Love Scars

The first year was a dream, starting in terms of frenemies and soft threats. Every conversation was a quarrel and a challenge. There was never a boring day, and slowly we became used to each other's presence. The second year, one of our friends left and silent awkwardness overcame us. It was still pleasant but there was a loss of groove. The third year was painful. My heart was torn from its chest when my now best friend, my once frenemy, neglected me for a friend of her past. They talked about things I had no part of, and there was no way I could make an entry into their story. So, in my cowardice, I tried to run away. Sat where they never did, hid in corridors I knew they wouldn't walk down. Except the two always seemed to find me. I wanted nothing more with them. We could still be friends but I didn't want to be around like a ghost haunting a blossom. I wanted peace, but she would not give that to me. 

Instead, she insisted on being by my side, a bubble of screaming silence. It was an inferno to hear them in one ear while I faced forward hiding behind screens and text. A whole year went by just like that. 

My last year, I became greedy. I wanted what I could not have. I stared down people for her attention and hovered about her like a starving kitten. The space between us decayed away as I bombarded her with my warmth. I enveloped her in hugs and hand holding. She accepted it at first, the skinship, even accepted my flirtatious jokes and nicknames.

However, graduation was coming, and although we were still friends, I felt like everything was coming to an end. I wanted more, I wanted to keep her with me so we could stay together even after graduation. Yet, my anxiety took over. I thought I wasn't good enough for her, or that she couldn't love me as I did her. It made me start to question if I really did love her. 

My conclusion ended with that I did love her but not as I thought I did. My emotions were clouded with loneliness and neglect. I didn't deserve her. So I let her go. We never did talk again...