All I'm Left With

A war has gone too long in my head

Thoughts better off dead

Yet dead is how I see myself 

In every reflection 

From the minute my eyes open in the morning

Until dawn comes around

The sky as red as that vision of my body hitting concrete

Red as the ugly scars embellishing my skin

Red as the blood trailing and lusting after thin sharp metal

My moments of happiness are distractions from the monster of dread

The curling around my chest

Choking the air out of me

Voicing all the darkness in my head

Reminding me of all the pain of life

All the pain of being someone like " I "

When I don't want to be myself anymore

Nor do I want to be anybody else

A war has gone too long in my head

Thoughts better off dead

Yet dead is how I see myself

The monster is winning the battle

Reminds me why I'm even fighting in the first place

Yet the voice in my head is saying

"Why fight a war that isn't yours anymore?

Aren't you better off dead?"

This war has gone too long

Leaves all the participants weary

I wish I was stronger

All I'm left with is " I "

No one can make me happy

I want to believe I'm not no one

Yet I see my reflection in the morning

I see my reflection at dusk

i see the crimson staining my memories 

Until the only words left are: 

"Better off dead"

Yet, what am I if not " I "

Am " I " better off dead?

I wish I could be more selfless

Remove the centerpiece to this art display called "Depression"

Yet I can't remove the skin from my bones

I can't pull my organs out from my body

At least not on my own

I can't cleanse my mind from the thoughts or memories

Suck them out with a vacuum and compile them like sand in a wishing jar

All I can be is " I "

That is all I'm left with