Love Me….Please?

Love me

              …please?

Hear me plead

There is nothing worse

Than the sight of a grown man

Begging

…on his knees

 

Love me

         …now

Do you remember how?

Breaker of promises

Betrayer of vows

 

Love me

        … authentically

Without draining my energy

Give back what you took

Love in truth

Unconditionally

 

Love me

…please?

Don’t go

Don’t leave

At least take this stake out of my heart

And hold me while I bleed

 

Love me

…or lie to me

At least sing your goodbyes to me

Until the love I have for you

Slowly

Completely

Dies in me

Author's Note

quick write...needs work...tell me what u think

Reviews

[Sugar Plum ♥]

Really powerful write, I liked mostly the end, which makes a sadness arise in me...Everyone needs love, sometimes people want to be "cheated" just to escape from loneliness. You need this love, until it kills your own feelings and senses. But then...Why breaker of promises? As you feel love, you dont want to feel, as so many times we can`t choose what is inside heart.

-- nour --

[Sirius King]

love is a complicated feeling... sometimes too complicated for words...you know?


thank u Sugar Plum :-)

[Sugar Plum ♥]

maybe I know sometimes .. :) thank u too! I would like to read more

[chandlerl]

Pulls at the emotions,
There is nothing worse
Than the sight of a grown man
Begging
…on his knees
so sad, so true, so real and so heartrenching when someone needs love and is not given it.

[Sirius King]

i agree...thanx for ur review :-)

[Admiral Kirk]

This is awesome! I love it... lol great job. :P

[Sirius King]

thanx! :-))

[Admiral Kirk]

:D

[Marie Anzalone]

"How empty of me to be so full of you"

It seems to me you are at the edge, but missing the mark somehow... for what you are lookign for the other person to do needs to start within. We cannot love until we are ourselves are filled with the joy we want to share with the other person. We want them to bring it to us, instead- but forget that the synergy of twi is far greater than the sum of its parts. Why not consider shifting the focus... instead of bemoaning the loss of this person's presence, ask them if they are sure they want to miss out on the wonderful things you have to offer and share with them? :-)

[Sirius King]

thanx for ur review, i get exactly what ur saying...i wanted to get somewhat vulnerable in this poem (because i rarely am lol)...so its kinda over dramatic, but i think other ppl can relate to it...i get over things pretty easily, maybe too easily, that may be my problem lol...anyways...thanx again! :-)

[David the writer]

I agree needs work. I think it's a great start! First off, it seemed like it was missing something, maybe if you went back before the last stanza, and add like 3-5 stanzas of rhyming, and then one stanza of rhyming plus every line having the same amount of syllables. Don't think you need the last part, but it would make the poem epic, and it helps the flow alot. I think the ending's perfect, and it's still pretty good as is, but it could be better.

[Sirius King]

thanx man,,,hey how have u been?

[David the writer]

Np, and I've been great! You?

[Sirius King]

ive been good, busy...trying to get back into writting

[David the writer]

Oh yeah. School's been hell for me latley, so I stayed up past my bedtime to write, and see people here

[Sirius King]

well at least u gotta break coming soon right?

[David the writer]

Yeah, after tomorrow

[Sirius King]

cool cool

[David the writer]

Its been all good

[quinfinn]

this really works well, and i love the sincerity and conviction within the write. great piece !

[Sirius King]

thanx for checking it out :-)

[KAOlmsted]

I think...you're such a natural writer, even your quick ones come out well-polished. Sometimes, those are the best ones, too...those quick fire emotional writes from the hip. This is really good, SR...a bit needy, but I see you recognize that right there in your first stanza, so it's not weakness as much as it is self-awareness...I love it. Thanks for posting it as is.

[Sirius King]

very needy and a bit dramatic lol thats what i was going for, not sure why tho :-/ lol

thanx kimmer...always a pleasure to read ur reviews :-)

[KAOlmsted]

The pleasure is mine, SR ;-) And p.s. you nailed it *laugh*

[Sirius King]

haha :-))

[That_Girl]

No, no work needed. I like it just as it is. Nice write!

[Sirius King]

thanx :-))

[Sarah]

It really doesnt need any work. Its really good. The rhyme is amazing and it flows really well. Really good.

[Sirius King]

thanx!... i wrote it so quick i wasn't really sure about it lol