Repugnant

My slam publication

A REPUGNANT, PROBLEMATIC, LOVE POEM CALLED: PROPAGANDA

 

I’ll tell you what you are

Infinite

Never question it again:

Propaganda, a brain-glutted growth

On illumed billboards, potent and choice-stripped

All-pervading in a frequency lotted on air-waved-goodbye territory, always

Reminding me wear a coat

So I do. You are unsolved

 

An enigma I can’t touch, weighty given-gall

To run Amish, but post world-purge

Submerged under my bonnet (you) a voice hoarse

Carts phlegm-green spew-cased odometers along

Whooshed-by street signs, who knew

How far we got. No sign

Says Go. You air-wave, aimless while

 

My therapist and me volley your hummed name

Her spike, dross, ends served drug-matches

A wished endgame, but more than ever (you) internalized

Livelier and mean: the ball, clout

On my blood-cushed wall shunting red fiber-glassed

Body basements (don’t touch) f**k this

Self-diagnosis is commercial biz

 

Pristine at 5AM post-zombie-hour

Apocalypse, surveying if tired: Yeah. Lonely?

Yeah. Are you human? Yeah.

You have depression! Buy this pill. Propaganda

Band-Aid covered, skinned life

Heals? Covers. Yeah, yeah. Just, yeah.

 

Trust, scab-rippable paper, love

An unputdownable rock, but paper

Covers rock. Shoot! Sucks if you’re propaganda: unstrust-

Stable since paper buys rock: princess-cut

My (you) told favorite, after-fight hapless happiness

Hush-hush: I f*****g hate princess-cut, loathe

Rock-chipped bones, call me names

Don’t run

 

With scissors, a fall snipped

Our first kiss, teeny mouth-hole licks

Pill-like ‘til wholehearted swallow, a bump

(Your tongue) jump-starts the kick-in with a hit

Of my esophagus, post-kiss imbibed (you) withdrew

 ‘Til new blood be new (you)

A scissor-track-star, my

Proper gander, princess-cutter (in two), you

 

Insanity: the soggy hand-blister play-doughed from

Sizzled stoves on a crawl back for more, back up

The same fecund womb, forever wounding

(You) the burner I will never not touch.

Read that line again.

 

Amish failed so gay must, I run

To run away ‘til running away’s cool

But cool’s (you) not me you, propaganda

Ever-adorned sold-love

A never-lover found girl, a slit-open

Caved-in version (you), not new, stove used

Honey I’d never return (you), even when spent

 

With manmade inhales

And me-made exhales, (you) bestowed

Breaths, made from man, not from me

Corroded from nicotine, charring my madness

Is the image of your sleep-face tarred

Feathered, a humiliation I’d kiss the sickness of my own air for, (you)

With an ever-burned cigarette singing sheets

Acrid, without me ashes

Your home would be, odd since

My disaster calls you (the outsider) who

 

Won’t direct an escape, the pith

Of me burnt allows need, elated

To call at all, we lick amassed soot

Off barnacled cell walls, eating

Breathed-in crud to feed each other love

Only death will do us

Part, so we smoke

Always reminding me wear a coat. Hot

 

On a work-stroll you’re spray-painted

Flecked, a vandalism of an incubus,

An intrusion of take-advantageness, (you) alopecia

In garden patches, an indecorous home-return:

The miasma of egg-leftover kitchen trash quelling

Apt greetings (you) suitably since we both sang quietly

When gavels in our blood struck guilty: messiness understood

Yet better- ‘tis loved.

 

I’ll tell you what you aren’t-

My friends

Tout your dumbness, me-said clues not he-said

Louder: in the library (you) led-pipe killed me

Dumb, they know how

Envious, easy to please get on your knees

Kind of smart, bilking me with sex stuff

Propaganda dubbed an addict by my family

Alcohol calls the alcohol full of alcohol

Those snub-noses never knew

Our nose-lining. How we inhaled. Me and you

 

And other stuff too, buzzing burns

Of added skin-salt peppered our sleep.

A saga deemed sad, mouth-stuck

Peanut butter rotten forgotten flossed parts chewed (me)

Marked on air-waved-goodbye territory,

Not like dog-peed-on trees, but two lovers’ names etched

In (You) my tree, a ground come-up

Breath-giver I love you, first-date giddy, taken aback

You took it back (first burn), a gaffe not raised

 

Around such hope, but promise

You ask I not kiss anyone else, not my boyfriend, misplaced

Unpure milk label expired

Stickler ‘fore sold, drunk, gulp each clump

Light-sealed blindness protects us erstwhile

 

We made love as an audience to your dirty films

Cringe-worthiness I allowed, never taking a smile

From you, those TV girls were seen

But you felt me, so not dirty, beautiful

A mess of you and me, truth: scurried ‘cross my knee

Only spiders made me scream, hung up

On those girls you said drama-queen

But (you) like when I fake it, propaganda

Every kiss, I kiss the you in others

Never not kissing you, diaphanous pink lips molt

Stove-burns welded to you--it f*****g hurts

Skin peels to renew then I do it again: insanity

Not covered, never from you

 

I watched porn to connect sharers

Of the same moon, degrading

Invading, but (you) I love

My sadness (you) mine to make love to, but stopped

The reason I got dropped was my sadness, it’s why

You drop you too, the reject counterparts of us

The rejected two

(Not me) dirty movie girls, naïve

To your never-shown frown, hence why

You’re still with them, want-worthy vicious pill-selling

Awake, accompanied, inhumane

 

What’s ours? Shared stranger kisses we both do

Porn, filthy stuff, pass over muck-filled sewage for a meal

Propaganda isn’t real

Decay is. Palliative dirtiness (you) returned

The next girl says clean it up (you), get rid of the porn

An under-rug sweep for later touches

Think of me I’m right there with you, dirty

 

Love

Rotted, maggot-eaten

Infected fiestas of Earth-consumed dead hearts

Recycled good as new, unpurged, guzzled

Biodegradable forever living, death won’t do us

Part, thrown out, my trash:

Bio-friendly sappy stank fertilizing regrowth

On the garden patch with missing hair

 

Hidden under clenched eyelids

I see (you) clearest, eye-gunked

The reason I’m awake, the reason I’m tired

You’re the pill that I take, written for you

Not propaganda, revolting on purpose

For no one to want.

So falsely true

Me and you

I’ll tell you what you are, infinite,

Never question it again.