While I wasn't looking

While I wasn’t looking.......

 

I want to say "I love you"

with a full heart,

not as part of daily conversation.

I don’t like the fact that,

I must assume you really mean it.

I don’t like to feel the emptiness

that accompanies assumption.

I long for the moments that,

I see love for me, in your eyes.

I know it’s there,

when the blue in your eyes

sparkles like a multi-faceted sapphire

dancing in the moonbeams.

From you, radiates a warm, all consuming tenderness and light,

making me feel safe, loved, wanted....

But, those moments are fewer and fewer.

Only being expressed in a hurried flurry

of motions and actions,

fanning the embers that lay in wait.

Only to flee minutes later.

The embers then fade,

and the darkness of the emptiness fills me again.

I long for the days,

when you couldn’t get enough of me,

couldn’t wait to see me

and worried when I was late.

Now, you leave messages,

with a flat tone of voice,

asking "where the hell are you".

I know that you love me,

you wouldn’t be here

if you didn’t.

But, as we grow older, the need

to feel wanted and needed

grows as well.

I feel like less than a woman

without your affection.

That pain strikes deep.

You have grown older, gracefully

like fine wine,

As I reap the ravages of Father Time.

As our oldest child preps

to leave our little nest,

I worry that my ship has already came in

and sailed, while I wasn’t looking....

Sandra Ferrara Gentry 2007

Reviews

[gcp]

I really like the last two lines - that's a really good way encapsulating a whole feeling

good stuff :)