelty

If I wanted love

All I need to do

is hold my heart in my hands

And kiss my fears away

Reviews

[silentwriter180]

This poem is very resonating. Three are many times I have similar feelings.