The Big Bad Wolf:Part 2

The Big Bad Wolf

Part 2

(3Pigs 1Wolf)

 

I ran all the way home

Not once did I look back

What the hell did I just experience?

I’ve never been through such an attack

 

I ran miles through the woods

Over broken branches and rocks

 To get to my front door

To find out the landlords

 Had changed my locks

 

At this point, I’m irritated

In no mood to be kind

I’m ready to find

These three slumlord-swine

And give them a piece of my mind!

 

All three of them are brothers

In fact, they’re triplets

 All three are lazy,

No-good,

Potbelly piglets

 

I marched to the youngest one’s house

His name is Otis

I was ready to show him exactly where

 He can stick his eviction notice

 

Otis is the wimpy one                          

And not at all too bright

So I didn’t expect trouble from him

Or much of a fight

 

He is an absolute moron

An imbecile, who has me in awe

How dumb do you have to be…

To build your house with straw?

 

I knocked on the door

And yelled for him to come out

“Otis, get your rump-roast out here!

…Before I break your snout!”

 

“I paid my rent

And I paid it on time!

You have no right to kick me out!

I don’t owe you a dime!”

 

The porker poked out his head and said…

 

“Your rent went up

And you haven’t paid the difference

That’s why you’ve been evicted

So goodbye!

And good riddance!”

 

I responded,

 

“I paid what I agreed to pay

When I signed my lease

But I refuse to pay anymore

So cut the rent increase!”

 

He peeked out his window

And squealed,

“No!

You have to pay us

Now!

 Or you have to go!”

 

My anger was beginning to build up

And I was trying to hold it back,

Because when I become enraged

It causes a massive asthma attack

 

"Stupid pig, dumb pig, let me come in!"

"No, no, not by the hair on my chinny chin chin."

"Then I'll huff, and I'll puff, and I'll blow your house in

Then out of my lungs, came an angry burst of wind.

 

…and with that,

 The whole house collapsed

Like a haystack

Straw scattered everywhere

Everything went flat

 

The swine wasted no time

He started running south

I followed the squeals

All the way to his brother’s house

*************************************************************************************

The second oldest brother is Orson

And he weighs a ton

I would really get a kick out of

Seeing his fat a*s try to run

 

His house smelled like a garbage dump

And a busted septic tank, all mixed

You could smell the odor a mile away

Seeping through his house made of sticks

 

I knocked on the door

And yelled for them both to come out

“Don’t act like you’re not home!

You know what this is about!”

 

I peeked in the window

And twisted the doorknob

“Face me like the pig you are!

You big, fat slob!”

 

Orson snorted,

 

“Get the hell off my property

With all of your vulgarity!

I’m sorry you’re homeless now,

But I don’t give to charity!”

 

"Fat pig, sloppy pig, let me come in."

"No, no, not by the bacon grease on my chinny chin chin."

"Then I'll huff, and I'll puff, and I'll blow your house in”

“If I’m homeless- We are all gonna be homeless, then!”

 

Just then, out of my lips

Formed a massive hurricane

It snapped every twig in sight

And flattened the house’s frame

 

As Otis sprinted out of the wreckage,

 Obese Orson rolled down the hill

All the way to their brother’s house

I followed the sows’ squeals

*************************************************************************************

The oldest is Orwell

He is the “brains” out of the bunch

But judging from the others

That’s not saying very much

 

At least he had the common sense

To build his house with bricks

 Unlike dumb and dumber

Who used chewing gum,

 Hay, and sticks

 

“Up until now, I’ve been nice

But not anymore!

Come out, or I’ll come in!

I’ll break down this door!”

 

“Just pay what you owe us!”

Shouted the oinker, Orwell

“I’m not paying a damn thing!

You can go straight to hell!”

 

“The rent is too damn high

To live in that pigsty!

Now refund my money,

Or you three pork chops are gonna fry!”

 

“I think you ought to leave,

But if you don’t, it’s ok!

You’ll get what’s coming to you,

Because the cops are on their way!”

 

"Little pigs, little pigs, let me come in."

"No, no, not by the hairs on our chinny chin chins."

"Then I'll huff, and I'll puff, and I'll blow your house in”

“I’ve done it before, and I’ll surely do it again!”

 

I filled my lungs with air

 And puffed with all my might

But the house didn’t budge

I knew this would be a fight

 

I blew so hard,

 That I thought I popped a vein

I Inhaled and exhaled

Over and over again

 

Exhausted and out of breath

I knew that I was done

I could hear the hogs celebrating

As if they had won

 

I didn’t want it to go this far

 They made me choose this route

If they weren’t gonna face me, willingly

I would smoke the sausages out

 

I climbed up to the chimney

And shimmied down the shaft

Suddenly I smelled smoke

Then a fireball flew up my a*s!

 

I shot out of the chimney

And landed in a pond

I could hear the brothers laughing

Clear across the lawn

 

“You can laugh now,

But you’ll cry later

 Because this is not over!

Next time, I’ll be prepared

With three apples,

A roaster,

And a bulldozer!”

 

Just then, I heard police sirens

They were loud and coming closer

Then suddenly, I heard a familiar voice

As their hand tapped my shoulder

 

The face that I saw, put a stamp

On this day of downward spirals

It was “Little’s Red’s” granny

Sitting on her pink motorcycle

 

I was stuck between

A brick house and hard place

-With nowhere to hide

She winked and said,

“Hey there sexy,

Do you need a ride?”

 

TO BE CONTINUED...

 

Author's Note

Part 1
http://www.writerscafe.org/writing/serenusaymone/1173930/

Part 2
http://www.writerscafe.org/writing/serenusaymone/1176127/

Part 3
http://www.writerscafe.org/writing/serenusaymone/1177739/

Reviews

[Frieda P]

You're insane!! Hahahaha, how do you think of these things? Had me laughing out loud through the entire read, each line is funnier than that next. Good job, I didn't think you'd be able to outdo the first part but you've accomplished that and more! Still laughing....lovin' granny.

[Sirius King]

thanx Frieda! lol...i wasn't so sure about this one, so I'm glad you like it. Im not sure how i come up with it...it may be your first thought...insanity! lol

thanx! :-))

[Frieda P]

Yeah I think so, or you're smoking something funny lol ;-)

[Sirius King]

lol maybe...

and i'll huff and i'll puff....!

;-))

[Frieda P]

LOL

[Sirius King]

hahaaha

[Mr.Cardigan]

dude i love this

[Sirius King]

thanx man, did u check out part 1?

[Mr.Cardigan]

yes sir loved it also

[Sirius King]

cool, thanx!


part 3 might take a little while to finish, but when its done i'll let u know.

[Mr.Cardigan]

thanks man

[Coyote Poetry]

I enjoyed this tale. A modern version of a old story. I like the detailed description. I like the description of each pig. Using the payment of rent gave strength to the story. You have a good and active mind. Thank you for sharing the excellent story. I did like the ending.
Coyote

[Sirius King]

thanx Coyote!

check out part 1 if you have time, tell me what u think :-)

[MOON]

This is hilarious and Granny on a pink motorbike takes the cake.

[Sirius King]

lol, thank u moon!

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

This is like falling through the rabbit hole! I love it. I was also laughing aloud while reading this. You have a clever and unique mind, my friend. I don't know where you come up with this stuff, but care for that wellspring generously because you need to keep this stuff coming!

[Sirius King]

thanx Sarah!

i have no clue where this is going to end up, but i hope to keep the laughs coming :-)

[C.C. Marx]

Of course granny comes back lmao!!! Good god I needed that laugh today

[Sirius King]

Granny is a riot! lol

thanx CC!

[C.C. Marx]

That she is lol your very welcome :)

[Sirius King]

;-)

[icelandicblue]

I am sitting here outside on a beautiful evening laughing like a hyena at your poem. I can't imagine what the neighbors think. I loved the names you picked for the pigs, and your huffing and puffing stanzas were to die for. I also chuckled at this stanza:

He is an absolute moron
An imbecile, who has me in awe
How dumb do you have to be…
To build your house with straw?

The whole house of cards starts to tumble when you see it from the other side.

[Sirius King]

lol thanx ice!

[Baby Ricochet]

That wolf needs a mini gun

[Sirius King]

i think granny has a few :-))

[Eddie Phillips]

You my friend have a very unique mind and a special gift to be able to come up with something like this. It is awesome and so funny. I love how your mind works. I will continue to read because you have me keenly interested in what you will do next. This is too funny!

[Sirius King]

lol thanx man!

[quinfinn]

well, all the way from Red in the hood to the three little pigs ....never did i dream you were the same wolf. and you had better look over your shoulder from now on, i think Granny is stalking you....probably wants you to eat her some more. excellent sequel!

[Sirius King]

lol yea i think she wants to be eaten lol now that was funny!

thanx!

[quinfinn]

hehe!

[Renée]

lol !! Thank you for laughter! Love this!!
..isn't it crazy when your mind just fires these off !

[Sirius King]

thanx Renee!

yea its crazy
cuz i have no idea of where they come from! lol