Love Me….Please?

Love Me….Please?

A Poem by Sirius King

Love me

              …please?

Hear me plead

There is nothing worse

Than the sight of a grown man

Begging

…on his knees

 

Love me

         …now

Do you remember how?

Breaker of promises

Betrayer of vows

 

Love me

        … authentically

Without draining my energy

Give back what you took

Love in truth

Unconditionally

 

Love me

…please?

Don’t go

Don’t leave

At least take this stake out of my heart

And hold me while I bleed

 

Love me

…or lie to me

At least sing your goodbyes to me

Until the love I have for you

Slowly

Completely

Dies in me

© 2013 Sirius King


Author's Note

Sirius King
quick write...needs work...tell me what u think

My Review

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Featured Review

Really powerful write, I liked mostly the end, which makes a sadness arise in me...Everyone needs love, sometimes people want to be "cheated" just to escape from loneliness. You need this love, until it kills your own feelings and senses. But then...Why breaker of promises? As you feel love, you dont want to feel, as so many times we can`t choose what is inside heart.

-- nour --

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Sirius King

11 Years Ago

love is a complicated feeling... sometimes too complicated for words...you know?


.. read more
Sugar Plum ♥

11 Years Ago

maybe I know sometimes .. :) thank u too! I would like to read more



Reviews

i like as is...and i think it would be better if she did sing her goodbyes...she isn't worth it...she is destroying you.

love the last stanza...well all of it...yes...the begging but with sarcasm.

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Sirius King

11 Years Ago

the least she could do is sing a little tune, right? lol

thank you jacob!
men act all tough half the time so your sincerity, angst, misery is refreshing, heartfelt and touching....you've used ellipsis well, gives this choking effect...I liked the writing and I can empathize with the feelings, I've been there

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Sirius King

11 Years Ago

i don't act tough... I AM TOUGH! lol...jk but forreal :-)

thank you Cleide :-)
Oh ouch! Desperation here, get up off your knees, I love ya already ;-)....seriously, this one hits a dark note and all too familiar. Good one Serenus! Shelving it right now...

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Sirius King

11 Years Ago

typo *shins* lol

;-)
Frieda P

11 Years Ago

Lol I knew that ;-P
Sirius King

11 Years Ago

hahaha...just glad to be back on my feet :-))
A very good quick work. Nice flow of thoughts and I like the desire in the words. Love can make us come alive and die. Thank you for the outstanding poetry.
Coyote

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Sirius King

11 Years Ago

Love is the bringer of life and death

great words...thank you Coyote
I like the forlorn desperation in his pleading Love me.... Love Me.... Love me....Willing to have her stay even if she lies and betrays till he can stop loving her.

I think you should put the 3rd stanza before the 2nd. It would build the desperation further. In the 3rd stanza there is hope in his reminiscence that would tee up the 2nd stanza better.

Then the end of the 4th I think could be tightened up so that the pace quickens as his desperation grows. Something like
Take your stake from my heart
hold me while I bleed.

The final stanza is actually my favorite and drives the idea home for me. But the sing your goodbyes still felt too sweet or something. Perhaps something like...

Love me
…or lie to me
Just keep you goodbyes from me
Until the love I have for you
Slowly
Completely
Dies in me

Just some thoughts But I really really liked this piece.

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

DCT ponderings

11 Years Ago

I am glad it wasn't too much. Don't want to put words in another poets mouth. ;) Especially when the.. read more
Sirius King

11 Years Ago

i can handle constructive criticism, it can only make me a better writer (when valid)

<.. read more
DCT ponderings

11 Years Ago

Yes indeed. You're welcome.
Sounds like the sentiments of one who is infatuated with someone who doesn't feel the same about them. A grown man on his knees is indeed pathetic, unless he's praying to Yahweh.

Posted 11 Years Ago


0 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Blown away. You amaze me and you inspire me with every piece you write

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Sirius King

11 Years Ago

Wow, thanx! that means a lot :-)
Poignant heartfelt write perfectly depicted. Striking line at least take the stake out of my heart.

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Sirius King

11 Years Ago

thank u MOON! :-)
It is beautiful to me, and I think that you have a great deal of passion in your heart it shows in your writing

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Sirius King

11 Years Ago

wow thanx, i really appreciate that! :-)
Dominique Lambright

11 Years Ago

You're welcome :)
Sirius King

11 Years Ago

:-)
Hi there, I love the structure and appreciate the content and tone, I do not think that this poem requires a rewrite personally, I feel that this is a very competent piece, well done

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Sirius King

11 Years Ago

thanx, Ive tweaked this piece a few times already, so its pretty much done
SHEEMA HUQ

11 Years Ago

good work :))

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1367 Views
28 Reviews
Rating
Shelved in 3 Libraries
Added on December 20, 2012
Last Updated on February 2, 2013
Tags: Love Me….Please?

Author

Sirius King
Sirius King

Cleveland, OH



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