Population 0 - Prologue

The prologue to Population 0.

Prologue

Hello, welcome to Ellsworth. We currently have a population of 0. Our founding fathers, or elders as we are told to call them, created this town to be our home if there ever is another disaster where millions of people die. In school we are taught what we need to know to survive and about how to make a difference. We are also told about Ellsworth and how when there is a tornado or a hurricane or anything like that, that could kill millions of people we have to start our travels down the Hundred Ways staircase. With Ellsworth down under ground we would be safe from anything until we run out of supplies. That’s why we have the yearly Ellsworth Trade-off. During the Ellsworth Trade-off you give away extra non-perishable foods, light bulbs, blankets, clothes, or really anything that would benefit Ellsworth. The people that give get to go down to Ellsworth when the time comes. If you are unlucky enough to not have anything to give they won’t let you go down there. The lines are arranged by order of how much you have given. Since my family is so rich we have been at the top of the lines for as long as I can remember. When the disaster does come around I will be the first on down. For the families on the list it goes by age order. The youngest first, which is me, and so on. We also have a different language and need translators for when we go down there so in my last year of college I am finishing off my Italian. That way I will be a great help. Italian is the main language that people speak and for us English folk its hard to find out what is going on. I’m not supposed to be writing this, but just in case we must stay down in that hole after I die I want to leave this behind outside the door to Ellsworth. That way if a few lucky men, or women, find the way out they will know they aren't alone.

Reviews

[@juliza]

Great idea for a story! I will point out some things that might help make this even better!

First, an easier, less wordy way to say " disaster where millions of people die." or "tornado or a hurricane or anything like that, that could kill millions of people" You can say, catastrophe or emergency, to get your point across better.

Also, This sentence "We also have a different language and need translators for when we go down there so in my last year of college I am finishing off my Italian" is a run on sentence, I would suggest putting a period in between there and so, and putting a comma between collage and I, so the sentence now looks like this: "We also have a different language and need translators for when we go down there. So in my last year of college, I am finishing off my Italian" It has a better flow and is easier to understand that way.

The last thing I will bring up is paragraphing. usually, people put it in their stories to separate different thoughts out from other thoughts, so I have a few suggestions on where to put them:
Before the sentence "In school we are taught what we need to know to survive and about how to make a difference."
Before the sentence "With Ellsworth down under ground we would be safe from anything until we run out of supplies."
Before the sentence "The lines are arranged by order of how much you have given."
Before the sentence "We also have a different language and need translators for when we go down there"
And finally before the sentence "I’m not supposed to be writing this"
I hope that helped. Great start by the way! Can't wait to read more!

[Sabrina]

Thanks for the ideas.

[Llamas!]

Great idea for a story. This is wonderful and I hope you know this! I agree with the idea for paragraphing though you don't have to. Phenomenal piece.

[613]

This is a fantastic idea for a story! The plot is lacking something though . . . not quite sure what. There were several grammatical & punctuational errors that threw me off. But overall, nicely done!

- Brittney

[Sabrina]

Thanks for the review.

[613]

You're welcome!

[Sabrina]

Could you tell me where some of the grammar errors were? I have trouble finding them on my own for some reason.