Chapter Six

What we have done for ourselves alone dies with us; what we have done for others and the world remains and is immortal. -Albert Pike

chapter six

            

I was at my room and I slammed the door closed and locked it. Dad got there just a few seconds later. He yelled, “Jonah, open the door!”

            I pretended like I did not hear him, and then he started to get more angry.

            “Jonah, open the door,” He yelled again.

            I still pretended to not hear him.

            “Jonah Marcel Blake, you better open the door!” He yelled one last time.

            See, my Dad was raised in the hood up in Harlem, and I partially was, but when a parent says your full name, they mean business. So I unlocked and opened the door. Then I sat down on my bed when he started to come in.

            He sat down beside me. “Jonah,” he said, “you know that was not the right thing to do at the moment.”

“But Dad, I could not keep the family in the dark," I responded.

“Isn’t most of the family leaving Monday morning,” Dad asked me.

“Well yeah�",” I replied, once I saw how this was going.

“You could have their attention tomorrow afternoon after church. Since you wanted to tell everybody after the funeral, now everyone is either mad or disappointed in you.”

“Yes Dad, I guess you are right,” I responded back to him, really feeling sorry.

“I know I am. Son I have to go though, but I am going to pick you up from school at car riders on Monday. You should tell everyone you are sorry though. But I love you son,” Dad said to me.

He gave me a long, sincere hug and he told me he was going to say goodbye to Mama, Uncle Cam, and Aunt Mel. I walked behind him, ready to escort him out of the house.

He stopped by Mom’s room, and saw she was crying. I instantly felt bad because I made her cry. She was lying on her bed with Uncle Cam and Aunt Mel. He went over to her and also gave her a sincere hug. She hugged him back.

He told her, “I am going to pick up Jonah from school Monday. But, I love you Camden.”

Mom and Dad always say that. I guess since they were high-school sweethearts they will always love each other. I don’t know if it is more or less because of me, or as friends, or as husband and wife.

But, Mama responded, “Okay, Carson. Love you too.”

I don’t know why, but they were still hugging. And after about five more minutes, they let go.

Dad went over to Uncle Cam and gave him a “man hug”, which is basically a hug with one arm from both people.

Dad uttered, “I’ll see you later, Cameron.”

Uncle Cam said the same thing, and Dad went over to Aunt Mel and one-arm hugged her. He walked out and I followed him out to the front. He hugged me again, and said “Love you, son.” At that point, he walked to his car. I was not mad at him anymore. It is just that I did not want to say it back to him.

When he was finally gone, I went upstairs and just laid on my bed. I realized Grandma’s death was making me not act like myself. This was making me depressed. I did not have any other answers.

I went into the kitchen, and grabbed a small knife from the knife storage block and I walked to the bathtub.

            I heard cutting yourself can make you feel like you are releasing stress. And you are supposed to go “down the street”, not “across the street”. I mean like you do not want to cut off your wrist.

            Therefore I did about five short cuts on my left and right forearm. It felt like getting a shot at first. I guess that’s how Grandma felt when she was murdered. But, then again, it felt kind of relaxing and releasing stress. I can’t really describe how it felt. I sat there with my bathroom door closed and locked and my forearms over the tub.

            Thinking about this now, I really regretted this decision. But my cuts have healed over the years so that is good.

After my cuts were done bleeding, I wiped away the excess blood. I decided to take my shower and slipped into my comfortable clothes.

            I decided to put on a long-sleeve pull-over so that it could cover my cuts. But I looked at myself and thought I was stupid. I had on basketball shorts and a pull-over! That is a huge fashion no-no. On the other hand, I was comfortable and decided to go to sleep and call it a night.

            I woke up to Vince shaking me awake. He was saying, “Wake up dummy!”

            I shoved him off, and said “Don’t touch me!”

            “Well you don’t want to be late for church do you? Everyone is getting up,” Vince said.

            The thought that instantly crossed my mind was my cuts. If I got dressed in my room, Carter and Vince would see my cuts. The effect was I picked out my church clothes and ironed them as quick as I could. After that, I ran into the bathroom just as Carter was about to take his shower.

            “Dude!” he said. “What are you doing?! I know you saw me!”

            “My bad, Carter. I got to get dressed quick. It will be two minutes,” I replied.

            “Ughh! Okay, but two minutes!”

            In the shower, I was like Super-Man. I pulled on my button-down shirt and my khakis. I brushed my teeth, washed my face and all the other morning things you’re supposed to do before freshening up. When I was done, I opened the door and Carter was still standing out there fuming.

            “Two minutes and seventeen seconds! You better be glad we are close cousins!”

            He shoved me out the way, and slammed the door. I did not care what Carter was thinking at the moment. I was just glad that he did not see my cuts.

            At about ten-thirty in the morning, everyone piled into their cars and we all headed to church to hear the word of Bishop Johnson.

            When we got to the church all I could think of was when I got the call that Grandma was murdered. I even saw the exact same spot where I was standing.  I had so many great memories here and now, now that doesn’t matter anymore.

 When we walked in, I saw the Church Clique. The Church Clique is like all the teens and tweens that hang out in the last two rows in the center pew of the church. By the way, I am part of that Church Clique. The Church Clique consists of me, Carter, Kahlar, Kingston, Micah, Keaton, sometimes Vince, but most importantly Kagan Pendragon; my arch-nemesis of about three years.

            Kagan and I have been at each other’s throats since fourth-grade. Mostly because he was calling me fake and phony, and I did not appreciate it so I confronted him and we had a huge blow up! But then we got over that a little, and tolerated each other.

When sixth-grade rolled around, he was throwing me under the bus to Coach Jale and Coach Colangelo; Coach Jale is the football and track coach, while Coach Colangelo is assistant coach of football and seventh-grade boys’ basketball coach. The only reason was because we both have about the same standard of athletic ability and he is afraid that I will become of a higher status than him. He should be.

            Despite all of Kagan’s tries to downgrade me, we both ended up making the football team. I was the starting wide-receiver and Kagan was second string. Our team record was seven to one. We won the middle school semi-finals and football championship in our county; I was voted Offensive MVP and on the All-Conference Team with Kingston and Kagan. He was jealous again, like he was when I got the most cheers at the football/softball pep rally back in August.

            Once again, Kagan, Kingston and I joined the basketball team together. He was power forward, Kingston was shooting guard, and I was point guard; we were undefeated. We went up against Queensborough Middle School in the championships at Willow Lane High. We won that championship again! Kingston won MVP, and we both made All-County team. Kagan was left in the dust. And that was the ninety-eighth championship for our school.

            Off topic, but Kahlar was cheerleader for both seasons. Her being in her cheerleading outfit was way cute for my liking.

But, when spring sports come up, I am going to try out for boys’ track, Kagan also will. Kingston is leaving us and trying out for boys’ soccer. If either of boys’ soccer or track teams or the girls’ soccer or track teams wins, we can get the ninety-ninth and one-hundredth championship for our school.

Before I could even get out of my daydreaming before I sat down, I get pushed from behind.

Kagan retorts with a smirk on his face, “Oh, my bad Jonah. I didn’t see you there.”

I swear all this conflict and confrontation in my life is really wearing me down.

            I sit down next to my friends and not so friends while the other kids of my family went to sit with their folks. I felt some tugging on my shirt and it is Sage. She asks, “Can I sit with you?” I look at Kingston and he nods. I bring her over to the Church Clique, and we sit down in the middle of the group. While everything is going on during church, we are whispering,  and on our phones every now and then.

            Kingston is keeping Sage happy by talking to her. Barry lives in south Georgia in Savanna, maybe about two hours from Anton. Every time they come to visit, Sage always wants to talk to Kingston. She likes Kahlar too, but Kingston is like her best friend forever and back.

            “Aye Jonah, Sage says she has to go to the restroom,” Kingston says.

I nod my head to the left to tell him to come on and let’s go. The three of us go out the back door across the side of the church to get downstairs. By the time we started walking down the hill, I roll up my sleeves to make me less hot while Sage was holding my hand.

When we make it the door, we walk in and lead Sage to the girls’ bathroom while we waited outside. Kingston looked at my arms and yelled, “J, what’s wrong with you?! Why are you cutting yourself?!”

I look down at my arms and feel instantly stupid that I didn’t pay attention to my cut arms. I told him, “I just have been stressed.”

“Well if Ms. Hope’s death is making you stressed to the point of cutting yourself, then you need to ask Ms. Camden or Mr. Carson for help!”

“Okay Kings,” I said, “I will stop but please don’t tell anyone.”

Before Kings could answer, Sage walked out and he grabbed her hand while mouthing, “I won’t”. Then we walked back to the main floor of the church.